Chapter 14 #4
He stops suddenly, and I glance at his face in time to see the words register.
That was the moment I fell in love with Troy Nichols seems to echo through the room as if he shouted it.
His eyes flick to me, face pale. He obviously didn’t mean that the same way someone might say they love puppies, or a specific actor.
He meant it in the way of someone admitting attraction to someone, and is very obviously regretting speaking up .
“Don’t blame you,” I tell him mildly, keeping my voice even and my expression pleasant.
I’ve had enough terrible experiences coming out to people to know how frightening it can be, particularly if you hadn’t even meant to say it.
“Nico’s pretty close to Troy, and all I hear about him is that he’s a great person.
Handsome, too, of course, but it’s the attitude and kindness that would do me in. ”
Jack’s body deflates, shoulders slumping in relief, as though he’d been bracing for impact.
“Yeah,” he agrees, color flooding back into his face. I hand him a slice of pepper, and he crunches into it, chewing and swallowing before continuing in a slow, careful voice. “I’m trying to get better about saying…that.”
“Well, I can tell you, I’ve said the words ‘I’m gay’ hundreds of times, and it hasn’t seemed to get any easier.”
His mouth opens on a small gasp, and a strange expression passes over his face. If I had to guess, I’d say it was relief, but that doesn’t exactly track with what I’d said. His honey eyes are wide, and more intent on mine than they’ve ever been before.
“You… You are? I mean…”
“What’s for eating?” Parker interrupts loudly, walking into the kitchen and peering at the counter. “I’m starving.”
“You ate half an hour ago,” I remind him, scooping up the green peppers and depositing them on a plate before passing them his way.
“Thanks.” He crunches into one, and unlike Jack, doesn’t bother swallowing before speaking. “What time do I have to go to Sue’s?”
“Uhm—” I glance over at the oven.
“I could hang out here if you wanted,” Jack offers, drawing both my and Parker’s attention .
Parker recovers quicker, his mouth stretching into a smile and eyes popping wide as he realizes what Jack’s offering. I raise a hand to keep him silent, trying to hold off the explosion for a second.
“You don’t have to babysit, Jacko. I appreciate you offering, but?—”
“He doesn’t mind!” Parker says at the same moment Jack shrugs and replies, “I don’t mind.”
Brushing a hand down my face, I gently turn Parker around and usher him toward the family room.
“Go eat your snack and watch TV,” I tell him.
“Oh, so now you want me to watch TV,” he grumbles, but shuffles out of sight. I hear the groan of the coach as he throws himself back down.
“You really don’t have to babysit, mate,” I tell Jack, who shrugs.
“I wouldn’t mind. It’s not like I’m doing anything since I don’t play for the team anymore.”
“Well…” I look at Jack—at his open, freckly face and wide brown eyes. He looks so eager to help, just like he did earlier when he offered to help clean the apartment. “You’re sure? I feel like you’ve got better things to do than hang out with a kid.”
“Trust me, I don’t.” He laughs, stealing another pepper and popping it in his mouth. “I’d rather be here than anywhere else, anyway. I like it here.”
Well, hell. It’s hard to argue with that. And best not to look too closely at how a statement like that makes me feel, particularly when it’s delivered so soon after the realization that we could make this something more if either of us was brave enough to try.
“I’m reachable by phone if you need anything at all. And I’ll give you Miss Sue’s number too, okay? She lives next door. She can help if anything happens, and you need some backup, okay?”
“Okay,” he agrees. “No problem.”
“He usually goes to bed around eight or nine, but don’t stress about it too much since it’s a weekend. He’s probably going to want to squeeze out every minute of time with you that he can.”
Jack nods, smiling and stirring the rice.
I turn off the stove, not wanting it to burn, and tap my fingers nervously on the counter.
I feel like this puts us on shaky ground, the firm line between coach and player finally blurring away until we’re left with this—two adult men who spend quite a bit of time together.
Time which could be mistaken for a relationship, as evidenced by Parker’s earlier “boyfriend” comment.
Biting my lip, I consider bringing that up to Jack, but immediately discard it.
Talk about a surefire way to make the man uncomfortable.
No, better to keep that to myself for now and wait until we have more time to talk.
“Listen, Jacko, are you sure? It’s no trouble at all to send him over to Sue’s. Seriously, I feel like I’m coercing you into?—”
“Desmond! It’s okay, I want to. Really,” he says firmly. “I like Parker, and I like being here. I’d rather be here than alone in my dorm.”
We finish making Parker’s early dinner, and I call Sue to let her know the slight change of plan.
She promises to bring over a casserole for them to eat, and no amount of arguing on my part convinces her it’s unnecessary.
I figure it’ll get eaten no matter how much food I put in Parker’s stomach before I leave—he’s pretty much a bottomless pit.
I try to give Jack all the instructions one might need to take care of a kid, and find myself nervously hesitating at the door when it’s time to leave.
It feels like this is a precipice, and I’m choosing to jump by leaving Parker with Jack.
I couldn’t say why, but it feels far more significant than leaving him with the neighbor or asking Anthony to watch him does.
It feels, I realize sadly, like he’s my boyfriend. My partner.
“Have fun, and good luck,” Jack says, peering over the back of the couch at me. Parker, sitting right next to him and staring at the screen, agrees without breaking eye contact with his YouTube streamer.
“Yeah, bye.” He raises a hand and waves it in my general direction. Jack’s mouth pinches together like he wants to laugh.
“Bye, guys. See you later,” I mutter, taking one last look at the pair of them before walking out and closing the door.