Chapter Sixteen – The Way I Wanna
Chapter Sixteen
Rafe
THE WAY I WANNA
Performed by Max McNown
We were all smiling as I drove the boat back to the dock. Cold and tired but smiling. It was the kind of happiness you felt all the way to the bottom of your soul, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt that way. Maybe the time Fallon and I had learned to surf in Australia. Maybe longer than that.
The sun was sinking below the tree lines as we neared the cove. The shadows were long, and it was mostly on instinct and long-forgotten muscle memory that I traversed the waters and pulled up to the dock without incident.
Fallon jumped out and tied us off while Sadie gathered our trash, and I dealt with the ice chest. Climbing into the Jeep, we were all quiet in a sated, relaxed sort of way that lingered as the colors bled from the sky.
As we crested the hill, a cell phone tower came into view in the distance with the top lit up in warning for low-flying planes. I puzzled over it for a minute before I realized it was on Harrington land. It was on the far corner where the property butted up against the two-lane highway, hidden from the house but clear as day from the lakeside of the property.
“What the hell is that?” I asked.
Fallon leaned forward between the seats, glancing from me to what I was staring at.
“Another of Uncle Adam’s ideas. We leased the land to the cell phone company. The nice thing is, it means we have a great signal now, even on the lake.”
“Jesus Christ,” I grumbled. “It’s a damn eyesore.”
Fallon laughed. “Spence hated it. He said Grandpa Kade was probably turning over in his grave, but what needed to be done, needed to be done. It brings in a solid income every year. Money we can actually count on that isn’t subject to changing prices of hay and cattle.”
She sat back, and I had a hard time focusing on the road as the damn tower faded from sight in the rearview mirror.
I didn’t know if I should applaud Adam for his ingenuity in looking at other revenue streams for the ranch, or if I wanted to strangle him for destroying the land and the peace that came with it. If Spence hadn’t died, I wouldn’t have known about any of it. Wouldn’t have cared.
Now, something in my chest ached over all of it. The change. The loss.
I loathed how the land could still work itself into my bloodstream after years of trying to cleanse myself of anything and everything to do with it.
I parked the rig next to a handful of other vehicles the ranch owned, thinking about insurance and registration, and how much money was being forked out each year just to keep it stocked with the equipment needed to simply run the damn place.
Numbers ran amok in my brain, ways to improve the profit, ways to turn the ranch around. I had to fight to put it all aside just as I had earlier when I’d seen the Hatleys’ plans laid out on Adam’s desk. I needed to do something to stop the spiral before it got out of hand, before I found myself making promises to my daughter I wasn’t sure I could keep.
My plans to get lost in a dark-haired dynamo would do more than just get the craving for her out of my system. It would shut off my brain for a few hours while I thought of nothing but discovering every inch of her, while I made her beg just like I’d promised when she’d ganged up on me with the girls.
I watched as Sadie strode toward the house with a confidence I’d seen crumble for an instant on the boat when we’d been mulling over the scars the world had left on our bodies. I was hungry to experience more of both sides of her—the sassy strength and the open vulnerability.
I lifted the ice chest onto a shoulder, dumped it over outside the back door, and then stepped inside to find her and the teens in the hall. Fallon’s face still held a happy smile when she said to Sadie, “We’ve got cookie dough ice cream. Would you like some?”
Another thing Fallon knew I couldn’t stand. Who puts something like cookie dough in ice cream? It gave me the shivers just thinking about the mix of textures.
“Thanks, but I really think I want to shower off the lake and get some rest. It was a long day, and I told your mom I’d help her start setting up for the wedding tomorrow.”
It felt wrong to be using Sadie as unpaid help. I wondered just how much she did back home between the ranch and the bar. Sometimes it was hard to remember she was twenty-three. She should barely be out of college, spending days learning a new career and nights out on the town with friends, flirting, dancing, living up those last few days of limited responsibility.
The demon in my head reminded me I’d never lived that way, especially not once I’d left the ranch.
“Do you want ice cream, Rafe?” Maisey asked with a shy smile so opposite of Fallon’s whirlwind of energy.
“Fallon knows I won’t eat that nasty excuse for ice cream,” I said, softening the words with a wink.
