56. Passing
fifty-six
Passing
*ROYAN*
I feel like I’m floating. For the longest time, I don’t feel anything. Nothing; no pain, no heartache. Everything is just dull and warm.
When I focus, I can see my mother standing in the distance waving at me. I beam, seeing her. It’s been so many years, and I miss her so much. There was not one day where I didn’t miss her. On the other side, I can see Rona, too. She lowers her head slightly when she sees me. I’m not sure how to feel about that, but somewhere I recall how she saved my life.
It’s such a comforting view.
Only the slight murmur I keep hearing is more comforting.
It’s just so comfortable here. The last hours of my life were so painful. There was nothing but pain, fear, and terror. Betrayal. My heart broke, and my body broke. I don’t want to return to this place anymore. I’m so tired of fighting.
I find myself lying on my back in a green meadow, my mom walks towards me. She sits down and puts my head in her lap. “My poor boy,” she whispers.
“I’m tired,” I sigh.
“I know,” she says. Tears fill her eyes. “What happened to you shouldn’t have been done. So much cruelty.”
“Let me stay,” I whisper. “There is nothing for me back there.”
“Nothing?” she asks sadly.
My mate betrayed me and then died. My mother died. Dad… dad is alive. He will be so lonely, so devastated. I’m his only child. And there are my friends, my comrades, my extended chosen family.
My first attempt at love and happiness failed so badly, though.
“I don’t know,” I cry. “I… it hurts so much. Everything hurts.”
She massages my temples, raising her gaze slightly when there are footsteps approaching. I shift my gaze too, looking at Rona now. I’m not sure what to say, but she beats me to it. “I’m not going to bother you for long," she says quietly. “I just… you were right, I was awful. I wanted to have it all. But I didn’t plan to use you. You were never part of the plan to gain power. When we met, I thought I finally had a chance to be happy. Then, I blew it.” She pauses. “I really fell in love with you.”
“I know,” I say. “In the end, you saved me. Thank you for that last sacrifice.” I’m not sure what else to tell her. Even if she had survived, and I made it back to the living, too, I don’t think I would have ended up with her again. When I died the first time, our bond broke. I still feel sentimental about what we could have had, but everything else has either died with her betrayal, or with my first death.
There are bridges you can’t rebuild. And there are wounds you can’t just heal.
I can’t help but keep wondering: Is that supposed to be it?
Was that really it?
“No,” mom whispers, brushing over my forehead. “There is more.”
I can hear voices around me again, a murmur. Someone is reading something for me… far, far away. Sometimes my skin feels warm from someone touching me.
This here–I turn to look at my surroundings, noticing how Rona gets more and more distant–this isn’t it. “I loved you, too, Rona,” I say. “Rest well.”
She nods with a sad smile, but looks relieved. Then, she is gone completely. Mom kisses my forehead.
“Watch out for your father, will you?” She smiles. “Until next time. May it be long in the future.”
With that I feel a sudden darkness engulfing me, again. I can only see shadows around me. The pain returns. My whole body seems to be aching. I try to lift my hand, but my bones don’t listen to me. “Careful,” a voice whispers and warm hands move towards my arm, keeping it in place. “It’s bound to the bed to heal.”
I don’t know what that person is talking about, but I’m too tired anyway.
“You are with us again,” the voice whispers.
“I thought we had lost him,” another voice. “Thank you for your help, Sine.”
“It was more your doing, Aylin.”
Warm hands are on my chest and arm, and instead of hurting me, they actually feel comforting. “The balm helps,” another voice says.
“This will be a long process, though,” one of the women says. “But, he has made the first step.” She brushes some hair out of my face. “We need you here, Gamma Royan. The Princess is waiting for you to return to your duties.”
My duties. Right… I still have my work here, my rank. I haven’t lost my rank despite being so stupid and falling for my mate.
“Caelan sent a messenger to us,” one of them says. “He is going to return with his father. They are hurrying here right now.”
