Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-two
Emery
I gazed down in utter awe at Ashtani, well, utter exhausted awe. Absolutely everyone in the pack wanted to see her, but Phoenix said we both needed to sleep. I’ve never been so glad my mate was such a bossy alpha in all my life when everyone just listened.
“Tia,” I pronounced.
“What is?” Phoenix asked, helping me get comfy.
“Her nickname,” I said. She’d fed from a bottle a tiny bit, but guilt had wrapped its thorny claws around me because I could tell she didn’t like it.
I dropped off to sleep, even though I didn’t want to, just about the second my head touched my pillow.
I blinked awake, and judging from the clock, it was about two hours later.
I woke feeling sweaty, sticky, and in need of a shower.
Then I heard it. The wail that had clearly woken me up, and I smiled, realizing Phoenix had obviously taken her out there to help me get some sleep.
Another wail—much louder—accompanied by a few different voices woke me all the way up.
I sat up, and while I felt like the shirt I’d changed into afterward was literally stuck to me, hearing our baby cry made my chest ache. I stood, knowing Phoenix’s shirt nearly hung to my knees and headed to the door on wobbly legs after another ear-splitting wail.
“Phoenix, you’re going to have to wake Emery,” Esther said, the frustration clear in her voice. “Nothing we’re doing is helping.”
“I agree, Alpha,” Simeon’s low voice answered.
“I’m here,” I said, walking into the kitchen, and came to a stop as four people all turned and inhaled.
I could feel the flush reaching my hairline as I reached for Ashtani, my fingers itching for her and my chest still tight.
“Okay, give me a break, people. I bet you guys wouldn’t smell that fresh if you’d just had the night I did, either. ”
“Em,” Phoenix said in a strangled voice, as I immediately relaxed when my daughter was in my hands, and she quieted and started nuzzling against my shirt as if she was hoping for food.
“Emery,” Esther whispered.
“Sorry, poppet,” I cooed regretfully. “I haven’t got anything for you there.” I looked up and noticed the bottle. Wriggling my fingers for Phoenix to hand it over, I walked to the comfy chairs just off the kitchen.
“Are you hungry, sweetie?” I asked gently, getting comfortable. “Does that mean Daddy didn’t feed you?”
Phoenix followed me. “That means Daddy can’t get her to take a bottle, and neither can anyone else, which is why we were just going to wake you.”
“Emery—” Esther paused and stared at me. “I—”
“What?” I said, trying to tempt Ashtani with the nipple. She started wailing again. “Hush, baby, you must be hungry.” But she worked herself up, screaming like her world was ending. I frowned. “But she took some initially. What’s wrong?”
“Emery, undo your shirt,” Esther said, and I glanced up.
“What?” Not sure if I’d heard her correctly.
She gestured, and I looked down. The front of my shirt was nearly soaked, and for a moment, my mind went totally blank.
“I’ve heard of this, but I thought it was simply an old wives’ tale,” Simeon said in awe.
“Let me,” Phoenix said gently, seeing my confusion, and unbuttoned my shirt. I glanced down at my left nipple, red, angry, and leaking a little clear fluid.
“What is it?” I whispered in a strangled voice, my mind not accepting what I thought I was looking at.
But now that my shirt was undone, it seemed Ashtani knew exactly what to do because her head turned to my chest, and for some insane reason, my instincts took over, and I lifted her up, pulling at my chest until her tiny mouth found my nipple, and she began to suck hard.
Bayer, Simeon, Draven, and Phoenix all gaped. Esther simply grabbed a cushion to settle her on so she was at the right height for me and got me a large glass of water with a lid and straw.
“What’s happening?” I said in a strangled voice.
“Okay, sweetie, so this is what I know,” Esther said and glanced at Simeon.
“Interrupt if you’ve got anything else to add.
” Simeon nodded and pulled Phoenix down to sit.
I glanced back down at Tia and stared in utter wonder.
Each tug of my nipple, I almost felt in my abdomen as well, which was weird.
“So,” Esther said. “What most people don’t know is that men have all the equipment ready for breastfeeding: nipples, mammary glands, and pituitary glands. They just don’t have the hormone levels necessary to produce milk.”
I nodded because on my weirdo-scale, to say I’d just given birth to a baby, I wasn’t sure why this was the part I found so unbelievable.
“Now, as I understand it, you won’t ever produce milk per se, but this is similar to a new mom producing colostrum for the first few days before her milk comes in.
For the first few days, she’ll be content with just this, but then, according to what I’ve read, she’ll move to milk as she needs more.
It was why she was refusing the milk. It didn’t smell like you. ”
And my weirdness what-the-hell-ever moment changed to sharp disappointment. I suddenly wanted to do this with everything in me, and I swallowed past the tightness in my throat. “So, a couple of days?”
Esther shook her head. “No, absolutely not. This will always be part of your routine. I understand in male omegas this doesn’t stop unless you decide to. You give her this at the start of every feed until you choose to wean her fully onto bottles.”
I had to bite my lips and blink a few times. I didn’t notice Esther clearing the room until I looked up and just Phoenix was there. “Can you believe this?”
And my big bad alpha had also teared up.
She let go and fussed a little, and without prompting, because I’d seen this with my friend at work, I lifted her up and swapped sides.
“One second,” Phoenix said, before I settled her back down. He stood, bent, and lifted us both up, then sat holding us on his lap. We sat quietly cuddling, sharing what was probably one of the best moments of my life. Tia fell asleep halfway through, and I gazed at her in utter wonder.
“Look what we did, Daddy,” I whispered. “She’s perfect.”