Fallon snorted, and Maisey’s grin grew. They started off down the hall, but then at the last minute, Fallon came running back. She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight, murmuring into my chest, “Thank you for tonight.”
She smelled like the lake and sunscreen, and it filled my heart until I thought it might crack wide open. I hugged her back, kissing the top of her head. “Thanks for reminding me of all the things I loved about summers here.”
She let me go and spun around, returning to her friend and nearly running for the kitchen.
My heart was in my throat as I turned and caught Sadie’s eyes. They were watery, as if the scene with my daughter had affected her as much as it had me.
She looked away, rubbing a hand over her opposite arm and shifting on her feet.
She was nervous.
Of all the things I wanted from Sadie Hatley, nerves weren’t one of them. I wanted the defiance and breathtaking passion I’d seen in her before. I needed the sexy taunt that had stirred my blood and had me offering something I never had to anyone—a trip to my penthouse. While the women I’d spent time with had seen the inside of a hotel suite, it had never been mine.
I closed the distance, entering her space and caging her against the wall. I twisted a lock of ebony silk in my fingers and tugged at it, not enough to hurt but to make a point. “We have unfinished business, Tennessee.”
Heat flooded those vivid eyes. I could easily drown in them. And tonight, that was exactly what I wanted. Needed. A respite from thoughts that would only crack open more scars if I let them.
“I haven’t decided if I’m interested in conducting business with you, Slick.”
My chuckle annoyed her. She lifted her chin, and I grabbed it, thumb running along her lower lip. My other hand cupped her neck, dancing along the pulse there. I felt her inhale. Felt the way her body shivered. Damn, she was addicting.
“Yes, you have,” I told her. “You just haven’t decided why you like being told what to do.”
A delightful blush covered her cheeks. I wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment or desire or fury at my being right. Maybe it was a bit of all three.
She tried to pull her chin out of my hand, but I gripped it harder. “I’m heading to the cabin to shower off the lake. If you don’t show up in twenty minutes, I’m coming back to remind you of what you started, and I’ll charge an extra penalty for it.”
The thrum of her heart sped up against my fingers, and my body grew tight.
“Maybe you’d like that too. The penalties as much as the begging.” My voice had a low, savage growl to it, and her pupils dilated at the sound.
I stepped back, and cool air rushed between us. Her palm landed on her chest as if trying to slow the wild beat inside it.
“Twenty minutes, Sadie. Twenty damn minutes.”
I didn’t look back as I sauntered toward the door. I couldn’t. If I did, I might end up taking that sweet mouth right here in the middle of the hall, and I wouldn’t risk Fallon finding us that way. But I swore Sadie would be mine. I’d have her, taste every inch of her, and set her aside, leaving her in my past.
The devil inside laughed.
Hadn’t I thought I’d put the ranch in my past? Hadn’t I thought I’d cleansed myself of it? And one day here had proven it was still stuck inside me. What made me think I’d do any better with Sadie? When just the look and scent of her was enough to hook into skin and bone and soul?
I shoved those thoughts aside. I didn’t have a choice but to try to burn through her and leave her in my wake. Otherwise, I might just go under the water for good.
? ? ?
I washed off in the too-small shower and pulled on the jeans I’d worn earlier and a clean T-shirt. My small suitcase of clothes was dwindling since I hadn’t expected to work on the ranch. But I’d need something more formal for the black-tie wedding on Saturday, in addition to more work clothes at the rate I was burning through them. I shot off a text to my personal assistant, asking him to pack a few more things and send them overnight.
A glance at my watch told me Sadie had five minutes to show up before I went and claimed her. But I wouldn’t have to.
I poured two glasses of bourbon from the decanter I’d taken from the office bar and set them on the Formica table. The cut crystal seemed completely out of place in the ancient, worn décor of Levi’s place. For the first time, I felt a hint of regret. Sadie deserved better than a deteriorated cabin with an iffy window A/C unit. She deserved thousand-count sheets, champagne, and stunning views that wouldn’t ever be able to compete with the view I had of her.
