Chapter 47
E verything around me felt so alive, while I felt like a lifeless zombie.
The hallways of Pantheon were crowded with students returning from winter break, their laughter and chatter contrasting sharply with the heaviness in my chest. I clutched onto my backpack, avoiding each of them as I weaved toward the Unifiers’ territory.
“Take care of your heart , my flower. A bruised heart is the worst sickness,” Grandma had said to me while driving me to the airport.
Little did she know that my heart wasn’t just bruised—it was shattered in thousands of pieces, held together by fragile bonds that threatened to break at any moment.
I glanced up from the floor, and my heart lurched painfully in my chest, those fragile bonds snapping. There he stood, descending the stairs, cloaked in a black hoodie, strands of his disheveled hair falling on his forehead, framing his tortured aura.
I was climbing the stairs, and every step closer to him filled me with impending doom. The stone railing felt icy against my trembling fingers, the cold seeping into my bones. A sharp intake of breath caught in my throat. Out of all people, why did it have to be him? He was my shadow, my tormentor, my heartbreak personified.
His pale complexion was marred by dark, angry bruises. He had them because of me, from the night he got into a fight on New Year’s Eve. I wanted to make him pay. To hurt him. But the purplish hues beneath his eyes hurt every fiber in me.
His gaze locked with mine, drawing me into the swirling depths of his gray eyes. In their obscurity, I felt myself drowning, gasping for air. The shattered fragments of my heart seemed to echo his unyielding stare, each beat of it reverberating against my ribs like a relentless drum. His cheeks were even more hollow than usual.
We collided, crossing each other side by side, and the urgency to escape his piercing gaze intensified. I raced up the stairs, desperate to escape before I crumbled in front of him.
Reaching the top, I sought refuge behind a nearby column, stealing a furtive glance back at him. He didn’t move, his gaze still upstairs. I closed my eyes. He was tearing me apart. It felt like a piece of my soul had been violently ripped away. With hurried steps, I rushed down the halls as if his memory was chasing me, haunting me at every turn.
Finally reaching my bedroom door, I flung it open and was greeted by Baron, squirming and rubbing himself against my feet. I scooped him into my arms and crushed him close to my chest, even though he wasn’t into hugs. I missed him and Yasmine, who was in the midst of reorganizing her library shelf, creating an empty space in two rows, with some of her books tossed in a corner.
I parted my lips; something must have happened.
She glanced over her shoulder at me and quickly positioned herself in front of the shelf, shielding it with her outstretched arms. “It was supposed to be a surprise. I’m not done!”
“A surprise, but…” I placed a hand over my heart. Behind her, I noticed pictures of us illuminated by twinkling bulbs. She had also crafted a book nook for our dorm. My chin quivered, and I felt my voice faltering. “You made a place for me in your library.”
“Well, yes… You showed me how to start living aside from fiction, and you…” She frowned. “Are you about to cry?”
I leaped into her arms. Baron jumped down as a three-person hug proved too much for him. “Of course not.” I squeezed her tighter. “Thank you so much.”
“I’m glad you’re that happy.” She gasped for breath under my embrace. “Also, you’ve got quite the strength.”
“Sorry.” I pulled away, wiping a tear from my eye. “I felt like I needed a hug.”
I thought I could come back and avoid Levi, but it would be harder than I thought. I could deal with ignoring my father and refusing to talk to him unless he told the truth to everyone, but Levi would always have an impact on me.
“I feel you. My Christmas holiday was horrible.” Yas sighed. “I was showing off my archery skills, and Tara completely humiliated me by proving she was better than me again. I lost it, tired of her bullying me and being goddamn hard on me. I’m pretty sure I called her a mean bitch.” She faked a smile, swallowing. “Since then, we haven’t talked. It’s not like she ever cared about me, right?”
I stroke her arm. “Don’t say that. She’s your sister. She’ll come back eventually.”
“You don’t know Tara.” She laughed. “She’s coldhearted. Anyway… There’s something for you on your bed.”
She pointed at a small box resting on my bed.
“What is this?”
“I don’t know. It was here when I arrived.”
I grabbed it, lifted the lid, and discovered a handwritten note nestled inside. Even his handwriting is gorgeous. My heart stirred, reading his words.
Your mom believed a ribbon represented the link between two beings. My mother believed colors were emotions. Each day, I’ll send you a ribbon of a different color. I’ll never stop. PS: There are 16.7 million colors, so that should keep me occupied.
I pulled out the silver-gray satin ribbon from the box. Delicate diamonds adorned its edges, catching the light like stars in the night sky. It was more than beautiful—it was a piece of magic, one of the most exquisite ribbons I had ever owned. That’s why he was on the stairs earlier. He left this for me. I pressed it tightly to my chest because it felt like holding on to the love Levi would never be able to give me.
I felt Yas’s hand on my shoulder behind me. “Do you want to tell me what happened between you and Levi?”
Shaking my head, I discarded the ribbon in the trash. “It hurts too much.”
I brushed away the tear sliding down my cheek. I had to stay hopeful and see the positive light piercing through the darkest sky. Always.
I reached into my bag and pulled out a rare edition of Pride and Prejudice , handing it to Yasmine. “This is for you.” Then I retrieved some catnip and crouched next to Baron. “And for you, sir.”
