Chapter 6
Iwas up before Miss Jocelyn arrived in the morning, wrought with worry. I laid out two dresses at the foot of the bed—one for her and one for me. Then I stared at them both, completely undecided on which was which. When she arrived, she was rightfully concerned, pausing in the hall.
“You’re awake?” she asked.
“Oh, yes,” I said, waving her in. She closed the door.
“Why are you awake? Did you have a bad dream? What is all this?” she asked.
“It’s an absolute mess is what it is,” I told her. “Based upon what was said, my instincts suggest that this salmon shade is my color, but the lavender is new, and the lavender is also very feminine. Do we think he likes feminine?”
“Do we like feminine?” she asked.
“I don’t know, do we?”
She hesitated a moment and then went to it, running her hand along the ends. “I like it more than the orange,” she said.
“For me or in general?” I asked.
She shook her head. “In general, I guess?”
“Because I’m not able to convey feminine, or?”
“No, of course not,” she said. “I just like the edging here. I think it’s lovely.”
“But not on me?”
“No, I’m sure it’s lovely on you. I just meant…”
“I’m nervous,” I said.
“About the day?”
“But the dress? You like it?” I asked.
“Yes. It’s very nice.”
“Grand, then you can have it, and I’ll keep the one that you hate. Which is fine by me, because I actually prefer it.”
“What?”
“The dress, Josie. I like the orange,” I said, motioning to hers. “Your repugnance of it is just the clarity I needed. Do you need help with the back?”
“I… I don’t hate your dress, nor can I accept the other!” she said.
“Right,” I told her, nodding. “But it’s not my dress, is it? I just gave it to you.”
She paused. “Am I asleep?” Then she looked around, confused.
“No, Jocelyn. We’re going out today,” I said. “Did you forget?”
“No. I remember, but…”
“But what?” I asked.
“I can’t… I’m fine to wear what I’m wearing, Miss.”
I looked over her choice.
“What?” she asked.
“Are you sure?”
Josie frowned. “What do you mean, am I sure? I like this dress.”
“More than my cousin?”
She scoffed. “I—” She took a breath. “I like this dress, and I think your cousin would like it—No! Ugh. It doesn’t matter if he likes it. I like it.”
“Yes, yes,” I told her. “I like it, too. I’m sorry, I…
I didn’t mean it wasn’t a nice dress. It’s…
It’s a great color on you, but I am also certain there are few colors you cannot pull off.
So. I just…” I pointed to the other. “I think I might be over-considering my appearance for today, but I don’t have anything more simple than these two dresses, and I don’t want to look like I am a sore thumb, sticking out and all.
What I meant to say was… I don’t even know. I think I am naturally unpleasant.”
“I didn't say that!”
“Would you please just help me?” I asked her.
“Always, Svana, but how can I do that?”
“Well, again. I don’t hate your dress,” I said. “I’m sorry for implying it. I just… Please wear the lavender one? Then I won’t feel overdressed. And you can have it. Really. If you like it so much. I swear, unless you don’t. I mean. You can wear the orange. You can.”
She glanced at them. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I muttered. “Even though it's my favorite.”
“I don’t want to wear the orange one,” she said. “My hair is orange.”
“Oh,” I said.
“You’re sure I can wear the lavender?” she checked.
“Yes, Josie,” I lit. “Please. Please. By all means!”
“It looks more expensive than anything I own,” she said.
“It has matching shoes,” I bartered, hurrying to point to them. “Though I…I suppose I don’t know your size.”
“We wear the same,” she said. I cocked my head. “I may have… Never mind.”
“Miss Jocelyn, you would be doing me such a favor,” I said. “Wait, have you tried on my shoes?”
“I do not think so,” she said.
I frowned. “It would be fine if you had….”
“Would it?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Anyway, you’d seriously save me.”
“Save you? Really? BY spending the day with the world's most handsome Blade?” she asked.
“And Ser Willoughby, yes,” I said.
“What?” she asked.
“Oh, you meant… Ew.”
“Yes. I meant Ser Willoughby.” She sighed. “Someone pinch me, for I must be dreaming.”
I did. “Ow!” she yelped, rubbing her arm. “Svana!”
“Josie,” I said back. “Wear the dress. It brings out your eyes.”
“Do you think?” she asked.
“I think, and I know,” I replied. “And I really, really like this one for myself.” I pulled the amber fabric to my chest. “Does it make me look too pale?”
“No.” Josie picked up her gown and paused.
“I can help you with the back,” I said, setting mine down, to guide her to spin.
Jocelyn slipped out of her outfit and stepped into the new one.
“Hold still,” I said. “I’ve never done this on another person before.”
“I think I can reach it,” she said, trying.
“You and what arms?” I asked. I moved her hand from my path to tie it. “You’re petite.”