I grimaced at the maudlin thoughts. All we really needed for what I intended tonight was a bed. Maybe a counter. Or a wall. The shower would never fit both of us, and the table would never hold up to the ideas that pummeled through me. The memory of her breasts, small and tight and smooth under my callused hands in the penthouse, was enough to send me right up to the edge. She was going to challenge my control, and I’d be only lying to myself if I said I didn’t like it.
The knock on the door wasn’t tentative at all. Once Sadie decided to do something, she went for it. The way she’d laid down her offer at the piano bar and the way she’d kissed me with everything she had, not holding back an ounce of herself, were both perfect examples.
I swung the door open and drank her in. She’d put on a lavender, halter-topped sundress with ruching at the side, showing a circle of exposed skin. It called to me, and I grazed the silky softness with a single finger. She shivered, and it had nothing to do with her damp hair flying around in the breeze.
I hauled her inside and slammed the door shut with my foot.
The color of the dress and the hint of warmth from the old lamp on the side table turned her eyes a periwinkle color, shooting memories through me of lying amongst the bluebells on a spring day. I’d stared at the white puffy clouds floating overhead, thinking there’d never be anything better than the ranch. But now I knew the truth. This was better. She was better.
It was enough to cause a hint of panic that I ignored.
“I like this dress on you,” I said. My mouth lowered, skimming hers, and that breathy gasp I found so addicting escaped her once again. I wanted to drink it in more than I’d ever wanted my expensive bourbon. “I’ll like taking it off you even more.”
“Don’t break it like you did my last one. That was a brand-new dress you ruined,” she said.
“I’ll buy you another one.”
“I don’t want you buying me anything. That wasn’t the point.” Her annoyance flashed as fast as the heat and, damn, I liked both. Liked that she wasn’t reaching for my credit card like other woman in my past had at the mere hint of an offer.
“I’m missing your point,” I said, moving to skim her temple with my lips and then the tantalizing softness below her ear.
She put a hand on my chest and pushed us apart. “The point was, don’t destroy things that don’t belong to you. Money isn’t always the answer.”
She stepped around me, leaving a pair of sandals at the door and heading for the table and the two glasses I’d poured. I watched as she picked one up with a trembling hand. She took a sip, then held the glass in front of her as if it could be some sort of barrier. She watched me with a guarded expression, full of those nerves I’d thought she was above, but maybe she’d had them that first night too, and I just hadn’t been around her enough to recognize them like I did now.
I needed her settled. I needed her fully on board with what we were going to do to each other tonight. I wanted the woman from the elevator who’d stepped toward me with nothing but a dare between us. The one whose bare back had been up against my window with the nightlife of the Vegas Strip exposed behind her.
I stalked to the table, picked up the other glass, and took a sip as she eyed the cabin.
“You said the horse trainer used to live here?” she asked.
“Levi. He taught me everything I know about horses, breaking them, taming them, riding them.” I hadn’t meant it as an innuendo, but her eyes darkened, pupils widening.
“I get things are complicated with your family, but I’m surprised your business is so completely different from how you were raised. Didn’t you want to stay? Didn’t you miss it?” That restless energy had the questions spilling out of her one after the other.
I put my glass down and then took hers and set it on the table as well. I circled her wrist and tugged her gently toward me. “Tell me, Tennessee, where did these nerves come from? Where’s the woman who bought me a drink and invited herself into my bed?”
She swallowed, tilting her head to look up at me. “It was easier when I didn’t know you. It was just supposed to be one night. A few hours of good sex before I left Vegas behind.”
I traced her jawline with my finger, and her breath caught, heart pounding so hard I could feel it in my rib cage.
“Good isn’t the right word for what we’re going to do, and you’ll still be gone soon enough.”
She stared at me for a moment. “But I’ll see you tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. I can’t—”
“Run away after I’ve exposed all your secret wants and desires,” I said. I knew what she meant. I’d have to face her again in the morning. Worse, I’d have to decide what to do with this craving I had for her if it didn’t disappear after a handful of nights spent together.
“I feel like… No one has ever been able to rip away my outer layers before, Rafe… I… You…” She swallowed, shaking her head. “I don’t know if I hate that you discombobulate me or love it.”
I fisted her hair with one hand, the other sliding to her waist as my mouth brushed against hers once more. Bourbon. Honey. Sadie. God, it was delicious. “You think too much, Tennessee. That’s why you like the idea of me telling you what to do. It makes that big brain of yours come to a complete halt.”
