Chapter 21
Mr. Evergreen was given room and board at the Palace until arrangements for an extended stay at the inn in town could be made.
As a ‘precaution over bandits,’ and definitely not swordsmen staying somewhere in the vicinity, Ser Elías vowed to sit with me until I fell asleep.
In exchange, I forced him to pick apart every single syllable that Mr. Evergreen had uttered to me while he was there to hear it, and then I made him repeat his assessments, one by one, to ensure I was not misinterpreting things, that Mr. Evergreen was, indeed, concerned for my safety in a way that only men romantically interested in a woman might be concerned.
When I dared ask which room he was assigned and for how long, my knight’s response was simple.
‘A week at the Palace displaced, and Autumn before they began the reconstruction of his home.’
I tried, desperately, to exceed Elías’ ability to stay conscious, but he was too aware of why I might attempt such a thing, and seemed energized by the fact.
He leaned back in his chair, knitting his arms together, then he kicked his boots out in front of him, casually barring the exit. He closed his eyes.
“...Where is the inn they’ll place him at?” I asked.
“In town,” he said with a yawn.
“Where in town?” I asked.
“Svana,” he said.
“What?”
“You know what.”
“Do I?” I asked coyly. I groaned, defeated. “I only thought that I might send him something, is all. For his spirits.”
“Ah, yes, for his spirits,” he said. He didn’t bother to open his eyes. “But Mr. Evergreen is not at the inn tonight, is he?” he asked. “I am happy to chaperone you to his room, should you feel compelled to speak to his spirits, but you will not be left alone.”
“Great, I-”
“In the morning,” he added. “Not now.”
“Right.” I exhaled, hugging a pillow. “...What did the doctor say again?”
Eli shifted. He peeked at me, then sat up, another yawn. “Strict avoidance of any sort of physical activity, lest the stitch will not hold properly, and the wound will lose its chance to mend,” he quoted. “You should take that seriously, Your Highness.”
“I–” I scoffed. “Of course I will, and I’ll have you know that… that is not the nature of our relationship. We, uh, well, I–”
He raised his brow.
“It’s not!” I hurried. “Though, I shall mourn the loss of the opportunity, I dare say.”
He was silent for a moment longer. Staring. “Svana, there are things I never wish to know about your life. The nature of your relationships venture into that realm quite earnestly.”
“I understand. I will take note of that.”
“Great,” he said.
The castle was quiet. Elías was quiet. Soon, the events of the days weighed so heavily, that the moment I shut my eyes too long, I drifted into dreams of stained glass and tiny houses of worship, where Cyrus’s hands and lips pressed to mine, and in my fading consciousness, despite my na?vety, I suddenly began to understand all the words that Eli had said to me when we had left the castle.
“On your wedding night, you will go to his bedchamber, and it just comes naturally. He will undress you, and you him, and if he is a gentleman, he will kiss you, make you feel safe, and hold you after.”
Mr. Evergreen had kissed me, I thought. He had kissed me in the most delicate of places but it was still a kiss; that made him a gentleman.
We had begun to undress each other; he literally killed to protect me, to make me safe–not just feel it, and though we were not married, I felt as though I had discovered some secret magic about what that vow could mean.
Before I had impaired his chance to do it, he had intended to say he loved me. He had traveled days–days across an empire just to collect a feather to enforce the words. I had no justification for stopping, just fear.
But whether it was it to preserve myself from the consequences of such an emotion, despite reaping the benefits, or to protect him from the dangers of loving me… he has felt it. I felt it.
Cyrus loved me.
Around noon the following day, I became very aware of how difficult the week would be.
Ser Elías made his arrangements to return home.
To inform my father, to collect his knights for the mission.
He would be gone by Friday, and gone by my hot-headed command–my father’s blood maneuvering me like an angry puppeteer.
There was nothing I could do to stop it and as the day went on, I felt increasingly more alone.
He advised me that Jocelyn took the day off for stress, and that Mr. Evergreen had departed early in the morning with Sameer and a few of the footmen, to recover what they could of his effects.
Elías didn’t pause to coddle my feelings. He went on with his ministrations as he counted his tasks on his fingers.
