Chapter 9 Yara #2
Terrified. I was fucking terrified of my own heart because it was no longer with me.
It was right there, a few feet away from me in the hands of the man I shouldn't love.
I shouldn't be feeling like this, as if a gaping hole existed in the center of my chest, just because I wasn't next to him.
And when the girl I knew from school approached him, caressing his arm, I should have looked away.
I should have pretended it didn't bother me, but it fucking did.
A thousand knives sliced through my lungs as she wrapped her hands around his bicep, looking at him as if he was the sun.
Cassie.
Her name was Cassie, and as much as I hated it, I knew she was the one he should be with.
Not me.
Not a poor little stepsister he probably hated most of the time.
"Do you want to get out of here?" Violet asked, slowly stepping away from me. "We can go to the—"
"No," I cut her off. "I wanted to watch the race, so—" I shrugged, "—I'm gonna watch it." Besides, I didn't want to run.
I didn't want them to think that he mattered to me that much. It was enough that I knew how much this hurt, but they didn't get the privilege of watching me break. Especially because I knew that they couldn't wait to see the drama unfold.
Living in this town taught me one thing—the moment you showed them weakness, the moment you decided to roll on your back and let them punch you as many times as they wanted to, was the moment you became their bitch.
And I was no one's bitch.
"Are you sure?" Violet asked, turning to look at Xavier. "I don't want you to get hurt." I wanted to cry, to scream, to march over to him and rip Cassie's hands off, especially since she was already smirking in my direction as if to tell me that she had won. "And this is going to hurt."
"I'm fine." I smiled, lying through my teeth. "Xavier only drove me here because Ryder ditched me, and we both know that Xavier loves nothing more but to see me suffer." Violet winced as if she too knew I was full of shit.
All of them saw that little display in his car, but I wanted to pretend they didn't.
Maybe it was time for me to move on from him and this toxic shit we found ourselves in. He might hate me today, he might get pissed off, but he would get over it. He would get over me and everything he had said earlier.
"If you're sure," she said hesitantly. "We can go over there. Ryder arrived a while ago and it seems Rhett will be competing today. The girls are fighting amongst themselves because he wants someone to ride with him today," she laughed, but she had no idea she gave me an out from this entire thing.
I felt Xavier's eyes on my back as we walked away. I felt them even as we walked toward Ryder who somehow both appeared apologetic and sheepish as we approached him. I felt the burning on my neck as Rhett walked toward us, grinning from ear to ear when he saw me.
I didn't miss the look he threw over my shoulder, and I already knew who the recipient of that look was.
I knew what I had to do, even if my entire body screamed at me not to do it.
But Xavier would never let me go if I didn't do something drastic, and the worst thing I could do was going with one of his friends.
Friends, he warned me against.
Ryder, Caleb and Ezra would never accept my offer, but Rhett.
.. Rhett would do anything to rile up Xavier.
I recognized it during all those parties where I was an unwilling participant.
I noticed the way he looked at me as well, and while it made me sick to my stomach, I also knew he would do anything to one up Xavier.
"So." I smiled widely, trying to ignore the man who was with another girl right now, and walked closer to Rhett. "I hear you're looking for a girl to join you for the race."
"Yara," Ryder warned from my right, but I ignored him as well.
I ignored all of them, focusing solely on Rhett and the way his eyes dragged over my body, undressing me in his mind.
I didn't have to be a mind reader to know what this guy wanted, but unlike all the other times, today I chose to play right into it.
"You're going to create a mess, Yara," Ryder said as I stopped right in front of Rhett who was yet to say a single thing.
I looked over my shoulder at Ryder. Gone was the smirk he wore.
Gone was the playfulness in his eyes, and in its place was something that should've concerned me.
Something I should've taken into consideration, but I was too far gone in this game to back away now.
I was determined to get Xavier off my back.
"What is it to you?" I asked and turned back to Rhett, whose hand started dragging over my arm, going all the way to my shoulder. "So," I murmured, "can I ride with you?"
"Babe." he grinned, lowering his head to my ear. "It'll be the best ride of your entire life."
I shivered the moment his lips touched the shell of my ear, fighting the repulsion in me at the mere proximity of this man, but I had to do this. There was no other way.
Rhett's hand snuck down my arm, all the way to my hand, taking a hold of it before he started dragging me toward his car. My heart rebelled against my actions, but as if they had a mind of their own, my feet kept on moving, my smile stayed in place, until I heard it.
The shouting.
The sudden crash somewhere behind me.
The desperation in the voice that managed to reach into the deepest, darkest parts of me.
"Yara!" I closed my eyes as Xavier's voice washed over me, trying to stop the trembling in my limbs as Rhett opened the doors of his car. "No! Let me go!"
I stopped myself just as I was about to get inside the car, and turned around, seeing for the first time what was happening.
Xavier was being held by Ryder and Caleb, red in his face, breathing like a bull ready to attack. But it wasn't the anger that was seeping off him. It wasn't the usual malice I used to be met with.
His eyes were desperate, begging me without words. His lips parted, and even from this distance I could see that they were struggling holding him in.
Don't, he mouthed at me. Please.
Xavier never begged. Not once did he look like this, like he was about to break. Like he was losing something he truly held dear.
The first tear rolled down my cheek as Rhett closed his doors. "Are you coming, babe?"
"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking at Xavier, hoping he would one day understand why I decided to go with somebody else. Why I ditched him the moment we came here. Why my fear was stronger than my resolve to be with him.
His eyes hardened, and as he straightened, shaking off Ryder and Caleb, he simply nodded at me, putting back that mask I was familiar with. The mask reserved for me.
The mask of a man that wanted nothing to do with me.
"Drivers!" Somebody shouted, pulling my attention away from Xavier. "Go to your marks!" I looked back to where Xavier stood, but he was no longer there. Neither were Ryder or Caleb, and it took me just a second to see him walking toward his car.
Walking away from me.
"Yara!" Rhett yelled out. "Are you fucking coming in or out. I don't have time to waste."
I sat in, closing the doors behind me, ignoring the man in the driver's seat and focusing on the crowd moving to the sides as several different cars rolled toward the starting line, where the girl I have never seen before stood, holding one of those checkered black and white flags.
But she wasn't what made my hands tremble as I buckled myself in. No.
It was the black car I came in that started rolling toward the finish line, slowly stopping on my right side.
"Would you look at that." Rhett snickered, but I couldn't look at him.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't think.
"The golden boy finally decided to join us."
My eyes were plastered on him, on his profile as the sound of his car rumbled around us, going through me. Rhett pressed on the gas, doing the same, creating that motherfucking sound that made me sick to my stomach.
Xavier looked over at us and if looks could kill, Rhett would be dead.
He wasn't looking at me. I had a feeling he wasn't even seeing me.
I would've hoped he was pissed off at me, if it wasn't for one last glance he threw my way just as the girl holding that flag started counting over the microphone she had in her hand.
There it was, what I was trying to run away from.
The hope in his eyes.
The longing.
The need I felt as if it was my own.
"Three!"
And we went off.