Chapter 10 #3
He turned pointedly. “And neither would Ser Elías. Neither will I. Hellveig got what she deserved. Not you.”
“Willoughby, no. You’re mistaken. Elías has worked so hard for his good name.
I cannot let you think so poorly of him to consider that he would do such a wretched thing as you’re implying.
Miss Hellveig fell. She fell down the foyer stairs.
You’ve seen them. They’re marble. They’re slippery.
It was cold. He did not push her, I swear. ”
“How many days did he find you battered?” he asked. “How many times did you shield the depth of her education from him? Did you hide beneath long sleeves and in secret passages that lead to crypts? When I found you, you were crying. You told me to shut the door and tell no one where you were.”
“I don’t remember that,” I said. “I don’t think I said that.”
“I remember it. And I remember when she came into the dining room and she collected you. I remember you were scared, and I remember I didn’t see you again until we left that Friday.”
“I wasn’t supposed to play,” I said. “I was supposed to be in mathematics.”
“I thought you hated me,” he said.
“No.”
“Honestly, for so many years. I was so blind. You never came to visit. I rarely saw you when we did.”
“I was in my studies,” I said quieter.
“Then one day it just… made sense. One day I realized you were scared. You’re still scared. She’s dead and yet…Cousin, I can help you now.”
“I don’t need help,” I said.
“I’m so sorry.”
“No. I’m sorry I made you feel like I hated you,” I said. “I didn’t.”
“It’s not your fault. People see what they want to see. They see what they’re told to see, and they ignore what they want to ignore. I didn’t like myself, I would think, why should you?”
“I did like you,” I said. “I didn't like your brother. The eldest—Jack?” He nodded. “But I liked you. Jack was hateful, and Owen, compliant. You were the good one.”
“They’ve changed with age,” he said. “As have I. They’re both married now. Jack has a son.”
“I remember the announcement. I sent a wreath.”
He sighed. “Fully functional contributors of high society.”
“...Are you well?” I asked.
“I’m just sorry,” he said. “I knew something was wrong and I did nothing.”
“We were children, Daniel,” I said. “What could you have done?”
“I could’ve told my father,” he said.
“I would’ve hated you then. Do you think I wanted the Viscount to know? For what? You think my Father didn’t?” I scoffed. “All you would’ve done is further humiliate me and perpetuate the rumors to South Aire. At least this way they are confined to King’s Land.”
“It doesn’t matter. We’re not children anymore, are we?”
“You’re right.”
“I want to mend our bond, Svana. I want you to trust me.”
“I do.”
“No. I want you to know that I’m a man of many skills and more importantly, I’m a man on your side. When your Father offered me the Kingsguard, I accepted with the knowledge that only in this honor, could repent for my inaction. I intend to do that.”
“Willoughby, it’s fine. It’s—”
“It’s not fine, Svana. We’re family. Family protects family. Ser Elías and I will never allow anyone to hurt you ever again, I promise you. That’s all the farm was about. That’s all these rides are about. I am here for your safety and the safety of Oreia’s future. Alright?”
“I won’t jeopardize my marriage to the Prince,” I said. “I—”
“I don’t give a rat’s ass about the fucking Prince!” he spat.
“I beg your pardon?”
“I don’t care about the Prince,” he said. “The man insults you every day that he violates your union with another woman, but it doesn't matter. What matters is how your marriage appears, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that nothing is as it appears.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I will help you protect your image and your reputation. I will tell anyone who asks that you don’t enjoy Mr. Evergreen’s company more than the Prince’s.
I’ll encourage the rumor that you are well wed and happy for as far as I can send it and for as long as I should live and I can be very convincing, Your Highness. I am so good at all the games.”
“I-”
“I’ll keep you safe from those who would harm you, and I won’t ever ignore your fear again.
And I will never mistake the trust we share as grounds to overstep or control you.
If you say that Mr. Evergreen is good, then I believe you, no matter Ser Elías’s concern.
And if you want to dazzle me with shiny maids and aim to distract me with lavender gowns, so be it.
I love lavender and I will do as you command.
The only time I will ever step in, is if you are in immediate danger and I must. Is that fair? Is that enough?”
“Ser…” I could not say much else.
“I respect Ser Elías. I do, but sometimes he is too rigid, and if he is my father figure and yours, then that makes us more than cousins, does it not? We’re siblings, and siblings help each other defy their parents from time to time.
Believe, I would know. As long as you are safe, I don’t see the harm in a little happiness, but we must be intentional about what is known by whom and there is no better for this job than me. ”
“I am sure I don’t know what you mean, and I am sure I didn’t mean to dazzle you,” I said.
“Yes you did, but it’s alright. I’m perfectly content with being dazzled. Miss Jocelyn is a very beautiful woman.”
I slowly relented. “I see that you’re a lot smarter than I thought you were.”
“You see what I want you to see. You see what I want everyone to see. It comes with the territory of being third born in a house of power hungry asshats. Pardon my language, Princess.”
“Still, I must say, I had no idea you felt such allegiance to me,” I said. “I’m a bit taken aback.”
“You’re the Crown, cousin,” he said. “I am a knight.”
“Still.”
“Do you feel better?” he asked.
I took a moment to assess. “From my dream? Actually, yes.”
