Chapter 6 Unexpected Luxury #2
And I hated myself for it. I owed him nothing.
No loyalty. No sympathy. So why did I feel this…
pull? Why did I feel him like a pulse vibrating under my skin?
Maybe it was the Rift. Maybe something supernatural had bonded us in some way.
Like some invisible thread I couldn’t cut.
Or maybe I was just losing my damn mind!
Either way, it didn’t matter.
Because once again, The General had gotten what he wanted, and I was left alone, here torturing myself with questions I didn’t have the courage to ask.
I wanted to storm out of this room and demand answers, but then I looked down at the messy, exhausted version of myself and decided those answers could wait.
A hot shower would do first.
Maybe it wouldn’t wash away my confusion, but at least it would rinse off the grime of everything else. I stood and wandered back into the bedroom, pausing at the closet as I passed.
“Surely not,” I said to myself, but after seeing all the stuff in the bathroom, I had to wonder, and my curiosity got the better of me as I reached for the door.
And yep, just like I suspected, it was full of clothes.
All brand new with tags still on, and what was more shocking was that every piece was in my size.
But one piece in particular held my attention and my hand trembled when I reached for a black, slinky dress hanging near the front.
It looked dangerous, like something that belonged to another version of me.
The kind of me who used to dance, used to flirt… used to live.
A shiver ran through me, and I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly self-conscious.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d worn a dress, let alone had a reason to.
The nostalgia hit hard. The memories of high school parties, of friends, of getting ready together like it was some sacred ritual. All of that was gone now.
I shook it off, grabbing a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved top instead. There was even new underwear in a drawer, and the sight of it made me pause. Who had bought this? The General? No way.
More likely one of his people.
Still, I couldn’t help fixating on the question as he had clearly thought of everything.
And that was the worst part because I wanted to hate him for it.
I should have. But part of me couldn’t ignore that all of this felt strangely like he cared.
Which made that thought more dangerous than all others before it.
More dangerous than anything the Rift could conjure up.
Thankfully, the moment I stepped into the shower, all of it, every thought, every emotion just melted away under the hot water, if only for a short time.
I stayed there far longer than I should have, letting it burn across my skin, washing off the dirt, the fear, and the ache of the last few days.
Hell, if it could have cleansed me of thinking about The General at all, then I would have stayed in it until I looked like I had aged sixty years!
At the base, showers were rationed, and time in them was limited.
But right now, in this impossible moment, I didn’t care because, for once, I felt human again.
There had been so many times I’d been tempted to cut my hair, just to make things easier.
But every time I thought about it, something inside me resisted.
It was as if I were clinging to that last piece of myself that the Rift hadn’t managed to take.
So, I let it grow and kept it long.
Granted, it was tied back most of the time, but it was still mine.
In fact, I’d spent so long playing the soldier girl that I’d almost forgotten I was also a woman.
Maybe that’s why I took my sweet time in the shower, even shaving my legs while I had the chance.
The simple act felt almost rebellious. Like a small, stolen piece of normality I’d clawed back for myself.
It was ridiculous how something so small could feel like such a luxury.
The soft slide of the razor, the warmth of the water, the scent of shampoo that didn’t smell like antiseptic.
I lifted my arm, inhaling the faintly exotic, fruity scent that clung to my skin, and actually smiled.
My hair felt soft for the first time in years.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d used anything other than the generic soap they handed out at the base.
It was always the little things, wasn’t it?
The things you took for granted until they were gone.
After the Rift, I’d spent so long being bitter about what I’d lost. The comfort, beauty, the quiet rituals of being human.
But eventually, the bitterness faded, leaving only cold, hard acceptance.
Or maybe it was numbness passed off as peace.
I didn’t know. Still, this sudden luxury…
it was dangerous. It made me remember what it felt like to live, not just survive.
And I knew it would make leaving that much harder when the time came.
But then my thoughts shifted back to something The General had said.
His talk of a quest. Of undoing everything that had happened since the Rift first tore open our world.
At the time, I thought it was madness. A fantasy.
Yet the way he’d spoken, the conviction in his voice, it had struck something deep inside me.
Hope.
That fragile, treacherous word.
A thing I hadn’t let myself feel in years.
We’d all had it once, back when the Rift first appeared.
But as days became weeks, and weeks bled into months, then years, that hope had starved.
We buried it quietly, like something too painful to look at.
And yet, somehow, his words had unearthed it again.
That tiny flicker. That impossible thought that maybe… just maybe, things could still change.
I shook my head, physically trying to push the torturous thought away. Hope was dangerous. It made you soft, vulnerable. So instead, I focused on the simple things.
I brushed my hair and dried it with an actual hairdryer, that was another rare luxury.
And finally, when I looked up again, my reflection stared back at me, one less broken and jaded.
My skin looked healthier, my eyes brighter, and the dark circles beneath them had finally started to fade for the first time in…
God, I didn’t even know how long, I just knew that I no longer looked so haunted.
I chuckled softly, wrapping myself in the towel and shaking my head at the absurdity of it all.
Getting dressed felt surreal, too. The jeans and long-sleeved top were soft, new, expensive brands I wouldn’t have been able to afford even before the world fell apart.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. But there was one part of me I wasn’t willing to trade.
My boots.
Scuffed, heavy, and ugly as sin, but comfortable as hell. Steel-toed and molded perfectly to my feet after years of wear. They were my armor and the one piece of the old me that had survived everything.
And I was going nowhere without them. In fact, it was just as I was tying the last lace on my boots that I heard it, a sharp, deliberate knock at the door.
My head snapped up, and for a heartbeat, I didn’t move. My pulse stumbled in my chest before it began to pound harder, echoing through me like a warning.
“Who is it?” I called out, forcing my voice to sound steady as I approached. I wasn’t about to throw the door open to just anyone. Leaning forward, I peered through the peephole, and I froze instantly.
There was the very man who had consumed most of my thoughts since waking.
My dangerous obsession.