Phoenix kissed my cheek, then hers. “You both are.”
I glanced up. “I love you so much.” He traced my wet cheek with his finger.
“I can’t believe how lucky I am. How much I love you.” I lifted my lips, and he kissed me gently, as if I was precious.
“I need a shower,” I said ruefully. “It must be bad from the looks I got from you guys.”
Phoenix chuckled. “I hate to tell you this, but it wasn’t that. It was your milk, or whatever Esther called it, we could smell. It was sweet,” he added hurriedly when I wrinkled my nose. “Nothing bad. It was just a surprise.”
“Oh,” I said, a little mollified, and glanced down at our daughter. “Do you like Tia?”
Phoenix grinned. “I’m here telling you how much I adore you, and your mind’s already switched subjects.”
“No,” I said, firmly. “You were telling me how much I smelled.”
He chuckled. “For a nickname? I think Tia’s perfect.”
I shrugged and tried a few out in my head. “We’ll see what fits. I love her name, just can’t imagine me yelling it.”
“How about we put her down, and you grab a shower and rest? We won’t be able to keep the hordes away for long.”
So we did. We both managed another two hours until our daughter showed us who was boss with an ear-splitting cry when we obviously didn’t wake soon enough to tend to her wet and uncomfortable bottom and her empty belly.
Phoenix arranged me like I was holding court after I’d fed her, and the first visitor was Graystone, the elder from the Curtis River pack, accompanied by his grandson, Kasim.
I thought it was fitting, as he was the first wolf to know I was pregnant.
Then, I wanted to welcome Nicholas’s mom, and Phoenix nodded his agreement. Then it was pretty much a case of who turned up, but after another couple of hours, I was yawning, and Tia was getting fussy. It was Draven who called a halt this time.
Phoenix changed her like a pro, then gave her back so I could feed her again. I didn’t mind in front of a few, but not the entire pack.
I was just considering yet another nap when Isla practically burst through the door. We both took one look at her face, and my stomach did a weird somersault type of thing.
“What is it?” Phoenix all but demanded, rising from his chair. Bayer was here like my sentinel, and Draven, Isla, and Simeon appeared a moment later.
“It’s Ben. He’s gone,” Isla said.
“And it’s my fault,” Simeon said grimly.
“What do you mean?” Phoenix asked.
Isla heaved a breath. “Callie was fussing last night before dinner, and we were so focused I didn’t hear him come back from spending time with Kasim, and you know we can’t really scent him.
They seem to be making friends, even if most of the others still won’t talk to him.
Kasim’s a lot more open-minded, and they’re close in age. ”
“What do you mean the others won’t talk to him?” I interrupted.
Isla sighed. “He’s a human, and I’m a bear.”
“Go on,” Phoenix said while I was struggling with how badly I’d fucked up. I’d stayed away from Ben because I was hiding the pregnancy, but I was the alpha-mate. Families were my job and something I was usually good at, but I’d never even sent him so much as a message.
Isla shot an apologetic look at Simeon. “We were talking about Micah and trying to work out what was happening and how much of a risk Emery’s dad driving away with him was.
That he was such a threat to the pack and that we needed to know what was going on.
” Isla paused. “And that we needed someone on the inside. I said Simeon suggested Ben, and there was no way, and I was glad you shut it down.”
Simeon winced.
“He came in a few moments later,” Isla said.
“And we never gave it a thought, but when we were eating, he asked if I thought there was anything he could do to help him and Callie to be accepted. He’s asked before, and I know it worries him, so we just reassured him and told him it would take time.
Then, with Simeon, Draven, and Esther here, we had to leave Callie with Ben last night, and we thought today, as well.
” Isla twisted her hands, and I didn’t think I’d ever seen the cool, competent beta commander look so rattled.
“Except Esther just called us to ask if she should feed Callie or if were we on our way. Apparently, Ben took her to Esther’s over two hours ago, and Esther never thought anything was odd.
” Isla reached out and handed Phoenix a piece of paper, and Phoenix glanced at it, then handed it to me.
“We found it in the kitchen. He must have heard us.”
I want to help. Micah will believe me if I say the others won’t talk to me. I’m going to find out what I can.
I pressed my hand to my mouth, and Draven took the note, and Simeon read it over his shoulder. Draven scanned it and heaved a huge sigh. “Brave lad.” I opened my mouth to shriek something, but Draven turned to Phoenix. “We have to get him back.”
“Of course we do,” I agreed.
“Where’s Matthew?” Phoenix asked.
“He set off right away to see if he can find Ben before Micah gets hold of him.” Isla met Phoenix’s gaze. “I’m worried Micah might take out his resentment on Ben.”
“He absolutely will,” Bayer said. Then he looked up. “Alpha, I know my duties have changed, but you need to take me. I know the best routes in.”
And within fifteen minutes, I was alone. Phoenix had asked me who to send for, and for one crazy moment, I wished I could’ve said my mom. But we’d never had that sort of relationship.
So I called Gemma, and she called Danny, and they were escorted through and scolded me that I hadn’t called them the second I’d had the baby, but then I’d burst into tears and not because I felt alone.
Not because of my hormones. But because I had friends that I could call who would drop everything and come at a moment’s notice, and Ben, the terrified teenager who’d been forced to grow up way too fast and instead of thinking he was home, was still trying to prove he was good enough for bullshit standards.
And I didn’t care that it was dusk. I didn’t care that I was a human kind of. I didn’t even care that all the so-called important people of the pack were away on a rescue mission that should never have been necessary.
I called a pack meeting.
And I called it now.