Chapter 29
Josie brought the corset in tighter at my command.
“I must look amazing,” I said, bracing my hand to the boning as she worked. I took a sharp breath.
“You don’t need a dress for that,” she said with a tug. “You’re beautiful every day.”
“You have to say those things; I’m your employer.”
She tsked. “Is Mr. Evergreen your employee, too?” she asked.
“No. Why?” I glanced at her in the mirror. “Why? Did he tell you I looked amazing? When?”
“No,” she laughed, canting her head in thought. “But I do fancy myself somewhat of an observant woman and I’ve always maintained that the way he looks at you confirms my suspicions. He would agree with me. You’re beautiful.”
“Well. He does tell me I am beautiful,” I noted. “Speaking of, how are you and–” I breathed sharply. “Mm.”
“Are you alright?” she asked, pausing her knot.
“I, uh.” I tried to breathe deeply, but couldn’t. “Alright then, maybe a little looser. Oof!” She complied right away, slightly releasing the bodice. “Ahem. Thank you. I meant to ask, how are you and Daniel? Has my cousin kissed you yet?”
“No,” she said. She pulled the ribbon.
“That’s too tight,” I heaved. “Ugh. You’re going tighter, Jocelyn. I did say looser, didn’t I?”
Josie let out a small sound and began to work backward. “Your pardon, Svana.”
“I see we are upset about it then?” I asked.
She nodded. “Aye.”
“Well. No worries, I’m certain our Blade has explained his reasoning for resisting you by now?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Good, I’m glad he–”
“Well. Actually, no,” she said. “He hasn’t. Not really. He’s just told me that he can’t pursue things.”
“What?” I asked, horrified. “He hasn't told you why? Why he can’t pursue you?”
“It’s not his fault. It’s not as though I’ve asked directly,” she said.
“Have you told him how you feel?” I checked.
“I do think he knows,” she said. “I have been very obvious.”
“Maybe. And maybe he is the idiot I keep saying he is. Trust your instincts, Josie! They’re there for a reason.”
“Svana,” she moaned.
“But have you told him?” I asked. “Sometimes telling a person something makes all the difference on whether or not they actually know what you’re hoping that they know.”
“Ah, such advice. I see you have been spending time with him, then. Daniel is so very deep thinking like that. He tells me you are friends now. He’s very proud of that.”
“Of course he is, Miss Jocelyn, I’m wonderful, but, I don’t wish you to worry about my cousin. Alright? I think we both know the feelings are there. He’s just marinating in them. That’s all. I shall speak to him myself, our alleged friendship be damned.”
“Svana.” She shook her head. “No.”
“Josie,” I said back. “Yes.”
“Please don’t,” she asked. “We’ve come close to acknowledging each other, but when I’m about to say it or he is, suddenly he changes the subject.
I'm positive that whatever his reason is for avoiding me, it’s noble,” she said.
“I can only trust that he knows what he wants. I must respect his decision when it isn’t me. ”
“You’re serious?” I feigned a gag.
“Perhaps he already has a lover?” she wondered.
“Or perhaps such a polite man was unimpressed by the way I behaved at the cottage.” Josie drifted in that thought.
“I wasn’t much of a lady then, I’m afraid.
I’m sure men of society don’t appreciate that sort of impropriety in their partners. Especially sons of Viscounts.”
“Some concerns. One, Ser Willoughby? A lover? Really?” I asked. “No. Second, I do think you should revisit the word noble. Perhaps an adjacent word, such as… I don't know, nobility?”
She found my eyes. “What do you know?” she asked.
“Me?” I clicked my tongue. “No, I know nothing. But he is quite noble, correct?”
“You’ve spoken to him,” she said. She spun me toward her. “Out with it!”
“I may have… I might have asked him if he… I mean, the good news is… Oh! It’s not my role to rob you of that revelation, please!”
Her face paled. “He hates me?” she asked. “I repulse him? I knew it!”
“What!” I cried. “How did you infer that? That is not at all what I was hinting at!”
“No?” She narrowed her eyes. “Then he is with another?” Her hand flattened to her chest. “Is she prettier than me?”
“No!” I shook my head.
“She’s not? That’s somehow worse!”
“No! No, Jocelyn, he…” I stomped my foot. “Please just trust me. Do not make me tell you. He will be so mad.”
She pursed her lips into a softer, sadder frown, an absolute pout.
“Josie… Fine!” I told her. “Fine but please! You cannot act as if you know. Daniel will never forgive me— it’s true, as much as it pains me to say, we are friends, and I do not wish to endanger that! I have so few friends.”
“Tell me what he said or I will braid your hair so badly that everyone speaks of it for years!” she promised.
I gasped. “You wouldn’t!”