“Good. Go back to bed,” he said.
“What? No. You go.”
“I can’t.”
“Of course you can, you just won’t because you’re stubborn and kinder than you ought to be,” I scolded him. “To me especially. So really. Go.”
“No.”
“If you’re useless on our ride, I’ll be furious.”
“No you won’t,” he said.
“Yes,” I pressed. “Yes, I will. I’m actually quite selfish like that!”
“Sure you are,” he said, rolling his eyes. “But in the morning we’ll find our friends and we will be too merry to be sour, and this will be a night behind us. All nights pass. Remember that.”
“Willoughby.”
”Go.”
“I-”
“If you arrive with bags under your eyes, Mr. Evergreen will ask you what’s wrong.
You’ll probably tell him we spent all night talking about our plans and preference for him.
He’ll feel weird that I know there’s something more between you than what should be.
The ride will be awkward. He could choose to distance himself from you in fear of what may come.
If I arrive with bags beneath my eyes, no one will think twice of it, and I won’t be bad off, I promise.
I’m used to long nights and as soon as I see Miss Jocelyn, all the sleep in the world will have fallen short of the rest she gives me anyway. ”
“All the—Oh, my word. That is quite something to declare of her, Ser Willoughby. Are you sweet then? She’s sweet on you.”
He rolled along the stone. “Yes.”
“This is great news,” I said. “She’ll be so happy.”
“About that. I prefer you keep it to yourself,” he said.
“But she-”
“Please. I have my reasons. Trust me.”
“...Alright.”
He nodded. “When you see Mr. Evergreen tomorrow, tell me if I’ve captured the sensation correctly or not.”
I blushed, heat ripping through the vessels of my face. “We are just friendly.”
“You can trust me,” he said. “As proof, say the word and Miss Jocelyn and I will find ourselves on a separate path tomorrow. I’ll aid you in your scheme to be left alone. That is, for a time.”
“This all feels highly, highly inappropriate,” I said.
“Does it?” he asked. “Did you not ride alone for several weeks before I was assigned as escort? Miss Jocelyn said by the suggestion of His Royal Highness no less.”
“Yes, but.”
“And if nothing happened at the farm—”
“It didn’t!” I cried.
He scanned my face. “And there have been no public incidents to note?”
“No!” I said. “Not at all.”
“Then I hardly think he’s a man of opportunity or lack of control. And he didn’t skip town when we discovered you before or when I spoke to him. I think I could be content with granting you two some time, though I won’t be far away. Call for me; I’ll come.”
“I’m telling you the truth, Ser. Mr. Evergreen is not dangerous.”
His impish face was back. “Then this heightened defense is a result of the thoughts you’re having, eh? Or is it just the feelings you’ve grown for him?”
“Neither.”
“Neither? Then what reason would you have to be apprehensive of returning to the way things have always been, if nothing’s changed?”
“I, I’m not apprehensive,” I said. “I didn’t want you, or Josie, to ride with us. I tried to keep it from happening. I tried to keep the rides how they were. Eli sent you. Remember?”
Ser Willoughby chuckled.
“It’s not funny,” I said. I took a long inhale.
“I just do as I am told, but do you want to know what likely tipped him off? Elías, I mean?”
“There’s nothing to tip off.”
“You smile when I say Mr. Evergreen. I imagine it’s the same with anyone else—that you do it whenever you hear the name, but it is such a rare occasion from your general demeanor, that anyone should notice should they know you.”
“I don’t smile,” I said.
“You do. You just smiled, in fact.”
I purposely defused the brightness on my expression. I paused, seriously. “Say I did see a benefit of finding myself alone with Mr. Evergreen tomorrow?”
He pointed rudely at my face. “Smiling.”
I frowned. “Does it not offend you? My ignorance of his station?”
That sparked humor out of him, and with it he slid his hands behind his head. “Aye, much in the way mine of Miss Jocelyn’s offends you, or?”
“But it doesn’t offend me. I- Oh. I see what you did with that. I feel violated. Like you’ve tricked me into confessing something.”
“A habit, really,” he said. “Often a point of what I did in the War.”
“I’m sorry my father made you do those things,” I said.
He clicked his tongue. “I’m sorry you think he made me.”
“What?”
“Your father.”
“You said he enlisted Rusted Blades?”
“Yes, but I wrote him. I asked him for the role.”
“Why would you ask for it?” I asked.
“Because I’m good at hurting people, Svana,” he said. “And I enjoy it equally. Just like I’ll enjoy hurting Mr. Evergreen when he fucks up.”
“…Mr. Evergreen has always been cordial,” I said, relying upon the word. “He’s never once been out of line, and when I’ve asked him not to do something, he’s not done it. He’s not bad. He’s good.”
His hand came to my shoulder. “Then spend your time with him as you see fit, but promise me you’ll be careful. Sure, before you do anything. And if he pressures you to do something you’re not ready for, you’ll tell me first before Ser Elías. Before he can give him a fair trial.”
“Um… Alright.”
“Thank you.”
“I think I’ll go to bed now,” I said, moving to the door. “Cousin?”
“Hmm?”
“When you say you enjoy hurting people… You mean bad people, right?”
“I only hurt bad people, Svana,” he said.
“Good.”
“Good night, Your Highness.”
“Good night, Ser.”