60. Chapter 60
sixty
*ROYAN*
I watch how Simin runs around in front of me, her nerves clearly showing. She always gets nervous when close to horses, but I can see her improve daily. My body still doesn’t listen to me as it should, so I don’t mount a horse yet, but Aylin and former Queen Sine, said it would benefit my health and healing to spend time outside and to walk. So, I walk.
I help Simin onto her horse. It’s huge, a cold-blooded horse breed, but, as is usual for these types of horses, he has a gentle soul and would never toss a rider off his back. We are doing some light, lungeing training regularly, to help her get accustomed more to the horses.
I clench my fingers slightly while taking the reins in my hand and leading the horse to the middle of the ring. They still hurt like fuck. Penelope broke me in a way I never expected to be broken. It’s like nothing in my body is functioning properly, anymore.
My body is one thing, but my mind is another. Donovan is still not there. Sometimes I feel like there is a presence, but he was weakened and killed twice. Aylin said it’s going to take a while for him to recover.
If he recovers.
I know that’s what she intended to say. If the worst outcome happens, then Donovan will remain in this state, and I will never regain my full strength again. I’m not even half the warrior I was before. Queen Azadeh keeps firm on her words that I’m to return to my duties once my wounds healed. This promise is the one that keeps me going. Even without my wolf fully back, I still have my duties.
Beta Shayan has offered to train me. He is like the older brother I never had, and a true inspiration to me ever since we went to the witch’s lair. I thought strength was all I had, but there was so much I lacked. He told me we will start with very slow training next week, where he will show me some tricks.
The other motivation I have is sitting on top of the horse right now, clinging to its neck. “Why did I say yes to this?” Simin squeals.
“Because you are a little warrior,” I say.
“You think I’m a warrior?” she beams.
“You are fierce, strong and determined,” I say.
Her cheeks flush at my words, and she smiles shyly. By now she has become a full member of the pack, but she is still having difficulties with mind linking, so we default to talking normally.
We spend an hour in the riding hall before we decide to call it a day. I help Simin down from her horse, glad that my body is capable of that, at least. As for tending to the horse, I can only instruct her while leaning against my walking stick. At least I got rid of the crutches.
I watch her flinch slightly whenever the horse moves. “Simin,” I start carefully. “You never told me the reason why you are scared of horses.”
“It’s… probably silly,” she says quietly, handing one of the stable boys the brush and sitting down next to me. “I was very young back then. I come from one of the nomad tribes in the desert. Which makes my fear of horses even more ridiculous. But one day we got attacked. It was during the years of civil war. I’m sure you have heard of it?”
I nod. “Briefly. I know that there were rebels fighting the royal family.”
“They were killing everything in their way. Prince Kiyan almost died too, and it’s the incident where Shayan lost his arm and eye.” She pauses. “They slaughtered my whole tribe. Everyone. They packed all the bodies on their horses to burn them in one of their mass graves.”
“But you were alive,” I exclaim.
“Yes, my mother protected me with her body, and they didn’t realize there was a survivor.” She pauses, a shiver going through her body. “I was buried beneath the bodies of my loved ones while they rode us to the unknown.”
I freeze at her words. What a truly traumatic experience this had to be.
“On the way, a troupe of royal soldiers attacked and killed this group of rebels. They found me and took me to the castle. There, King Naseem didn’t know what to do with me, I was just an uneducated little girl. So, he assigned me to become Aza’s maid.” She smiles sadly. “My life got better, but the hole here,” she presses her hand against her chest. “It remained. So, did the memory of being shaken by the horses while everyone I loved was dead...”
I put a hand on her shoulder and pull her closer to me. She leans her head against my chest, allowing me to hug her tight while she cries. “I’m so sorry something so cruel happened to an angel like you.” She wipes her tears away. “But my life is so good now,” she says. “I shouldn’t feel sad.”
“It’s okay to mourn those you lost,” I say. “Don’t think you need to be always happy, even when you aren’t.”
“Working with Aylin and Sine has finally given me a true sense of belonging,” she says. “I like to help others.”
“Like you helped me,” I smile.
She flushes. “That’s different,” she mumbles. I blink at her words, but before she can say something, she buries her head in her palms. “Forget I said anything.”
“Do you want to go out for dinner?” I hear myself say.
She looks up abruptly, her eyes wide. “What?”
“I…I have been wondering how to ask,” I stutter.
“You mean an actual rendezvous?” she asks.
“I don’t want you to say yes out of pity, and I don’t want you to feel obliged to go out with me,” I hurriedly insist. “I’ve wanted to ask you for so long already, but…”
“But?” She pushes me gently.
“But, look at me. I’m still not the old Royan.”
“I don’t mind that you aren’t the old Royan. I like the new Royan, too.” She clasps her cheeks in excitement. “You really want to go out with me?”
I sit up straighter, gathering all my courage. Ever since I woke up, it has been her! Simin was there to read for me. She was there lighting up my mood with her warm, gentle voice and her funny little stories. She was patient and always had a smile for me. She always came up with new ideas about what to do and how we could spend time with each other, and she was adamant to make sure she would be the one to stay with me. My father and Shayan very happily, and eagerly let her. Now I know what they were hoping for.
Whenever I regretted the decision to not pass over to be with my mom, it was she who made me realize that there is something here… something worth fighting for. I take her hand in mine. “I… I don’t just want to go out with you,” I falter, nervous as fuck. “You are the light of my whole existence, Simin. I… I would like to properly court you.”
She looks at me, her eyes wide with surprise and careful hope. “But… I’m not your mate,” she states, sadly. “I dreamed of having a chance with you. You are so funny and kind, and you are so strong. It’s just, I thought you might want your second chance mate.”
I shake my head. “I had a mate once, and it didn’t end well. For my second chance, I really want to have a choice, and I choose you. That is, if you want to. I don’t want to force anything on you and-” “I want to!” she blurts out, wrapping her arms around my neck.
I feel my heart skipping a beat in joy as I pull her closer. It’s like it's finally beating again. “So, Simin, would you allow me to court you as my second chance mate?”
“Yes,” she smiles happily, entwining our fingers. “I choose you, too.”
I tilt her chin to kiss her softly. As I hold her in my arms, I swear that my wolf stirs in my mind, that I even hear him hum contentedly.