Chapter 6 Yara #3
Without a second thought, without a moment to think about it, my eyes flew open, connecting with the darkness in him and as if he knew he would win this no matter what, the bastard smirked, looking at me like a triumphant emperor would look at the poor people of the newest village he had just conquered.
And that was the problem, wasn't it?
As much as I fought against it, as much as I liked saying I was better on my own, I wanted someone to look at me as if they would burn down the world just to see me smile.
I wanted someone that would hold my hand, that would laugh at my corny jokes, and most of all, someone who would understand that I was stronger than my demons.
I didn't need flowers, nor did I need massive declarations of love.
I just needed a warm hand to wrap around my own and a pair of eyes that could be my home.
For years, I've been running away from the need to have someone just because I was too afraid of turning into my mother who couldn't function on her own.
Right now, she ignored me for the most part, but when the novelty of her newest marriage runs out and when her husband says no to one of her whims for the first time, she would turn to the old cruelty she carried only for me. And I didn't want to be her.
I didn't want to build homes in the hearts of people who could never give me what I truly needed. I didn't want to become a bitter woman who couldn't rely on herself for happiness, but could only ever be happy in an embrace of another person.
So I lied. I fought against the urge to disappear even for just a second with someone who felt like home, because I knew better.
Every single fiber of my body screamed at me that Xavier was it. He was the one who had my heart beating for the first time in forever. He was the one who calmed the storm in my soul, and that first time I saw him he felt like a calm sea after the thunderstorm.
But he had too much power over me. He already owned more of me than anyone else ever did, and I already saw what he was capable of.
How callous, how violent he could be, and it scared me.
He fucking scared me for multiple reasons, and this time I didn't want to be brave just so I could see what could happen.
This time I couldn't be reckless with my heart, because I wouldn't survive it.
I wouldn't be able to survive him.
"Did I ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are?
" Xavier asked, holding my gaze as if his life depended on it.
There was no cockiness there, nothing but a pure, raw emotion.
"They remind me of the sky just as the sun starts going down and the stars become more visible, creating the dome filled with dreams that are just waiting to be accomplished.
" His thumb ran over the side of my neck, circling, pressing against my pulse point.
My heart cracked somewhere in the middle, allowing the emotion reserved for the cruel God in front of me to slither out, and as it reached my eyes making them misty with tears I knew I had failed in trying to hide myself from him.
"You don't mean that." My voice shook. "Trust me." I smiled brokenly. "You don't mean that."
The hand on my throat tightened, forcing my face higher just as I started lowering my gaze. "You don't get to tell me how I feel, Yara," he spat out. "You don't get to hide yourself from me even when it hurts."
"You're an asshole, you know that?"
There it went again, that self-assured grin that told me he knew exactly what he was doing.
"I know, but I'm not going to apologize.
You're mine, Yara. Today, tomorrow, here in this house or outside in the world.
You. Are. Mine." I felt like I was his, but not in that romantic way people often wanted to have.
No, this was pure ownership. This was a pure possession, obsession.
"And if I tell you not to go into the pool with my friends, you better be a good girl and listen to me, or else. "
"Or else, what?" I was tired of people. Tired of everyone trying to control my life.
Tired of feeling unloved, unwanted, like something everyone just needed to take care of so that they would get to live their lives unbothered by me.
If I followed the rules, everything was perfect, but if I wasn't I would always be the one to face the consequences even if the rules were too fucking idiotic.
I could feel my face getting red as the anger surged from the center of my body, and with the strength I didn't know I possessed I pushed him away, finally getting some breathing space.
"Or else you're going to make my life miserable?
" I took a step toward him and pushed him again.
"Or else you're going to make sure that everyone treats me as if I have a disease, huh?
" His eyebrows hit his forehead, those lips I wanted to bite and also never touch again, parted.
"Or else you're going to tell me how fucking unwanted I am!
" I was screaming now, but I didn't care who heard me.
I didn't deserve this, none of this.
I deserved better than him, better than my parents, better than what life had thrown my way.
"Don't fucking threaten me, Xavier," I spat out, pointing at him with my index finger.
"You think you're the only one who could play a game, huh?
Well think again, stepbrother," I mocked, "because two could play this game and I am not some damsel in distress who would roll on her back while you grace me with hit after hit.
" My feet closed the distance between us as my hand wrapped around his throat, pressing harder than was necessary, but he deserved it.
He deserved worse than my hand around his throat.
He deserved to feel the acid in his stomach just as I did ever since I met him.
"You don't get to tell me what to do, Xavier.
" I chuckled darkly. "You don't get to choke me, belittle me, make me feel bad only to turn around and pretend that you want me.
You don't get to sneak inside my room just to feed your sick obsession and your sick game, thinking you own a part of me just because I came for you.
Newsflash my dearest stepbrother—" I went up on my tiptoes, my lips brushing against his earlobe, "—anyone could make me come. You're nothing special."
His hand suddenly wrapped around my bicep, squeezing until I winced, and just as he put more pressure on my arm I applied more pressure on his throat. Moving my head back I looked up into his eyes, seeing the torment swirling there, threatening to consume us both.
"I could fuck whoever I wanted to," I whispered against his lips. "I would love whoever I want to, Xavier, and there's nothing you could do to stop me."
I needed to get away from him, fast. I needed to get out of this place even if it is just for one night.
A part of me had thought that maybe St. Bipal's would be a new start, a place to mend my broken pieces even if I didn't want to be here. But I was wrong—again.
I let go of him at the same time as he squeezed harder, refusing to let me go.
"You don't get to touch me like you own me, Xavier," I bit out, putting my hand over his and slowly unwrapping his fingers from me.
It was like trying to remove an octopus from its victim and I refused to be Xavier's victim.
"It would do you well to remember that."
His thumb was the last one to go and the moment his hand was no longer on my body, I stepped back, putting some distance between us.
"Yara," he grumbled, but whatever he wanted to say he could save it for someone who actually cared to hear lies and more lies. I didn't.
I shook my head, fucking hating the tormented look on his face or the way his eyes shuddered as I kept on putting the distance between us, but this was for the best. Maybe if I succeeded in removing myself from his orbit, he would stop chasing me.
I started running from him, all the way to the house, completely ignoring the shouts coming from the pool and Ryder's concerned voice trailing me. I ran to my room, locking the doors behind me, but even then I didn't feel safe.
Even behind the locked doors I knew I had left my heart somewhere out there, with the boy who would only break it.