“It’s fine, really,” she said.
“Stop,”I ordered her, swatting her again. “Let me fasten it,” I said.
Josie half-turned, nervously. “This feels wrong,” she said. “I should be dressing you.”
“In your dress?” I asked.
“No, I meant-”
“Hush.” I shook my head. “I know what you meant. Why should it feel wrong for a friend to help you tie the back?” I asked. “We’re both adults, and I think I can defeat this corset right and proper.”
“We’re adults, but one of us is a princess,” she explained. “I can’t imagine my fate if the Lord Commander saw us right now. He would tell you father, and your father would fire me in a moment for wearing something he had made for you.”
“Oh, you put too much stock into our Eli’s interest,” I said.
“The poor man would likely either leave immediately or simply ignore the whole ordeal and pretend like he never saw us disrobed at all. Besides, this dress was paid for by the Prince, and are dresses really made for one person in particular?”
“In this case, yes,” she said. “These dresses were literally designed for you, Your Highness.”
“There are ladies in Dawne at my mother’s school who trade their gowns,” I said. “My aunt told me once.” I drew the binding tighter around her chest, bringing her hand to her rib.
“You don’t want any of my clothes,” she said.
“If I don’t, it’s only because I have so many of my own, and I have so many of my own because I have nothing else.”
“What?”
“Sorry, I meant…”I paused. “I’m just happy you agreed to wear this. With any luck, Willough will forget he is at work and think of this more as a…. Well….”
“A courting?” she asked.
“Aye, you words,” I said.
“Willough,” she repeated.
“Hmm?”
“Nothing, I… I just like the way you shortened Willoughby. It suits him.”
“I can’t take credit, I’m afraid. Mr. Evergreen called him that first.”
“Willow trees are so graceful,” she noted.
I wrapped her bow. “You think my cousin is graceful?”
She nodded. “And tall. And resilient, and strong, and likely flexible.”
“Flexible?” I asked.
“Yes, just like the tree,” she said. “I’m sure nothing phases him. He is completely at ease at all times just as a willow is.”
“Uh-huh.”
She hummed. “I must admit I… I wasn’t sure you were earnest when you invited me. It kept me up all night. I… I wore the other dress in case you were joking. It’s between outing and work. I do have some other choices. If you prefer I-”
“Are we still discussing what you’ll wear?” I asked. “I think I should be angry that you insist upon refusing. Is my dress ugly?”
“No, I-”
“I’m joking,” I told her. “I really didn’t mean to say anything ill of anything. I like what you wore. I like everything you wear. I just… Mr. Evergreen suggested that I struggle in social settings. I think he’s right.”
“He said you struggle in social settings? That’s incredibly rude, Your Highness.”
“Well. He didn’t say it that way, but he’s also not wrong. He said I was naturally unpleasant.”
“That’s worse. And we like him?” she asked.
“I just meant to say, the dress I like has beads, Jocelyn. Beads. For a horse ride. In the country. With two brutes. It’s a bit much, and just like me, it may not fit in if left alone.”
She smiled. “Daniel is hardly a brute.”
“Right. A brute and a nobleman,” I corrected.
“He’s soft and kind,” she said. “Mr. Evergreen is a brute. I’ll give you that. I can’t believe he called you unpleasant. You’re so great.”
“I’m great?” I asked.
“Yes! I really enjoy your company, Your Highness.” She arched her brow. “Your Highness?”
“You like my company?” I asked.
“Yes, of course.”
“I…” I handed her my dress and quickly presented her my back.
She helped me transfer from my nightgown to the next.
“I have to say this is significant news. At risk of sounding stupid, I just… It really scares me to meet new people. So your reception of me is… Well, I feel sick when I do,” I explained. “Thank you for saying you like me.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” she said. “It’s true.”
“Whenever I must present myself to a Lord or Lady, or when I am presented, I feel actually ill. Mostly dizzy, or my heart races, but almost always, something is not right,” I said.
“It feels as though there is a weight of impending doom upon me. Even with our staff. I am always afraid they will hear stories about me and then…” I steeled myself.
“Then I am judged before I ever have a chance.”
She was silent a moment longer.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
“Would you like to know what they say?” she asked.
“What?” I cleared my throat. “Who?”
“The staff,” she said. “I could tell you what’s said about you. It’s the least I can do for all your kindness.”
“...Will I hate it?” I asked.
“Maybe, but it might feel better to know,” she said.
I nodded.
Josie smiled. “Most of the footmen comment upon your beauty, that is, behind the Lord Commander’s back.
None of them would dare admit the appeal to him, or to anybody who might snitch about it, but one of them is so against the idea of complimenting you, I think he might love you. The knights say nothing.”
I folded my arms. “Is that all?”