Chapter Eighteen
Phoenix
I stood unashamedly, listening to Emery and Esther.
My wolf’s hearing was acute, but apparently, being a bonded alpha made it more so.
I could hear Emery even before I’d opened the door, and my heart broke for him, for them both.
I knew about Esther’s sister. I’d never heard the story of the lily, but I knew the rest.
I’d spoken to my dad and Simeon, and when Simeon had calmed down, he’d agreed that Emery had some good points about everyone panicking, and he was going to take that particular headache off my shoulders.
Which was good because not only did Emery and I have to talk about our relationship, we had to talk about the significance of the chance of heirs.
I couldn’t touch another, not with a blood mate, but the fact I had a mate that had gone into a full heat, any heat, was utterly astounding.
I couldn’t blame the pack for becoming excited, and I couldn’t even blame Karl.
Much as his timing sucked. I opened the door as silently as always, and I heard the intake of breath from Emery, and the corresponding chuckle from Esther.
“You know Phoenix just walked in,” she said.
“Is that a wolf thing?” Emery replied, surprise in his voice.
“Not just,” I answered as I entered the kitchen and went to find them in the den.
“It’s also because Phoenix is an alpha, and you are blood mates,” she added and stood as I walked toward them.
I sent her a grateful smile but carried on to Emery, leaning down and scooping him up, then sitting down with him in my lap.
Esther chuckled. “Now that’s a wolf thing,” she said and waved as she left.
“I should say”—my heart drummed—“I could hear you. Even before I opened the door.” I was going to be a hundred percent honest with him from this point forward.
“You could?” Emery said, astonished.
I nodded, relaxing with the scent and feel of him in my arms. “I understand how hard this must be for you. We seem to be throwing everything at you in a very short space of time.” He didn’t reply, and I pressed a small kiss to the patch of skin just at the nape of his neck, and I was thrilled at the answering shiver.
“I promise to tell you every deep and dark secret from now on.” I heaved a sigh, knowing what I needed to say.
“My heart had nearly stopped the second I scented the silver-skins had been in the camp. I was terrified history was about to repeat itself and that you’d been taken.
” Emery turned his face toward my chest and pressed a kiss there, but he didn’t speak.
I knew he was listening, waiting for more.
“I don’t want to put this sort of responsibility on you, but you have to know if you were taken, I wouldn’t stop until I found you. I would sacrifice my position in a heartbeat and go rogue.”
“Rogue?” Emery smirked. “What on earth is that?”
“A wolf without a pack.”
The humor that had lit his eyes at the teasing question left, and he frowned. “Phoenix, but—” He swallowed. “What would happen?”
“There isn’t another heir, so trials would be fought between those who considered themselves worthy. My dad would be unable to take back the pack. Once it’s relinquished, it’s gone forever, so if I broke the link, then I couldn’t ever change my mind.”
“That sounds serious,” Emery said. “I had, I suppose, an idea that being the alpha was a bit like being the Prince of England. The heir. And I’m not saying that’s not an easy way of life either, but I have a feeling being the alpha is much more personal.”
“I can feel them all,” I said, closing my eyes and resting my head back. “It’s not an actual reading minds or telepathy sort of thing. It’s more awareness. I know if they’re happy, sad, scared, but I can also drill it down to an individual wolf. Find them if they’re lost.”
“That must be exhausting,” Emery said.
“Goes with the territory,” I replied. “And no, that wasn’t trying to be flippant. It’s an honor. But it’s a burden as well as a joy.” I paused, hating what I was about to admit to because of how it made me sound. “It’s also a huge responsibility, and one I have to be very careful with.”
“Meaning?” Emery pushed.
I opened my eyes and gazed at the green ones in front of me. “Wolf packs aren’t a democracy. My word is law.”
Emery’s eyes widened. “Wow.”
“Which means I need to be careful. It also means I’m often out of my depth.
Dad made this look so easy.” I put a finger under Emery’s chin and raised it slightly.
“This is why matings are much different from human relationships. I understand you’re struggling with my intensity.
With the pack’s. But when a wolf meets a mate—and times that by a thousand for a blood mate—then we go from zero to a hundred without drawing a breath.
” I paused and let that settle in. “You’re it for me.
I would lay down my life for you. Go rogue without a second thought.
