Chapter 8 Yara #2
I have never seen him like this. Yes, he seemed pissed off a couple of times, maybe even ragey, but nothing like this.
His chest rose and fell rapidly, his nostrils flared, and that twitch in his jaw only seemed to intensify with each passing second.
He seemed genuine, his words sounded truthful, but this was a complete change from the man who wanted nothing to do with me to the one who suddenly apparently wanted to take me out on a date.
"Xavier," I said carefully, "you don't have to lie to me. I'm not going to cry or be heartbroken because your friend couldn't make it. I will talk to him and—"
His lips crushed against mine—consuming, shutting me up, his tongue battling against my own. This wasn't one of those sweet kisses you would see in the movies. This wasn't a kiss that would leave you with just a few tingles.
No, this kiss shattered my soul and healed it at the same time. This kiss was a sign of ownership, possession, and as Xavier devoured my mouth, I forgot where we were. I forgot who he was and everything that has happened in the last couple of weeks.
My hands let go of my bag, traveling over his chest all the way to his neck, wrapping around the back of it while my fingers ran over the short hair at his nape.
His hand wrapped around my ponytail, keeping me in place as if he was afraid I would run away, while the other one carefully went to the side of my neck, his thumb pressed into my jawline.
The sound of a door opening somewhere in the distance made me push against him, separating us immediately. His lips were swollen, his pupils dilated, and I could only imagine what I looked like.
"If that doesn't answer your question on what I'm doing here, then I don't know what would."
I... I was in shock. I was in denial.
But I didn't miss the bulge pressing against me, or the way his eyes kept on devouring me, his need mixed with anger.
"Get in, Yara. I'm not gonna tell you twice."
So I did. Against better judgment, I got inside the black car whose brand I didn't recognize, and instead of walking to the other side, he held my door open, buckling me in before he moved back, letting me soak in the leathery seats and his scent filling my nostrils.
What the fuck did I just get myself into?
It was a curse—feeling nothing and everything at the same time.
People often told me I was as cold as the snow covering the Harren Mountains in the North, but none of them knew that I had no idea what to do with the storm brewing in my stomach.
They had no idea that most days my ribs crushed into my heart, making an already small chamber where it ticked even tighter.
They had no idea that my nose burned with the unshed tears I was never allowed to show.
The tears I trained myself to pull back, because showing any type of weakness was something I had no idea how to do.
Right now... Right now I wished I could feel nothing at all as my eyes dragged over the shape of the boy—no, a man, sitting behind the wheel, driving us to the race I myself have requested to go to.
Just not with him.
Just not with one guy who made me feel everything all at once.
My heart didn't stop thundering since I saw him, and I had a feeling that with every passing second it only increased its pace, threatening to jump out of my chest. Wouldn't it be ironic, though, dying because I had no idea how to regulate my emotions for the first time in my life.
I had no idea what to make out of him. I had no idea how to behave, what to say, what to do because he kept on surprising me at every turn.
Xavier Thornton was nothing like I'd imagined him to be, but he was everything I needed.
There was a soul deep ache in me. This craving I could never satiate, until him. Until this mess of a man waltzed into my life, burning me with the darkness shining in his eyes, and instead of running away, I stepped forward. I wanted it. I needed it.
My mind, my soul, my entire body—they were always attracted to the macabre, to the darkness, to those corners of the human soul no one ever wanted to touch.
And I did. I had no idea what it was that pulled me to him, but right now I wished it would stop existing.
Right now, I wished I was stronger, braver, maybe even smarter, because a smart person would have never gotten inside his car no matter what.
I told myself I was afraid of what he would do to me, but deep down I knew that Xavier would never hurt me, no matter what. Not me.
All those hateful words, all those heated glances, they weren't directed at me because he hated me.
They were reserved only for me because he too had no idea what to do with this connection we shared.
I was not the one to believe in soulmates, but what else would this be if not the soulmate connection some spend decades searching for.
And I had it here. Right in front of me.
I just wasn't sure I wanted it.
His nostrils flared just as his fingers flexed on the steering wheel he so expertly maneuvered, and I never thought I would feel attracted to the way someone drove a car.
But he did it so effortlessly, so relaxed, as if the world was his and nothing and no one would ever be able to take it away from him.
I could almost see him, ten years into the future, the king of the fucking world, conquering without a care in mind.
Another image popped in my head just as I imagined him with a few grey hairs. It was an image of me, standing right next to him, smiling as if I had nothing to worry about.
But I had everything to worry about.
That future, that image, it was just a fantasy of a silly little girl who still wished someone would come to save her.
No one was coming to save me, not anymore.
No one cared about me more than I could ever care about myself, and before I got lost in this fantasy with Xavier, I had to get myself as far away from him as possible. Nothing good could come from this.
My hand went up to my chest, rubbing against the center of my body as the organ I blamed on this entire mess started throbbing, aching the moment I thought of getting away from him.
