Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Age 11
Mocking laughter invaded my eardrums as I rushed down the packed hall, keeping my head down.
Maybe if I didn’t look at them, everyone would forget I was there. Maybe they would forget what they saw.
I spotted my friend Marie in the classroom, whispering something into Eve’s ear. As soon as she saw me, she pulled away and gave me a wavering smile.
“Hey,” I greeted them, pretending I didn’t know all eyes were on me. Pretending I couldn’t hear the hushed whispers.
“Um, hi,” Marie said nervously, looking around awkwardly.
A quick glance at the clock told me Mrs. Jada wouldn’t be here for another few minutes, so I busied myself taking out my notebook and colored pencils. I wrote down the date in fancy lettering—an attempt at making myself look busy and unbothered. But pretending I couldn’t hear them didn’t make the whispers stop.
“It was like she wet the bed but more gross.”
“She’s so embarrassing.”
“I watched that video, like, ten times, and somehow it kept getting worse.”
“I can’t believe it’s all over the internet. It’s crazy.”
An uncomfortable, heavy weight settled in the middle of my chest and didn’t let me breathe. As I doodled, pretending nothing was wrong, I angrily wondered why me.
Why did I have to be the butt of the joke?
Why did I have to be strong, pretend I was fine, while everyone laughed at me?
What did I ever do wrong to deserve this?
Mrs. Jada entered the classroom as my eyes started watering. She shushed everyone, stealing a quick glance at me that told me she knew what was going on. But I didn’t feel judged by her or laughed at. Never by Mrs. Jada.
“I hope you’re done wasting precious geometry time, or I’ll have to send home some extra homework today,” she started, her voice leaving no room for arguments.
My classmates groaned, and the whispers died down. A couple of boys and a girl stole quick glances back at me, as if they couldn’t get the images of my period stains all over my bed off their brains. Because my mother thought it was necessary to tell—and show—the world about my first period. And even though the video eventually got taken down, it didn’t make much of a difference.
In a way, I couldn’t blame them.
For the next twenty minutes, I drowned myself in the logical and mechanical ways of geometry. Math was my favorite subject, always had been. No emotions were needed, and if I disconnected my brain for a mere second, I would fail. Math kept my mind busy and quiet in a way nothing else did. It challenged me, gave me a sense of purpose—even if that purpose was only to get good grades.
“Can anyone tell me what the area of the triangle on the screen is?” Mrs. Jada asked.
I lowered my head to my notebook, doing a quick calculation. When I was done, I raised my hand. “It should be twenty.”
Mrs. Jada gave me an approving smile. “That’s correct.”
I beamed, finding my first spark of happiness today. Until Keith two rows in front of me extinguished it again.
“Well done, Bloody Allie.”
The weight in my chest dragged me down, down, down .
Everyone snickered around me, glancing my way with mirth in their eyes that felt like a personal attack. It was .
Mrs. Jada wasn’t amused. “See yourself out to the principal’s office, Keith.”
“But—”
“Do as you’re told and stop wasting any more of our time.”
A few of his friends laughed at his demise, but it didn’t make me feel better.
Bloody Allie.
I knew the nickname would follow me forever, no matter how much I tried to hide from the consequences of my mother’s choices.