Chapter 15 #2
“It makes sense with your position here, but, I… Mr. Evergreen, you said you remained at the Capitol.”
I could almost see his mind reeling at the question—devising a way to avoid it.
“I’m not angry,” I added, quickly. “I’m not angry. As I said, you’re safe with me, sir.”
“I’m not sure why you keep saying that,” he said. “I know we’re safe. I have my sword.”
“No, I… I… emotionally, sir.”
“Emotionally?” he asked.
“Yes. You lied to me but I’ve had time to consider why that might be. So. Whatever your reason, I’m sure you had it. Please. Tell me. Why? Why did you lie to me, Mr. Evergreen?”
He was slower with his reply. “I wouldn’t call it a lie; I simply did not divulge it all to you.”
“You don’t trust me with your secrets?” I asked. “You have all of mine.”
He came closer, carefully running my arms with his warm hands. He brought his fingers to my collarbone and swept the droplets from its peaks.
“Oh, is that rightI?” he asked. “I have all of them?”
A soft noise abandoned me with his touch. His fingers skirted my neck. Abruptly, I stumbled backward, with wild eyes. The light flickered on his face.
“I am angry with you!” I cried. “You lied. More than once! Tell me why.”
“You just said you weren’t angry,” he returned. He snapped a finger my way. “I knew you were. You think you’re clever, don’t you? But who’s the real liar, Princess?”
I scoffed. “You. Still you!”
Mr. Evergreen raked his hand across his chin. He said, “I… I want to explain. There’s never been a moment that I didn’t, but I… I don’t know how or where to begin.”
I softened at that. “...Did you deploy with other soldiers?”
He studied me. Then answered. “On some days,” he said. “I did stay here as well. A lot of times.”
“What did you do when you went?” I asked.
He focused on something behind me on the wall. “I did what I had to.”
My chest tightened with the thought, but more that he was upset.
He said, “I lied to you because I don’t…” He lost a sigh. “I didn’t wish to look my Queen in the eyes and tell her I was a traitor to her land. Our land.”
“A traitor?” I asked.
“Yes. Call me what I am. I’ve killed Oreian men in the name of King Sameer,” he said. “There’s no other name for that. I understand who I am. Is that what you want me to say?”
“Is it the truth?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I’m not proud of it. I’m not proud of the War at all, even from your side. Our side. Sorry. So many people died. For what? Power? The Crown?”
I touched his cheek; his eyes closed.
“Svana…” He said, “I cannot claim what I did was righteous; I cannot bring myself to explain to you that I did it to remain where I was. Selfishly. To be here. I cannot stand to hear you ask, why, Mr. Evergreen, why did you keep this horror from me?”
“The War hurt us all,” I vowed.
Evergreen laughed, dark and quietly. “I love Chalke, Princess. I do. She’s been my home for many years when Oreia could not have me.
While I do not begin to dismiss our country’s importance, I…
My father was here. You see? He was sick.
He relied on me. Sameer relied on me. He was my friend, and I…
And I kept it from you because I… I liked how you looked at me when you didn’t know the depravity of my actions to remain in comfort. ”
“I don’t believe it was only about comfort for you,” I argued.
“You absolutely should.”
“No,” I said. I shook my head, determined. “There’s something you’re not saying. You’re shallow. You’re not a coward. You… Would His Majesty have sent you home?” I asked. “King Sameer? Without your father? If you did not pledge your allegiance?”
He only glanced at that. “I would not have seen home, Svana.”
“Then what—Oh,” I said. “He would’ve…?”
“Daniel mentioned obstacles that us immigrants faced, yeah? They were real. They are real. I don’t know.
With the Treaty, things have changed, minutely, but while we were fighting…
It was made very clear to me that all Palace employees who were men of ability and age, would fight for His Majesty or be removed. Permanently.”
“What did Sameer say?” I begged. “Did he not defend you? You’re friends!”
“He was a kid, Svana. We both were. What could he say?” he asked. “What could anyone say?”
“He was not a kid. Not ever. Royals are not children. And if you were sent to fight, then you were a man, and you and so was he! You’re the same age. I know this. I pay attention. He should’ve stood up to his father for you!”
“Oh. Should he have? And what about you, Your Highness? You’re royal. Never been a child, then, eh? Have you always stood up to your father?” he asked.
My words quivered. “W-Why did you not flee? Why not come home?” I asked. “...Can you?”
“Your pardon?”
“Can you return home?” I asked. “To Oreia, I mean. Are you—Are you a fugitive?”
He bristled.