But I couldn't let my heart make decisions for me.
I couldn't let my emotions rule the way I lived my life.
If I did I would be just like her. I would be just like my mother, ready to drop it all for the first man who showed me just a little bit of love, even if that love was the toxic kind that could get me killed.
"I still think you should take me home," I said, ignoring the fact that my heart suddenly climbed into my throat, making my voice raspier than before. "This isn't—"
"No," he spat out, not once taking his eyes off the road. I pulled back, looking at the side of his face and that tick in his cheek, as if he was holding himself back.
That would be a first.
"What do you mean no?" Did I want to go to the race? Yeah, absolutely. But not with him.
The only reason I asked Ryder was because I knew he was safe. He was someone who looked at me with kindness, and not once did I see him looking at me in any other way. He also didn't seem to be attracted to me, which was a massive plus.
Ryder didn't make my heart hammer. He didn't make my mouth dry. He was safe, to put it bluntly.
This one... There was nothing safe with Xavier, at least not for me.
"Xavier? Take me back h—"
The screeching of the brakes was my only warning before we stopped abruptly on the side of the road. If it wasn't for the seatbelt I would've gone right through the windshield and onto the road itself.
"What the—" A warm hand wrapped around my jaw, turning my face back to him, and one look into his eyes told me I had once again put my foot into my mouth, pissing him off even more.
He reminded me of a bull, ready to fight for his life. Those dark eyes blazed with a fire I have never seen before, and like a moth attracted to the flame, ignoring the outcome, I leaned closer just as his thumb brushed over my cheek. I forgot who he was, who I fucking was. I forgot everything.
His scent swirled through my nostrils, entering my bloodstream, intoxicating me until I had no idea where I stopped and where he began.
My lips parted, silently begging for his touch, for more of whatever this was between us.
His touch was all it took for me to forget who we were and why all of this was a bad idea.
One fucking touch was all it took for me to ignore all the warning bells chiming in the back of my mind, because I wanted him.
God, I fucking wanted him. Fuck the consequences.
Fuck the society and their opinion.
Fuck this town and their upturned noses.
Fuck my mother, my father, everyone who has ever made me feel unloved, unwanted, because this, right here, made all of that disappear.
He looked at me as if I was the best damn thing he had ever seen. He looked at me as if I was his salvation, but also damnation, and I understood that feeling completely, because I knew that this fire between us could only consume me, but could never heal me.
Still, I wanted to burn. I wanted to burn with him, even if it would be for only one night.
I wanted to feel loved, wanted, cherished, and on days when he wasn't hating me, Xavier managed to make me feel all those things. He made me feel as if I was the air he needed to breathe. As if I was the only sustenance he would ever need.
"The first time I saw you," he started, "I fucking hated you.
I hated your eyes. I hated your little smile.
I hated you so much that I wanted to break you right in front of them, in front of our parents.
" I gulped, my eyes filling with tears. "But the truth is, I hated the way you made me feel.
I hated the way you looked at me as if you could see right into my soul.
I fucking hated the fact that you were the first person who made me feel something after my mother had died, and you needed to suffer for that.
I needed you as far away from me, but I also couldn't stop myself from craving you. From fucking needing you."
"Xavier," I whimpered. "What... What are you talking about?"
"I was always there, Yara, even when you couldn't see me. I was always just a few steps behind you, because I couldn't get you out of my goddamn mind." He looked angry, but also so resigned and I had no idea what to think. What to feel.
His seatbelt clicked, and before my mind could catch up with what was happening, I was out of my seat and on top of his lap, facing him. His words, as fucked up as they were, weren't meant to harm me. They weren't meant to destroy what little of my heart was left.
"Did you really think I would ever allow you to go out with another man?
" He smirked. The motherfucker smirked and all the warm and fuzzy feelings snapped out of me in a second.
"Did you really think—" he wrapped his hand around my throat, "—that I would ever let them touch what's mine?
" He tightened his hold on me, but instead of pain I found it was a pleasure coursing through my bloodstream, hitting me right in my core.
Xavier pulled me down, until our lips hovered close, until his breath washed over my face as those eyes seared into mine.
"You belong to me, Yara," he whispered. "And I—" his teeth bit into my lower lip, pulling out a shocked gasp out of me, "—I belong to you, my darling stepsister. "
My lips parted, my breathing quickened, but before I could utter a word. Before I could even wrap my mind around the words tumbling over his lips, he had me deposited back into my seat, buckling me in as if he didn't just fuck up my entire world with just a few sentences.
His car rumbled back to life as he turned on ignition, while I tried to deny what he said. I tried ignoring it, but I knew it would be futile trying to fight this.
We didn't speak another word until we reached what looked like the gathering place, and as I looked down, I realized that he kept my hand tightly in his the entire drive over.