15. Alex
15
ALEX
A fter Nora leaves, I finish cleaning up and take a quick shower to rinse off the chlorine. Tonight was certainly…interesting. I saw a whole new side of Nora, much different from the calm, confident, competent woman I’m used to. The Nora who was stranded in the dark was…okay, so she was a little bit of a scaredy-cat.
But I didn’t mind. Not really. I think there’s a part of me that was happy that she needed me—and not just for my kitchen. My chest expands at the memory of her reaching for my hand, even after I landed on top of her. She trusted me to keep her safe, and it felt good to be there for someone, especially for her.
It's been years since the last time I felt truly needed. It’s not that my family excludes me. If anything, they go out of their way to make sure I’m included. But I know deep down that even if I might be wanted, I’m not necessary. My siblings both have spouses, children, and best friends who need them and vice versa. I’m just the goofy little brother, the fun uncle who’s nice to have at gatherings because I bring the party. But how often am I listed as someone’s emergency contact? Never, as far as I know.
Not that I think I’m somehow indispensable to Nora now like she can’t function without me. She’s smart and independent, and I really believe that in a truly perilous situation, she would rise to the occasion. She did smack me pretty good when I startled her. But I’m glad she felt comfortable leaning on me in the dark.
I slide between the sheets and snag my phone from my nightstand to shoot her a text.
Make it home alright? No power outage (or intruders) at your place?
It’s only after I hit send that I realize it’s almost midnight. I must have taken longer than I thought to shower with all my navel-gazing. Who coined that phrase anyway? I’m just glad no one can hear my thoughts and wonder if I was literally looking at my belly button in the shower. Because that would be weird.
Got home just fine and stop talking about intruders! You’re going to give me nightmares.
I grin and roll my eyes at her dramatic response.
Sorry! I hope you have sweet dreams of ducklings and kittens romping in a field of wildflowers.
That’s a strange visual, but sounds surprisingly delightful. Goodnight, Alex.
Goodnight, doll.
I’m already looking forward to seeing her again, even if I’m also feeling a little nervous about how quickly she has worked her way into my thoughts. I get why people use the expression “falling” in love. A few years ago, shortly after I broke up with my ex-fiancée, I went sky-diving, hoping to feel something other than sadness, guilt, and anger. Getting to know Nora feels like jumping out of that plane – rocketing toward the unknown while having the time of your life. It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the exact same time.
The question is, what am I going to do about it? Am I ready to stop skirting the edges of flirtation and try to make a move? It would be my first attempt to move forward with another woman and I don’t know if I’m ready. What if I make a mess of things like I did last time? What if I haven’t learned from my mistakes? What if my deepest fears—about her or about me—turn out to be a reality?