Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
I wake up with a start.
My first thought is that someone is inside my apartment. But after a moment, my eyes adjust to the darkness, and I can’t see any shadows or hear any sounds.
One quick glance at the clock on my nightstand tells me it’s past six in the morning. My head pounds despite having had only one drink last night, and my body feels like someone beat me up in my sleep. I already know it’s going to be a long day.
I rub my eyes with the heel of my palms and stay quiet, double- and triple-checking that nobody is inside my apartment. When it becomes obvious that I’m simply paranoid, I put on my running gear, desperate for some fresh air.
Twenty minutes later, I still feel that familiar anxiety clawing at my chest despite the cold breeze hitting my face. I didn’t sleep well, that’s all . Nothing’s wrong.
In an effort to calm myself down, I take in Bannport’s breathtaking lakeside as I run. With its green rolling hills looming in the distance, every corner of this small town looks like one of those paintings you see at an exhibition and wish you could live inside of.
Bannport Lake sits in all its blue-gray glory, the surface undisturbed by boats or animals. The trees around the shore are eerily still, too, without the wind to sway them. No matter how often I take in this view on my way to work, its beauty never ceases to make something in my chest come alive.
Once I’ve calmed down enough, I make my way back to my apartment building. I’m fiddling with my keys when my phone goes off inside my jacket. In the time it takes me to open the door, get inside, and lock it, it doesn’t stop ringing.
I can’t explain why, but the second I see Jada’s caller ID on the screen, I know something is wrong. Very wrong.
“Hi,” I answer quietly. “Everything okay?”
“You didn’t read my text?”
“You texted me this morning?”
“Look at it, please.”
The urgency in her voice makes my heart pound too fast. Putting her on speaker, I quickly find the text app and click on the links she sent me while I was out running.
A man tried to abduct a young girl in her own home yesterday. Fingers are pointing at the child’s mother, who shared pictures of their front porch with her 300K+ followers just hours before it happened.
Investigative journalist George Eden speaks out on child abduction case and social media: “Something similar happened years ago with Allison Buccieri. The internet never learns.”
No.
No.
This is a nightmare. Only a nightmare.
It can’t be anything else.
But I blink, and the articles are still there. Still real.
Still talking about me.
Buccieri .
I haven’t heard, seen, or spoken my last name in six years.
Changing it to Smith was a no-brainer, considering how many Allison Smiths there were in the world. But I should’ve known fleeing Los Angeles didn’t mean I’d also flee society’s memory. This George Eden guy certainly hasn’t forgotten about me.
“Are you still there?” Jada’s voice breaks through the fog in my brain.
My hands shake as I hold my phone tighter. “Y-Yes.”
I scan the article for more information about me when I come across a quote that empties out my lungs.
“I would love to interview Allison Buccieri,” declared Eden on his show. “The way she vanished off the face of the earth can’t be coincidental. I think her sharing her experience would give people a much-needed wake-up call when it comes to showcasing children’s lives on social media.”
When I spot an old picture of me with the long blonde hair I’ll never have again, I close the tab.
“Stay with me. Take a deep breath,” Jada instructs. I do as she says, but I don’t feel any better. “I scanned the internet this morning and saw nothing else about you, okay? This is all there is for now. I’m only telling you because you asked for updates if there ever were any.”
I did, and I don’t regret it. If people are talking about me, that means I could be in danger. Knowing what’s being said can help me take control of the situation and prepare for different outcomes.
“Jada…” I start, but I have to stop to take a deep breath. “W-What if they find me?”
“Doxing is a crime,” she reminds me. “Nobody will reveal your location. Not that they have any way to find you in the first place.”
I should’ve left Bannport when I had the chance. What if it’s too late now?
As if she could read my mind, Jada says, “Don’t run away, Allie. Not again.” There’s a frustrated edge to her voice I haven’t heard in a long time. “If you leave, you let your parents win. They don’t deserve to have control over your independent adult life after everything they put you through.”
At this point, my entire body is shaking so hard, I have to lower myself to the floor and sit down. “Jada…”
“No, Allie. No . I love you, and every time you run away, you hurt yourself a little more. Tell me I’m wrong.”
I can’t.
I can’t tell her that because we both know she isn’t.
“People have talked about you and your family before, remember? When…when the warehouse happened, and then after you stopped appearing on their social media. Nothing happened then, and nothing will happen now. They’ll move on soon. It’s natural for people to bring up your name when something so similar happens, but you’re not in danger again.”
Jada has always been my voice of reason, a life raft I can cling to when the tides threaten to drown me. She was there for me at my worst, as my teacher and as the only responsible adult in my life. I owe her everything, and I know she’s right about this. But anxiety knows no reason, no boundaries, and so I keep spiraling.
“Why are you running away, Allie? What’s the point?”
My eyes fall on my running shoes, and a shaky laugh escapes me at the irony of it all. No matter how fast I try to get away, my thoughts and memories are always there, ready to punish me.
“I just wanted to get away,” I mutter. “From my family, my past, everything.”
“I get that, and I don’t blame you for it,” she says. “But why do you keep doing it?”
It hurts to swallow. “I’m not running away now.”
“But you’re thinking about it.”
“It’s just…” I let out another shaky breath, pulling my knees against my chest. “I just want to live a calm, happy life, away from everything. I don’t want to get caught up in drama. I just want to be left alone, Jada, and this media attention could ruin that.”
“Oh, honey. You deserve a calm, happy life more than anyone else I know. And you will get it. But sometimes we need to be a bit brave in order to get what we want. You should take this article as a wake-up call and start living your life unafraid of the future,” she says. “Worrying and running away won’t fix anything. You’ve been doing that since you left California, and it didn’t change this outcome. It won’t stop people from talking about your case. So you might as well start living that calm, happy life now, Allie. Live your life for you .”
“I don’t know how to do that,” I confess quietly.
“And that’s okay, but it’s time to figure it out. Step-by-step.”
Living without fear. I must have done it at one point, but I don’t remember what it feels like anymore.
Not after the warehouse.