“I’ve written to your father of the incident at the cottage,” he said. “The letter will alert him of my arrival ahead of time; however, I will be gone by his reply. See to it on my behalf.”
I nodded.
“Feel free to write him of other things. You might inform him you’re alright. Tell him about happier thoughts. The dance. The horse.”
I nodded again, but slower. “I’ll reply on your behalf, Ser, but if His Majesty wished to know how well I have adapted to life in Chalke, he would have written to me himself by now,” I told him. “That is something I have learned while here. If a man wanted to do something, he would.”
He narrowed his eyes slightly, then sighed. “Should I attach a personal note from you? I’m sure I can catch the letter before it’s sent.”
“No,” I said. We ambled through the garden. “That defeats the purpose of what I’m saying.”
“Nothing comes to mind?” he asked. “Nothing to share with the King?”
“Nothing,” I confirmed. He gave me a look, so I relented. “Ugh. If I think of anything important before you depart, I’ll advise. But again, if my father wanted to know about my time here, he’d ask.”
“I think I know your father better than you. I’m certain he’d like to hear from you,” he said.
“Oh, you’re certain, are you?” I asked. “Are you also restricting the delivery of his letters to me then, Lord Commander? I don’t remember seeing one.”
“You have never been apart for such a long time,” he commented. “Perhaps he doesn’t know that he can write to you?”
I scowled. “A man—a king—knows what he can and cannot do. And Father has never asked permission for anything before. Why would he for this? For me?”
“I don’t know, Svana. It seems your mind is made. As there will be no convincing you, I’ll simply discard the subject. Now. You’re not to leave the Palace grounds without Ser Willoughby. Listen to me when I say that. It’s for your safety not to control you.”
I nodded, this time, slightly peeved. “Yes, sir. I’m aware.” But my mind was elsewhere. “…Do you think it is a bad sign that Mr. Evergreen didn’t inform me of his plans to leave this morning?” I asked.
“What plans?” he asked.
“Of leaving this morning,” I repeated. “I said that.”
“Ah.”
“Ah?” I asked. “Ah what? So you do think it’s bad?”
“No,” he said. “I do not.”
“Uh huh, I see, and you’re certain of that?” I asked.
Elías tsked. “I’m certain, yes.”
“How can you be certain?” I stopped him, my hand on his arm. He turned. I searched his eyes for any hint of hesitation.
“Svana, I think that because I provided a conduit for your communication last night he’s using it now so that he can avoid endangering your connection with so many eyes on you today,” he said.
I narrowed my gaze at his. “…You know you really should have been a king,” I said.
“That was very well-worded. And, if I'm being quite honest, I’m actually shocked my father didn’t marry you off to some high-born lady.
He’s always meddling like that—arranging marriages and such.
And you’re a naturally born politician, I dare say.
Always coaxing my moods. Always navigating social constructs with such ease. ”
He nodded, silent for a moment. “Your Blade is trying to be discreet.”
“Aye.” I exhaled. “And I suppose that’s for the best.”
“Yes. It is one thing to bask in the freedom of riding out into the forest to flirt and frolic. It’s another to co-exist beneath the same roof–a roof that belongs to your intended.
Everyone is watching you, and, in my experience, that makes clandestine affairs difficult to sail undetected.
I’m certain that a man like your Mr. Evergreen is well aware of this. ”
“Are you suggesting that Mr. Evergreen has participated in affairs with high society before?”
“I’m suggesting nothing,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. “Well. I’m not sure which I prefer, flirt and frolic or clandestine affairs, ha!
” I looked at him silly. “Is that what you think we do? Flirt and frolic secretly? We actually do ride, you know? We both enjoy riding, in fact. We both love horses. He has a natural way with them.” I canted my head wistfully at the thought of him on Issac. So regal. So controlled.
“You forget, I was a young man once,” he said with plumage, adjusting his shoulders proudly. “I know what young men think about. I know what young charming men can convince a lady to do. Trust me on that.”
“Oh, yes, I have quite the understanding of what Young Elías thinks he was capable of. Don’t fret that, dear friend.
But I dare ask, if you were such a heartbreaker, tell me.
