Chapter 30
THIRTY
NATE
“Hey, where have you been?”
My heart drops to the floor.
“Hi,” Paige says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes are dark, her lips swollen, as she stands in the doorway to the kitchen.
“Have you been crying?” I ask her. “Paige, what’s wrong?”
“I’m fine. Honestly. I’m fine.”
She’s not fine. That much is obvious. But what happened?
I reach for her to pull her into me, to comfort her—but she pulls away.
My blood runs cold.
I set my Snack Pack down and try to stay calm.
“Where is Ryder?” she asks. “He’s with Camilla today, right?”
I force a swallow. “Yeah. They’re riding horses or something.”
“Nate, we need to talk.”
My shoulders fall. She could very well say a million things—there are all kinds of reasons to talk. But I know what it is.
I grip the edge of the counter and look at her. “Why?”
It’s the simplest word yet the hardest to say.
Tears pool in her eyes as she looks down. “I just need some space.”
“What did I do?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why? Why are you leaving because that’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?”
My eyes sting, unwilling to blink. There’s no way she’s leaving me. Not after everything we’ve shared.
“Paige, I love you—”
“I know.” Tears fall down her face. “I know you do, and I love you too.”
“Then why are you leaving? What happened? I don’t understand.”
She looks around the kitchen. At the spot we shared our midnight snacks. Where we stood to make dinner as a family. Where I kissed her before she went to her room—before she stayed in mine. Ours.
“Talk to me so I can fix it,” I say, the words rushing out. “Whatever it is, we’ll work it out.”
“Nate—”
“You were fine this morning. You left here happy, and we made plans for tonight. I’m supposed to be taking you to dinner right now, and you’re in here breaking my fucking heart.”
“I’m so sorry,” she says, her words caught on her tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“Then stop it. Stop it if you’re sorry, baby.”
I reach for her. When she pulls away, my heart shatters.
“This has nothing to do with you,” she says. “Please understand that. I just … I need some time. I need to think. My head is a mess, and I … I don’t want you to be upset.”
My eyes bulge. “You don’t want me to be upset? What should I do? Turn on the television and relax?”
“Nate, please …”
“Do you want time? Will you consider coming back?” I take a step toward her. “Dammit, Paige. I’ll give you anything you want. Just don’t end this for good.”
She backs away, clearly struggling as much as I am. So why won’t she just stay?
“Thank you for all you’ve done for me,” she says.
“No. Don’t say that. That sounds like goodbye.”
“You are the best man I’ve ever known and I think you were made for me.”
What?
None of this makes any sense. I just stand in front of her, speechless, and watch her disappear down the hallway. I don’t go after her because I’m frozen in place.
She’s leaving me.
But why? I consider every one of our interactions today, yesterday, last week. All I can conclude is that she was happy. Yet here we are, and she’s wanting space.
“You are the best man I’ve ever known, and I think you were made for me.”
So why the hell is she thanking me and leaving me? Leaving us?
She comes around the corner with her bags in her hand. “I love you. I want you to know that.”
“You don’t get to say that and then leave me with no fucking explanation,” I say, my frustration turning to anger. “What else can I do? Just tell me. Don’t do this, Paige.”
Don’t break my fucking heart.
“This isn’t easy for me either,” she says softly. “I’m just trying to do what’s best for everyone.”
“You are what’s best for me. How is that a question?” I pause. “Are you saying that I’m not best for you? Is that it?”
“No,” she says, the tears streaming again. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
I lunge toward her and take her face in my hands. Her body shakes, wracked with tears, as I press my lips to hers.
The kiss is wet and salty and tastes like goodbye.
When I pull away, I’m not sure if the dampness on my cheeks is from her tears … or mine.
“I’ll call you,” she whispers. Then she bows her head and walks out.
She’s given up on us. On the possibility of a family. On the possibility of forever.
And that shatters me.
Because we both know she’s not going to call.