You want me to scale Alessandro’s fortress?
It’s done. You want me to fight to the death for a mating challenge—”
“Stop,” Emery said gently and pressed a hand on my chest. I covered it with mine.
His was so much smaller, but perhaps even stronger.
“I’m not asking for proof, just a little time.
I can’t even grasp what you’re going through.
I’d like to say I understand, and it isn’t that I don’t believe you for a second, but love…
the kind you describe, doesn’t happen in my world. ”
I nodded, the lump in my throat making it impossible to speak.
“Has this ever happened before?”
I hesitated, not entirely sure what he was asking.
“A human mate with an alpha,” he clarified.
It was a good question. “I don’t know. The person that could tell you has just walked out of that door.”
Emery hesitated. “Can anyone hear us?”
I shook my head. I knew no one was close. “I never would have said those things to you without making sure we didn’t have an audience. Not that I don’t want to declare my love for you to the whole world,” I added.
Emery pinked, and I enjoyed the color on him. “I have a question.”
I nodded seriously. “You can ask me anything. I told you, I will always tell you the truth, even though I might hate doing so.”
“Going back to what Esther said, then.” He snuggled down, and I loved every second.
My body naturally responded to his, but I wasn’t desperate to rip his clothes off…
yet. “The vampires. The problem with having kids. Esther told me she’d heard or felt her sister for a long time before it stopped.
Is there any chance they would use her to get her pregnant? ”
I knew what he was thinking. Saw him connecting the dots. “You think they possibly used Estrelle to breed? It’s just, she said they kept her alive. Could they have thought to use her against the pack?”
I shook my head. “She couldn’t tell them any information they didn’t already know.”
“Then why keep her alive? For blood? Is some blood better than others?” He winced.
“Yes,” I admitted. “A first heat, for example. I know you probably don’t remember much, but without me there, it would have been excruciatingly painful for you.
And with no relief, you might have died.
But the blood is supposed to be a delicacy.
” I cringed, waiting for a sarcastic comment, or even a disgusted one.
When I didn’t get one, I focused on his face.
He looked at me as if trying to work out if I was being dramatic.
I also knew a lot of what I was quoting referred to she-wolves, and I didn’t know how it differed.
“How many do you think they kept alive?” The question was very quiet, respectful.
“I have no idea. The elders wished the problem to simply go away. And not just in my pack. Some are much worse. Bayer’s, for example.
” I needed to get in touch with my friends.
“But I know something needs to be done. We can’t just let this go, or we’ll blink and another fifty packs will cease to exist.”
“And I guess we need to talk about us,” Emery said.
Here it was. I swallowed. “I don’t know what else to say.”
Emery was silent for a moment, and I knew he was gathering his thoughts.
“I can only explain how I feel from a human perspective, which is the limit of my experience. But taking my feelings for you completely out of the equation, it still seems like both of us have no choice. Maybe you more than me, but I resent being backed into a corner. On principle, more than even anything else.”
I could feel my heart thudding against my ribs, anxiety like a vine crawling up my throat. “What do you want to do?” I knew this had to be his decision, even if—but no, I wasn’t going there.
He huffed out a breath. “Can we slow down a little?”
Every alpha instinct wanted to carry him off and lock him away somewhere, jealously guard him for the rest of our lives, but thankfully, a few human ones kicked in. “What does that look like to you?”
“I want to get to know your family, but I also want you to get to know mine.”
My eyes widened. “Your parents?”
He snorted. “No, I’m lucky if I get an email once a month from either of them. No, I meant my friends, really. Gemma especially.”
“I can do that.” I would do that. I would do whatever it took. Emery’s belly grumbled in the quiet of the room, and he groaned. I pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Something tells me you’re hungry.”
“You caught that, huh?” Emery chuckled. “What about your dad? This is his home. I don’t want him to think he can’t be here.”
“We can talk about that, but he wouldn’t anyway. Not so soon after a mating. He’s with Simeon, and they’re old friends.” I stood up, lowered Emery gently to the floor, waited a few seconds until I knew he was steady, then took his hand and walked into the kitchen.
“I don’t even think we made a dent in the leftovers.”
I opened the fridge, and Emery slid his arms around my waist, pressing his chest to my back. “I don’t mean to make things difficult.”