Chapter 5
Chapter
Five
Jasper’s head throbbed. He gritted his teeth, trying not to sag as he sat on a stool in the bakery, mixing ingredients in a large bowl.
His sister Ordelia hummed as she stirred a stew in a cauldron. Meanwhile his youngest brother, Trent, washed dishes. Lachlan and Kit, his brother and his brother’s partner, pressed pastry into tins.
Leo strode into the back area of the bakery. He’d been serving out front. “That arrogant phoenix came in again!”
Jasper straightened. “Did he?”
“He ordered two pies! Again.” Leo came over and stood next to Jasper.
“Oh.” Jasper tried to sound interested. He could feel his twin staring.
“He must really like your pies.” Trent wiped his hands on his apron.
“But he pretends he doesn’t! He called me a passable baker.” Leo scoffed. “What a prick!”
Jasper laughed or tried to. He’d only been working in the bakery for a couple of hours, but already he struggled to keep going. He swallowed and rolled his tight shoulders.
He didn’t have to work as much as he did. His siblings had been clear that he should take time off as needed. But he hated feeling useless. And if he wasn’t here, he’d just be in the forest. And even though he felt better in the forest, walking for hours still took a lot of energy.
Leo kept staring at him.
Jasper racked his brain, trying to think of what sort of things he’d used to say in response to his twin. “He definitely sounds like he has a broomstick up his arse.”
Leo chortled. “He definitely does! And how are you doing?” he asked, voice softening.
“Fine.” Jasper shoved down the flare of annoyance at the question and the gentleness in Leo’s tone. These days, Leo always treated Jasper like a fucking child.
He’s just worried. It’s just because he loves you. Don’t be angry.
But Jasper was so fucking tired of the constant worry and concern. Of Leo watching and staring at him every minute of every bloody day.
He understood it. But he just couldn’t deal with it. He wished he could get better for his brother. He wished he could be his old self. But he wasn’t that witch anymore.
And he couldn’t talk to Leo about what was going on. He couldn’t put into words the constant ache, yearning, and need. He couldn’t understand it himself, so how could he explain it?
So now his twin just worried constantly, like the rest of his family.
But really, what could he say? Since my injury, I feel like a part of me is missing. But don’t worry. I know it’s in the forest. I just have to find it.
Early on, he had tried to explain it to Leo. He really had. But Leo’s frowns and suggestions of calling the healer back or getting a new healer showed he didn’t understand. And it just pissed Jasper off that Leo didn’t get him when Jasper really needed him to.
Leo had always understood him. Jasper didn’t know what to do when he didn’t.
So now Leo hovered, treated him with kid gloves, and asked him how he was doing constantly. Jasper fucking hated it.
“I’ll head over to the Christmas markets in a little bit. Grady will already be there setting up the stall.” Leo hesitated. “I assume you aren’t coming today?”
“I’ll go upstairs to rest,” Jasper lied. He would go to the forest. He would search for the missing part of himself that he was pretty sure was there.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Kali, who’d been resting by Jasper’s feet, lifted her head.
“Look! The raven is back!” Leo let out a laugh.
Everyone in the bakery turned. A big black raven stood on the windowsill. Leo had seen the raven in the alley behind the bakery the day before and fed it.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Its black beak rapped against the glass.
“Clever bird is back for more food.” Leo grabbed some seed and went out to feed it once again. Kali lowered her head and returned to dozing.
Jasper turned his attention back to the shortbread cookies he was making. When they were ready, he took them over to the oven.
Jasper put them in the oven and closed the door. “I’m going to go upstairs. Can you take out these cookies when they are done?” he asked Trent.
Trent nodded. “Of course. And I’ll bring up your elothea tea tonight.”
“Thanks.” Jasper walked to the back door.
The others called out their goodbyes as he exited.
Trent had been the one to offer to get the elothea seeds for the tea the healer had prescribed Jasper after the accident.
A couple of months ago, Jasper had suggested he could go buy the elothea seeds to make his own tea.
But Trent said he enjoyed visiting the Aquatic Horticultural Emporium where he got the seeds. He said the plants were interesting.
Jasper didn’t understand how aquatic plants could be so interesting that Trent would want to go every single day to the emporium. But he had let it slide. Since the emporium wasn’t on the way to the forest, it would mean he’d have less time in there if he went and bought them himself.
And since Trent already bought the tea, it made sense for him to make the tea for Jasper too. Especially since Trent was always so keen to help out.
Jasper paused and looked through the window into the bakery. His gaze fixed on Leo. His throat tightened. He wished he didn’t need to lie to his twin. He wished he didn’t have to hold things back. He wished he could be as he had been before the accident.
But that had changed something in Jasper. And it had created a rift between them.
Although Leo would head over to the Christmas markets soon, it didn’t look like he was about to leave. In fact, none of them looked like they were about to leave the bakery.
He strode down the alley, straight past the stairs leading up to the family apartment. Kali trotted along beside him, familiar with their daily routine. If anyone had come out into the back alley, he’d have gone upstairs, waited for them to leave, then headed to the forest.
His breath came faster. His heart beat rapidly. How could walking fast be so taxing on him?
Once he left the alley, he slowed and got his breath back. It was best if his family didn’t know he went to the forest almost every day. They’d just worry and ask questions he didn’t know how to answer. They particularly wouldn’t want him going out there in winter.
Thankfully, no one tended to check on him throughout the day. They all worked. But if they did come to his room, he’d just say he’d been out walking. Not in the forest. Just in the city. That way they wouldn’t worry so much. Still, the more questions he could avoid, the better.
Jasper turned down a main street. The snow fell heavier.
He pulled his coat tighter around himself.
He pressed his lips together. His body and head ached.
But he had to push through. He had to go to the forest. If he didn’t, he’d just lie in bed, feeling that unending need to return to the forest and search.
He’d be back before Trent came with his tea. Leo always stopped by sometime after to check in on him and stare at Jasper with worry in his eyes. He sighed.
He reached the city’s edge. Bare trees and shrubs replaced buildings. Slush-covered cobblestone paths turned to pristine snow.
He paused as he stared at the forest. Already he could feel the headache becoming soothed somewhat. His body felt lighter. Breathing came easier. He didn’t magically recover when he returned to the forest. But for some reason, he always felt better here.
He could manage walking a few hours before exhaustion took its toll on him. He leaned down to pat Kali. “Maybe today I’ll find what I’m looking for.”
Kali blinked up at him.
“I doubt it though. After all, I haven’t found it any other day. But I can always hope.” Then he and Kali stepped forward into the forest.