“I would, Princess,” she spat. “I would and you know that I would! Fear me!”
I shut my mouth and I tried to find the laziest and most secret way to word myself. “Ser Willoughby is nobility,” I said.
“Are you daft?” she asked. “I know that. What does that have to do with anything?”
“He’s Lord Willoughby,” I said, cautiously. “Or he was. He’s Ser now, but his father is still Viscount Willoughby. In fact, you might know the name if you’re at all familiar with South áire. Their seat is in Locke, south of Harbourtown. He–”
“I know who Viscount Willoughby is,” she said.
“Well, he’s nobility,” I repeated.
“He’s– Oh,” she said. Something dawned on her. “I see. Say no more.”
“What? Wait. I haven’t said anything yet,” I replied.
She found my heels in the room and carried them over, handing them to me. “You needn’t. I understand perfectly.”
“I feel as though you don’t understand,” I said.
“Of course I do. Ser Willoughby is handsome, and young, and noble, not only in nature but in birth. He is better than me and he expects better for his bride. Yes. That sum it proper?”
I frowned. “No. No it does not.”
“Then what did I miss?” she asked. “Unless of course you lied about the pretty girl. So now I am of low quality and less pretty than the girl he’s–”
“There is no girl!” I shouted.
She danced her brows. “If you insist.” She took too long of a pause. She said, “I once knew a man who thought he was better than me. I don’t need another, thanks.”
“Wait, what?” I asked.
“Hmm?” She moved to the vanity.
“You said you once knew a man, then you said you needn’t another,” I said. “You… Wait. You always say things like that. …Are you… Are you the woman?”
“Am I a woman?” she asked. She gestured to her body.
“No, the woman. The woman you—Have you been speaking of yourself this whole time?”
Josie absolutely scowled.
“Miss Jocelyn,” I said. I leaned in. “I… Please forgive my blunder, but for clarity, I only meant that Ser Willoughby does love you but he holds fear that his noble father will drive you away because of their place within society. I did not mean to…” I revisited all her quiet comments and confessions she’d given over the summer.
“You said that you once knew a man who put his fists through walls, and kicked his wife’s dog. Are you… Were you married once?”
She was about to cry.
“Are you married now?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No! No, I swear it, miss.”
“Does Ser Willoughby know?”
“No!” She shook her head. “No, and he can’t ever,” she said.
“Don’t you think he should?” I asked.
She growled, annoyed. “No.”
“Daniel is not so shallow,” I told her. “But he deserves to know.”
“He will reject me,” she said. “He will see that I am not his equal, in more than just his status. It will not matter if he thinks he loves me now, he will know that I am not worth anything and all pleasant sensations will be destroyed in a single confession.”
“That isn’t true,” I told her. “He… Are you divorced?”
“Ser Willoughby is right. His father will never accept me,” she said.
“I don’t think he cares if his father accepts you or not. He was… He was worried the Viscount would pay you off,” I said.
“What?” she asked. “He thinks I’m shallow?”
“No!”
“That I should be so easily swayed by copper?” she asked.
“No!” I cried. “No! I misspoke again!”
“Then what did you mean, Svana?” she asked. Her tongue rolled against her teeth in a conniving, harmed manner. “Go on. Say it. If there’s one thing I can do, it’s take a beating.”
“I, I meant… Please, Jocelyn, for the love of God and all things holy, eliminate me from this discussion. Go and speak to Ser Willoughby yourself. I beg you. I am only ruining it all.”
She leaned into the desk, then lifted the mask from it and handed it over. “I will speak to Ser Willoughby only if you declare that I must or if you intend to disclose my widowhood. I’d rather the shock come from me than from you.”
“I…” I collected the disguise. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“One man’s curse is another’s blessing,” she said.
“I won’t… I, I’m not trying to share your secrets,” I said. “I don’t care that you were married. I just think that… Miss Josie, did your husband hurt you?”
She didn’t reply.
“I would not lie to you,” I said. “Ser Willoughby said specifically that he loved you and that he always had.”
“He did?”
“Yes. He said that he traveled with me to Chalke because he knew that you would be here. That sort of feeling doesn’t just vanish at the first sight of…” I searched her body for scars. “...harm.”
“Stop it, Svana,” she said.
I felt ashamed and looked down, adding, “He said that his father was angry with him for evading an engagement previously and that he… Oh, now I’m spilling everything!” I groaned. “I am bad at keeping secrets! I don’t mean to be! I just want you two to have a conversation and to be happy!”
Jocelyn swallowed. “He said specifically that he loved me? Loved? He said that word?”
“Yes!” I stomped. “Now, please! Release me from this cyclone of disappointment and just go speak to him yourself!”
Her demeanor changed and she flipped to check her reflection in the glass. “Do I look alright?” she asked.