She tried to respond, but I didn’t let her. I sank into her, tasting every corner, dragging out another gasp I got to swallow and make mine. The heat scorched me, dragged me into it like a fire that had jumped from the grate and burned like a raging inferno.
When I relinquished her lips, she moaned in objection, trying to reclaim mine. Instead, I slid my mouth along the sensitive slope of her neck before biting the notch at the top of her collarbone. “You taste like campfires and honey and damnation.”
Her hips slammed into mine, and when I looked up, her eyes had shifted into deep midnight skies. The kind where shooting stars left fiery trails behind.
I tugged at the bow of the halter top, and her entire dress came tumbling down, revealing those snowy slopes, those gorgeous ripe breasts I’d been unable to forget since Sunday, and a pair of lace underwear that made my mouth water. I dipped my head, taking a taut tip in my mouth while twisting the other between my fingers. I rejoiced in feasting on her, not a quick inhale that would soon fade, but a slow and languid savoring that required me to taste every inch.
Tongue and fingers danced in a sensual rhythm, determined to torment her the way she’d been tormenting me for days. I reveled in her every response. The way her hips shifted against mine, the way her breath became a desperate pant, and the way her nails dug into my neck.
When she yanked at my shirt, I stepped back enough to pull it over my head and send it sailing before returning to my worship of her smooth skin and pebbled tips. Her fingers skated over my shoulders, my back, my side. I knew when she found the scar, because she hesitated for a second.
We’d get there. I wanted to know what had happened to her. Wanted to know who to hunt down for wounding her. But first, I needed us to lose ourselves in each other. In this moment. In the way our skin felt sliding against each other.
I recaptured her mouth as I picked her up, and those long legs wrapped around my waist. My palms squeezed her soft curves, and she bit my lip, letting out another enchanting moan. She was a delightful mix of muscles and curves. Force and kindness. Fire and rain. I found myself ridiculously close to losing control simply from having her twined around me. I was already desperate to sink into her. To thrust inside and pound away until we both got relief. That wild need was too heady. Too fast. And I fought to regain my restraint by dropping her on the bed and putting distance between us.
“No,” I said, my voice loaded with emotions.
Her lids were heavy and sexy but her voice was confused. “What?”
“I’m taking my time with you,” I told her. “This isn’t going to be over and done within minutes, Tennessee.”
She sat up, hair tousled, lips red from my kisses.
“Lie down,” I told her.
She hesitated. I leaned in to pinch a pebbled tip, and she gasped.
“Lie down, Sadie.”
She pushed herself back onto the pillows, eyes following me as I sat next to her, trailing a finger down her unmarked thigh, over her knee, down her calf, and to the graceful arch of her slender foot. Delicate bones. Delicate toes. I started there. Kissing, licking, caressing my way up one side, worshiping each inch of skin until I reached the hot juncture between her legs. I let my breath coast over the delicate lace, and she quivered, drawing a wicked smile to my lips before I skipped over her center to her other leg.
When my fingers and tongue found the scars on her thigh, I spent an inordinate amount of time worshiping them, and her breathing turned even choppier, hands landing in my hair, tugging and caressing. I wanted to destroy whoever had put the scars on her. Marred her. Hurt her. I’d get the truth out of her. I’d get the truth, and then I’d make sure they never found happiness again.
First, I’d spend hours giving her the pleasure she deserved. But it would be done my way, on my terms, and I wouldn’t rush it. I caught her wrists, pulled her hands away from me, and leaned up to latch them on the headboard. “These stay here,” I told her.
I watched as she fought her natural instinct, resisting being told what to do, and when she finally gripped the frame on her own, I smiled.
“That’s it, darlin’. Let go. Let me do all the thinking,” I told her.
“Don’t push your luck, Slick,” she tossed back.
I kissed her to shut her up, kissed her because I needed another taste of that honey and smoke before I continued my onslaught of her body. Greedy, she met me lick for lick, slide for slide, and I almost lost focus again. I loved every moment of it. Every desperate attempt to hold on to control and how she was capable of pushing me right up to that edge.