“Oh. That—” I nodded foolishly. “I see. Well there’s that then. You know, I’m not as dull as you may believe, Mr. Evergreen. I know there are men out there— criminals, that—”
“I do not think you are dull,” he said. “No one would ever accuse you of that. You’re perfectly sharp. Like a dagger, really.”
“You lie, unprompted. You avoid all talk of our culture, of my father, unless you’re taking strikes at his character.
You’re quick with a sword. Gifted in many talents but yet your position here is threatened and you choose to remain, not return home where you belong.
You’re a malefactor. My father has banned you. Confess.”
“A malefactor?” he asked.
“It means—”
“I know what malefactor means, Svana! I am not a malefactor.”
“You’re not? Are you sure?” I asked. I listened to his words. “Wait. You said I am, not ‘I’m.’”
“What?” he said. “Yes, I am. I’m sure. I’m not a criminal!”
“No, the contraction—I mean! Oh! It wouldn’t change how I feel about you,” I confessed. “Or how I looked at you. I would still—” I stopped, eyes wide.
Evergreen paused, brows coming to a point. “…How do you feel about me, Princess?”
I moved on. “Then it’s your hatred for His Majesty. Does it bleed into your opinion of me?” I asked.
“I don’t hate your father, love,” he said. His voice was smoother.
“I’m not him. I will not pay for his sins!” I added.
“You really…?” Mr. Evergreen scowled. “Svana… I… Alright. Fine. I did not go home because I did not want to go home. While I do not hate the King, I do not love him either. He is strictly a piece on the board I cannot control.”
“Oh, and you control me?” I hissed.
“That’s not… That’s not what I meant,” he said. “I meant… I prefer to be here.”
“Under a king who’d have you killed for not wanting to kill your countrymen?” I asked.
“Tell me yours wouldn’t,” he said.
“I-”
“Look me in my eyes and tell me that King Nikolai would not have had me hung for treason if he felt like it.”
“I-I…I can’t,” I said.
“War is war,” he said. “It is what it is. It changes folk, for better or for worse. I wanted to remain here. I told you, my life was here. My friends, my father, my name—even if Sam had stood up for us lowly immigrant peasants, even if we’d been granted refuge somewhere in this land, even if I could have gone home at any point or slipped away without a trace, my father did not have such mobility.
He was very sick. Very sick, Svana! I remained here with him so that in his last days, he could have the care of the Palace, that Sam did see to, that he did not have to die alone, and did not have to suffer, and I’m not sorry for it!
I am not sorry for the costs I paid to give him that.
And I’m certainly not angry with Sameer when he was just as confined as I was.
” He took a sharp breath. “When he passed, I went. Alright? I went to fight because I had to, but because what other purpose did I have once he was gone? What other place? I was angry and I did what I had to, to stay near the people I loved who remained alive. And when the Treaty came, I… I stayed then, too. Because… Because there are promises I made that I felt… possibly, somehow, I could find a way to keep.”
“Duty,” I said.
“What?”
“That feeling? That guilt? The promises?” I explained.
“That’s duty. The very thing you torment for.
But I cannot fault you for the same vice that puppeteers me.
Duty is why I’m here. Why I must marry Sameer.
I understand, and, for what it’s worth, though I am not as close as perhaps you were to yours, I understand how your father’s welfare might influence your…
fear. If something were to happen to His Majesty, to my father, I… I would feel complicatedly lost.”
He pinched the space between his eyes. “Lost, yes. But …You will be taken care of,” he said. “Sam is a good man, I hope you’ll see.”
“You hope I’ll see?” I asked.
He took a deep breath. “You will. It did not take me long to like him. He welcomed me right away.”
“You’re a good man,” I said. “A better one, I’d wager.” A single brow went up and he brooded at the statement. I dropped my arms to my side. “Tell me I’m wrong,” I dared him.
“You’re wrong,” he said. “I am a rake and a liar.”
“The number of times you’ve conflicted that very accusation—the number of ways it conflicts itself! You don’t have any idea who you are, Evergreen!” I cried. “Lie to me. Lie to me again. Lie to your Queen! I want to hear it!”
“It’s not a lie,” he said.
“I want to hear you say it. Tell me. Tell me that if your places were interchanged, you would seek the company of any other woman than me, your wife! That that is just how good men, good husbands behave, even to their soulmates.”
“I can’t,” he said.
“Why not?” I asked. “The other lies come so easily, why can you not manage this?”
“I would not take another woman, if you were my wife,” he said.
“Wouldn’t you? Sameer does it. You’re not as good as him,” I pressed. “But you are prettier. Smarter. Manlier! I bet you could bed as many whores as you wished! Multiple in one night if you were creative, and you could certainly make me one.”
“I would not,” he said.