Why was there never a Mrs. Gregory?” I laughed.
“You must not be as skilled as you think in convincing ladies of anything. Indeed, I am always defying you, for instance.”
Elías shrugged. “Svana, I am far more skilled a flirt than your Blade could ever dream to be,” he told me.
He arched his brow with such confidence.
“But I’m not a man to brag about such things.
I keep the secrets I’ve promised to keep, and a gentleman keeps his promises.
You defy me because we are not that type of companions and we will never be such companions.
But trust me, I am plenty convincing when I aim to be. ”
“Ew,” I said, partly gagging. We started walking again.
“I’ll try to bury that little demonstration somewhere dark in here.
” I tapped my temple. “In any event, I prefer you wifeless. It means I have you all to myself and to be blunt, I’m not sure I could tolerate it if you split your attention between me and another woman. Romantic companions or not.”
He raised his brows in agreement. “And I am quite fulfilled in my career. Thank you for asking.”
“Mmhm,” I said. “Yes. Your career. Spoken like a true spinster, Ser.”
He clicked his tongue, then chuckled half-heartedly. “Back to your concern,” he retreated. “And I tread lightly, disagreeing with you, Your Highness, but I do think your Blade’s careful intentions with appearances is well-placed.”
“Hmph.”
“And I confess, I did have my worries with the boy, at first… but after the bandits…after the fire...” He stopped walking again.
“And after speaking to you of your affection for him, despite the challenges you’ve faced…
I… reluctantly admit that he has put some parts of my mind to ease.
That is, at least, in regard to your physical safety. ”
“He has?” I asked. My eyes widened ever so slightly as I looked at him. “That’s…quite a sentiment from you.”
“Aye,” he said. “Some parts. Not all parts.” Elías took another moment to choose his words.
“I still do not approve of your relationship, but if you’re going to converse privately with anyone, let it be with a man who risks his life for yours.
That is how it should be if it must be. Then at least my hair will grey at half the speed. ”
I blushed. “He is quite gallant,” I stated. “You should like that.”
“I’ve never disliked the boy,” he told me.
“Just his station,” I said.
He furrowed his brow. “No. Not his station. His station has nothing to do with it; it's yours that is the trouble.”
“Why? Because I must marry well?” I asked.
“No, because you are important to me, Svana. One day, when you have children of your own, you’ll understand what I mean.
It’s difficult to accept that anyone could be worthy of their hearts–even gallant soldiers.
I don’t mean your station as Princess. I mean your station as my most favorite person. ”
“I…” I shook my head dismissively. “When you speak like that, I’m forced to remember the days I used to wish you were my father,” I said.
“You…?” He paused. “You wished that?”
“Yes,” I said, laughing slightly, like it was obvious.
“Of course I did. Basically my whole life, in fact. Even now, as we speak.” My voice took on a dreamy tone as I presented the idea.
“To be the daughter of a knight, not an empire–the product of ‘undeniable love.’ I used to convince myself of that. That you and my mother shared undeniable love…” I sighed.
“Anyway, my life might be happier had that been the case, but as I am well aware, she was not a happy or loving person.”
Elías looked somewhere else. “You are the product of undeniable love; your parents loved each other. I know it.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, Ser. I’m a woman now–an adult. I understand very intently that some marriages are not romantic.”
“It’s not a lie,” he said.
“Miss Hellveig told me they fought like wet felines, and every single day,” I said.
“She was not around when Eliza was around,” he said, harder. “Hellveig didn’t know her. I did.”
I glanced at him. “Fine, but look me in the eyes and tell me my parents were flirting and frolicking, then,” I said.
He didn’t. He met my eyes. “Your parents loved each other, Svana,” he said. “But love doesn’t look the same for every person. It changes."
At the end of the path, one of the Palace’s maids waited for me. She curtsied and used my full title as we arrived.
“I beg your mercy, Your Royal Highness. Your gown was delivered,” she said. “Shall we try it on?”
With that, I inclined my head politely toward my knight. “I’m afraid duty calls,” I told him. “I must bid you farewell, Lord Commander. Thank you, for the amusing conversation.”