“I think I’m going to marry you!” Yas smelled the book pages like an addict. “How did you find this beauty?”
“It was my mom’s,” I said, a fragile smile tugging at the corners of my lips. It was the first time in days I could mention her out loud without crying.
Yas seized my hand and nodded. “You want to tell me more about her?”
“She wanted me more than anything, Yas. She was Lucie’s best friend, and…” I smiled through my blurry vision. “She defied the rules to help a friend. I think she wanted to make a difference in this world; she was kind but she also was fierce. No one but Lucie and I saw that side of her. I know I’ll make her proud, Yas. I’ll never let those who take her life away win.”
My tears spilled over. I had bottled up every tear for so long, but now they flowed freely. Mom wouldn’t want me to be sad, but those weren’t tears of sadness—they were tears of hope. Healing tears.
“I’ll play at Pantheon’s Great Opera until my melody reaches heaven.” I tightened my grip on her hand and lifted my chin. “I’ll speak so loud that they’ll never take her memory away. She’s more than a name on a plaque. She won’t be remembered as a victim. Lucie wasn’t a victim. I’m not a victim. We’re goddamn fighters who have been silenced for too long.”
“Amen to that.”
She hugged me, and I glanced to the side at my computer, its camera pointing at me. I could feel the weight of his intense, soulless, gray gaze on me. I could feel him, and I knew my heart would always be his, but he didn’t have to know that.
“Yas, do you have any tape?”
“You’re wearing two different colors of socks.” Gunther frowned at me. “Are you alright?”
“Yes.” I shifted uncomfortably on my seat, hiding my loafers underneath my chair. Not sleeping would do that to me. “It’s a fashion choice, and—”
Before I could finish, Mr. Delgado’s harsh interruption shattered the air. With a resounding thud, he slammed all our exam papers onto his desk, his piercing gaze fixed on me. “Anything you’d like to share with the class, Mrs. Mercier?”
“No, sir,” I managed to stammer out.
“As I was saying.” Mr. Delgado cleared his throat, the whole class shutting up. “I hope you didn’t waste your holidays lounging around like lazy slugs. Your exam papers have spoken for themselves, and it’s clear that many of you have a long way to go, especially since…” He paused, adjusting his glasses. “In three months’ time, you will have the esteemed opportunity to audition for the annual Pantheon Symphony. But this year will be different. I assume many of you have heard the rumors.”
Gasps rippled through the classroom while my eyes doubled in size, my mouth hanging open.
“That’s correct. This year, Pantheon is resurrecting the Great Winter Symphony for Christmas, after ten years of silence, in the newly renovated Opera House.”
I remained muted. The rumors were true. The opera would be renovated. The Winter Symphony would be back this year.
“Needless to say,” Mr. Delgado continued, his tone dripping with disdain. “Only the best students between the first, second, and third years will stand a chance of being selected. I must warn you, it’s unlikely for a first year to be selected. This year’s composer will be none other than Jared Kravinsk. He will be judging your auditions alongside myself and Mrs. Delacroix at the opera house, to put you in condition.”
After a decade of silence, we would be the first to set foot inside the old opera house.
My heart pounded so hard I felt it might burst from my chest while Gunther reached for his inhaler, struggling to catch his breath. “Jared Kravinsk is the Vivaldi of our generation. He’s the epitome of baroque composition.”
I smiled as Mr. Delgado listed the names of the greatest musicians of our time who would attempt the concerto alongside the upcoming chosen students. We all had the same stars dancing in our eyes, goose bumps prickling our skin, and adrenaline coursing through our veins.
Mom, Lucie, I can’t fail you.
Mr. Delgado prowled down each row, his presence casting a shadow over us like a looming storm cloud. “I only see one or maybe two of you with the potential to make it,” he declared, his gaze fixed on Gunther as he flicked each exam paper on our respective tables.
“If you’re selected, it’d be the greatest honor one can achieve, and it will provide you with invaluable experience.” He paused, his eyes flicking over each of us in turn. “And points will be awarded to your respective house. For the audition, you’ll have to compose or interpret a baroque piece. But make no mistake, this audition will separate the wheat from the chaff.”
I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life.
My heart raced like a staccato beat, each thud echoing the electrifying anticipation. I had to bury the memories of those terrorists once and for all with my music. I had to beat them. Be stronger than fear. I can do this .
“I got 79 percent?” Gunther scowled at his paper. For him, anything below ninety was considered a disaster.
“You’re a technically gifted musician, but you fear experimenting. Be bolder,” Mr. Delgado remarked, slamming my paper on my desk.
I squinted my eyes, slowly lifting my paper, silently pleading for a decent score. Please. Please. Please. I had challenged Mr. Delgado’s patience by participating as much as possible and accepting all the extra assignments. Let it not be all for nothing.
“Ninety!” I exclaimed, my eyes widening in disbelief. Even Gunther glanced at my paper, astonished. I had the best grade in the entire class.
“Looks like even mediocrity can be challenged with hard work,” Mr. Delgado concluded as he finished distributing the grades. “Now, don’t get overly excited, a miracle won’t happen twice, in case you were thinking about auditioning.”
“I have to disagree, sir. I’ll show you what I’m capable of,” I promised with a beam.
I had a dream that would transcend the boundary between life and death, and I’d stop at nothing until I succeeded.