Chapter 5 Rifting Through Memories
“…What do you know of forever?”
The question took me aback as it wasn't what I expected him to say.
But then again, everything to do with The General was unexpected at this point.
Because I didn't know him, and I would have liked to have said that he didn't know me either.
Yet this was just another reminder of how wrong I was.
All thanks to that damn journal that he was giving me cause to regret, no matter how important it had once been to me.
The emotional crutch now felt tainted for even existing.
It had bared my soul to the last man I had ever wanted to touch it.
“I will ask you again, Alexandra, looking at this map, where were you when you first saw the Rift?” he asked again, more sternly this time. But words failed me, and I took another step back, but it was one more than he would allow.
His hand snapped out faster than my eyes could track, and he gripped my wrist with an effortless, sharp tug, pulling me back even closer to him. My body went stumbling into his, causing my free hand to rise and land on his chest of solid muscle that I felt inhale quickly.
The way he tensed at the contact made me wonder, how would he react to my touch if it was bare skin instead of armored leather?
It was an irrational question to ask myself when I was trying to get away from him.
Trying to get away from the reminder of that day.
One, he seemed intent on making me relive.
He suddenly spun me around, so I was facing the table, then he took a forceful step forward, pushing me closer toward it and caging me in so there was no escape from it.
“What are you afraid of, little warrior?” he whispered, calling me this as if to make a point, silently asking me where my bravery had gone.
But he didn’t know. He didn’t know how frightened I had been that day.
He didn’t know how different I had been.
How it had taken time for this fighter in me to emerge.
So, I closed my eyes against his soft, persuading words that tried to lure me to find her again.
That heart of a warrior he had seen that day at the base. The one that had challenged him.
Lowering his lips closer to my ear, he asked, “Where has my fighter gone?”
Again, I couldn't speak. I couldn't answer his question.
The intimate sound of his voice was tempting me to fall for his tricks.
The feel of his strength at my back was making me feel far too safe and secure.
It made me question how I would have reacted that day, had he been there, so close with his velvet voice and his muscular frame encasing me from behind.
Would I have cowered in fear before running for my life?
Or would I have trusted him to keep me safe?
“All you have to do is point and I will do the rest,” he said in that alluring voice of his as he tried, once again, to get me to comply with his soft demands. And because of it, my eyes instantly went to the Yellowstone National Park, where this had all begun.
“Trust me and take me back to that day, Alexandra.”
I shook my head, not wanting to give in, not wanting to give him what he wanted. It felt like another piece of me, but I closed my eyes and shook my head again.
“What? Reading all about it in my journal was not enough?” My words came out bitter, but it was attitude he ignored in favor of still trying to coax out of me what he wanted.
“I confess, reading your journal certainly gifted me insight into the woman trembling in my arms right now. But there are some things that even words cannot express. A story that can't be told but only seen,” he told me, and I realized he was right… I was trembling in his arms.
“Why? Is this to torture me?” I snapped, trying in vain to pull out of his arms, making them tighten around me.
He scoffed, and I wondered if it was at what I had just said or the fact that I was wasting my energy in thinking that I could ever escape him.
Despite knowing it was most likely pointless, I still didn’t want to make this easy for him.
“Is that what this is? Some kind of payback?” I pushed, instantly feeling his body tense behind me, as if I had insulted him with my assumption.
“If I wished to torture you, there are far better ways to do it than making you revisit the past!” he snapped in return, causing some of the fight to seep out of me as I let my shoulders slump down.
“But don't you see, making me revisit the past would be a form of torture,” I told him, hating how my voice nearly broke.
“After all, there aren't many that would wish to relive the worst day of their lives,” I argued further, and I thought I was finally getting somewhere when I heard and felt him sigh behind me.
“You are right. But there are also those who would choose to face it, so as they may conquer it. So as they may bend those bad memories to their will and forge them into something far less frightening, something to be remembered as a battle won, not lost.”
“Easy for you to say, I doubt you are afraid of anything!” I lashed out, making him squeeze me tighter.
“Only the foolish fear nothing, for fear doesn’t make you weak, it makes you smart.
It makes you cunning and gives reason for strength and courage to become your greatest weapon.
There are many who would wish to go back in time, so as they may change the outcome,” he whispered down at me, his voice once again stern and unyielding.
“Taking me back there now is not going to change the outcome,” I pointed out venomously.
“And how do you know that, when in fact what you show me may in fact be the key to undoing all of this?” he said, and I gasped at the revelation.
“You think if I show you, it will change it somehow?” I questioned, wishing I could see his face, even if it gave me just the slightest insight into whether he was speaking the truth.
“Knowledge is power, and right now, you are the key to obtaining it. So yes, I stand here now and ask you to be brave. For there are things that I do not yet know, and the reason you are here is for me to discover all I can to aid in my quest.”
I frowned at this before asking, “Your quest?”
He released a sigh of what sounded very much like frustration before replying, “Despite whatever your biased notions are of me, I am not here for nefarious reasons like you wish to believe.”
It was my turn to tense, and it was something he felt for himself, and his arm tightened momentarily around me.
The one that still held my wrist prisoner to my chest, with his fingers flexing like a living shackle.
As for his other hand, it started to slide down my arm until it encircled the other wrist, binding it in his strong hold.
His grip tightened enough so that he could then raise my arm before his fingers started to pry open my own, which at this moment, were still curled into a fist. But it was pointless trying to fight against him.
With what seemed like very little effort on his part, he extended my fingers out toward the map.
Once more, his lips lowered to my ear, as he willed me to do as he wished with hushed, luring words.
“Show me,” he whispered, and he didn’t miss the shiver his voice induced.
My reaction could not be tamed, no matter how much I tried.
My eyes once more focused on that one, singular spot as a place I recognized on the map being the very start of the Rift.
And as if he already knew, he started to move my arm in that direction.
The moment I did this, he pushed against my back, forcing me to take a step closer until I was bending over the table.
Something he continued to do until I was close enough for my finger to make contact with the golden hologram.
The orb started to vibrate, and my world imploded. Then, as if I were the power source needed, it lashed out at me. A single hit of lightning lassoed my hand, like the orb had held within it a storm, raging, waiting… all-consuming.
A bright golden light enveloped us both, blinding me, forcing me to close my eyes against the glare.
I gasped for breath, the force of it knocking me back further into the wall of muscle behind me that didn't allow me to go anywhere but closer into his embrace.
The next time I opened my eyes, I found my world transformed, for we were no longer in his office, but instead, I was back where I had been that day.
The sound that came from me was a pained whimper, a sound I couldn't even find myself ashamed to have let escape. It was like he could feel my fear as it pulsated out of me because his reaction was to tighten his arms around me, before then soothing my fears.
“Calm, for nothing can hurt you here. Not when I have you and have sworn to protect you,” he said, making me want to ask exactly when he had made this vow. Although I would be lying if I said that it didn’t make me feel better.
“Now, keep going and take me back to that day. Don't let fear consume you. Don't let it take hold of your thoughts or your memories,” he pressed.
I gave him a slight nod and focused on what it was he wanted. Which, of course, was the true nature of why we were here, because he clearly needed his answers. And apparently, I was the only one who had them. So, I inhaled deeply and let my mind take me back to that day.
Suddenly, there in front of us was a warped image of myself, as if I were the ghost of Christmas past, watching as an unsuspected Alexandra walked the countryside in search of wildlife.
You could just see it in my face, that carefree, naive, younger version of me.
One who hadn't yet experienced the last three years of this Hell.
The one who still thought she had her whole life ahead of her.
But how wrong I had been.