“Good, that will help for sure!”
The voice from before is back. “Should I stay? I don’t want to be in the way.”
“No, stay here,” someone calms her. “Your reading helped him.”
Oh, she was the one who read to me. The murmur I heard before. I want to lift my finger in acknowledgement, but instead just groan in pain. Fuck, I can’t even move without my body burning in pain, and I still see everything blurred.
“Don’t,” the woman from before says, touching my forehead. A calming scent fills me. “She will continue reading for you. Don’t worry, Royan.”
Royan.
Is this me? It’s me.
*SHAYAN*
A few days have passed, and everything has gone back to usual; a new usual, though. The wolves have always been accommodating to me, but now they treat me with a newfound respect. I’m not sure if I’m deserving of it, but there is no denying that their approval means something to me.
Everyone has returned now, many issues have been dealt with, and meetings for the future organized. The werebears lost a lot of their population, even more so than the dragons, and are still being restructured by a new leader. The dragon shifters are beginning to rebuild their kingdom.
As for the werewolf kingdom, changes are slowly approaching.
“Look, who is sporting a new mark,” Flinn, the sassy triplet says, when we all meet for breakfast again; the first time after the battle. Finally, everyone is in the same room again.
“Of course,” Tynan growls. “He is all mine now.” Tynan looks all proud. Good for him, they don’t know how mushy and cute he is when we are alone. If he needs to show off his macho side, I’ll let him. I can always pay him back later in the bedroom.
“I thought it was about time,” I answer Flinn calmly. “It’s too worrying to be apart from your mate, not knowing what they are up to and what kind of dangerous stunts they are pulling.”
Tynan frowns. “Wait, are you talking about me?” He pouts. “But, we talked about this! It was to save you.”
Flinn snorts, while Alana just smacks Tynan’s back. “I’m truly happy for you, Ty, and for you too, General.”
I smile at her. “Thank you, Princess Alana.” Engaging in the last battle has helped her to move on from her pain a fraction. It must have been hard for her to fight at Artio’s side, the creature that killed her best friend, but she is a warrior and a princess, and as such understood that Artio was just a pawn.
She got her revenge. But it will take a while for her to heal completely.
“How is Royan doing?” Alana asks.
“We almost lost him, but he seems stable now. He hasn’t woken up yet, though,” the queen explains. “Aylin is constantly with him, and Simin, too. Her voice is calming to him.”
“She told me she wants to become a healer,” Azadeh explains. “She tried a couple of things ever since we arrived in the kingdom, but now I think she truly found her calling.”
“She is very suited for the job,” Queen Sine says. “She has a calming presence that helps keep Royan stable.” She pauses. “For a moment, he was dead.”
“He died a second time?” I ask, not able to hide the worry in my tone. Tynan reaches out his hand below the table and puts it on my knee. His touch is calming.
“He fought his way back,” Queen Sine says. “But, his body was in shambles, literally. There was not one bone that wasn’t broken or cracked, his inner organs were massively affected, and one of his eyes worries me. They pumped so much wolfsbane into him that he has a hard time trying to recover. His wolf hasn’t returned fully yet. He is just a presence for now that helps his healing, but he is not there yet.”
“Will he recover?” King Gillean asks.
“Only time will tell,” Queen Sine admits. “His body should heal. Unfortunately, he died twice now, and I’m not sure if his wolf will return to full capability.”
“I just hope he will be well enough to join us again, and sit with us here,” Azadeh says quietly. “And, he needs to know that he will stay my protector. With or without a wolf.”
“I think this will prove to be very motivational for him,” the queen says in relief. “I was hoping you’d say something like that.”
Azadeh smiles. “It’s not pity,” she clarifies. “Shayan is a human and has a handicap, yet he proved to be more cunning and stronger than many shifters. He outsmarted the dark witch in person and freed Cù Sìth.”
“No kidding,” Caelan exclaims. “I’m actually impressed.”
