Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
LINCOLN
THE ONLY SOUND COMES FROM the water dripping in the bathroom sink. I let it drip, even though I could reach over and turn the handle. It makes me feel less alone and keeps me half distracted, which is a godsend.
“You might have to let the job go.” Graham’s words from last night sweep through me again, and just like they do every time, strike me hard. They needle my brain, sear my heart, gnaw at my soul. Letting this go is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I button my shirt, and before I get to the top, grip the edge of the sink and bow my head. This isn’t normal. Even the two other times in my life I’ve thought maybe I was in love, it didn’t hurt like this. It didn’t feel like my entire soul had been yanked out of my body.
I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. Not without her.
Yeah, I’ll smile again at some point and I’ll laugh at stupid jokes.
I’ll even regain my status as the best centerfielder in baseball, but even that seems so unimportant.
Who will be home after the game? Who is going to ask about my shoulder and not about my statistics? Who will be my friend?
That’s the thing: I’ve lost my friend before anything else.
Everything falls. My spirits. My heart. My shoulders. I’m falling into some dark abyss, and I can’t find a ladder to pull myself up. I’m going into the biggest slump of my life and it’s the post season. The one that really matters.
If I take this trade, I show up in San Diego in just a few days.
I’m property of the Sails as soon as the ink dries and I’m expected to pack a bag and head out.
It’s what we do as athletes. We go where the money is.
Where our careers lead us. Where we can work for as long as we can.
The idea started floating around my brain last night.
What if I don’t want to go where the money is?
What if I’m tired of chasing a batting title?
What if living half the year in a hotel doesn’t seem like a good time?
What if I break her father in half ?
My jaw clenches, my teeth grinding together as I realize I haven’t figured out how to deal with this little issue. I’ll see him every day in a work capacity. I’ll get to know him. He’ll control my future. All the while, I will know who he truly is. Can I do that?
“I have to do that,” I mutter, putting on my shoes. Reaching over I turn off the water and the silence suffocates me right away. I miss her smile. Her giggle. The way she calls me Landry.
I grab a jacket and my keys. Sliding my phone in my pocket, it immediately buzzes with a text. I pull it out and stand in the middle of the room staring at the screen.
Good luck in San Diego. I’ll be rooting for you. Xo, Dani