“Cù Sìth. A presence I still need to get used to,” the king groans. “He seems to see his master in Shayan.”
“We are more like partners,” I tell them. “I doubt any mortal being could become the master of a mythical creature. He really likes the catacombs and the basement of the castle though, and likes to stay there for most of the day. I will make sure the pack gets used to him.”
“And, you saved the fox princess,” Azadeh tells me.
“I’m equally amazed by what you achieved,” I say, turning towards Azadeh now. “It’s truly wondrous.”
“Don’t act surprised,” King Gillean grunts. “You were probably the only one who had an idea about her powers.”
“I didn’t say I was surprised,” I verify, making Flinn and Beta Quinn burst into laughter. “Just amazed.”
“Also, this complaint is rich coming from the man who used the prophecy and his own knowledge, to make a very vague test for our oldest sons,” Queen Sine says. “I’m sure our beta would have something to say about that issue.”
“Your sons would, too,” Caelan murmurs.
King Gillean looks flustered. “Well, it worked out in the end,” he defends himself.
“That it did,” Endellion says, putting his arm around Azadeh and pulling her closer.
It’s still amazing how powerful she truly is, and what she’s achieved. I’m sure it will come as a shock to King Naseem, too. It’s common knowledge in the desert that a very few princesses are born with the so-called gift, but no one researched further. Magic terrifies them, and so did Azadeh’s existence.
But, even in my wildest dreams I wouldn’t have imagined that she was actually blessed by the goddess of the Sun, and would meet the Moon Goddess in person.
“Everyone here had secrets,” Endellion says. “It’s the first time we heard about the power of the Ice Wolf Prince being reborn in one of us.”
“We had a feeling it would be one of you,” the queen admits. “There was the fact that you were born as triplets; the prophecy and the lack of a mate bond for all of you, until Azadeh and you created it, and set your brothers free to develop one too.”
“It feels good to have a fate, finally,” Caelan admits.
“Yep, it always felt like something was missing,” Flinn agrees. “Now we just need to find our mates.” He pauses, before tossing a careful glance towards Alana. “I don’t want to belittle anyone for taking a chosen mate, it’s wonderful either way. But, it is different when you have no choice like it used to be for Caelan, Ende and me.”
“I know what you mean,” Nevyn says. “We all know there is someone waiting for us. And if we decide to take a chosen mate, it is our choice.”
“Before Aza you didn’t have that choice,” Eibhlin adds. As usual she is dressed in a black dress, a stark contrast to her porcelain-like white face. She looks like something out of a nightmare sometimes, but she has proven to be a kind and capable person. Just different.
“I hope I will get my wolf, too, eventually,” Kilah says. “Like Flinn said, it feels like something is missing.” The others look at her surprised for showing so much vulnerability.
“I’m sure everything has a reason,” Flinn tells her. “You already are a strong princess.”
“You will get your wolf,” Alana reassures her.
“I know for certain that there is a presence there,” Endellion says. “And not just a presence. There is a shifter spirit in you. It’s just not awake yet.”
“Really?” Kilah asks him.
“You can actually tell that for certain?” the queen asks.
Endellion rests his hand against his chest. “With the ice wolf in me, it’s like there is a third presence next to me and Caspian,” he explains. “It has no voice, but it has an…awareness. And, said presence is aware of Kilah’s wolf.”
Tears of relief fill Kilah’s eyes.
“That said,” the king raises his glass. “I think we should all take this moment and make a toast. To those we lost, may they rest in peace. To the new allies we won, may they thrive. To our family, that sadly lost a member in our beloved Ita. We will always remember her.” He pauses and exchanges a gaze with Queen Sine. “And, to the future king and queen.” He turns to look at Endellion and Azadeh. I smile when I see the surprise in their expression. Everyone else has already guessed it though, because Flinn grins brightly and Caelan smiles at them.
“May they lead these lands to new prosperity and stability.”