Chapter Eighteen – Ain’t No Love In Oklahoma
Chapter Eighteen
Rafe
AIN’T NO LOVE IN OKLAHOMA
Performed by Luke Combs
Sitting with Sadie on my lap , twined in my arms, felt right and wrong and everything in between. She’d gotten her scars by defending her niece. The bravery of her actions, the self-sacrifice of it, turned me on almost as much as those stunning eyes flashing with desire. The fact she’d almost had her naked flesh attacked by a snake because of me tore into my veins with a brutality that left me nearly breathless.
Having someone come for me was one thing, but coming after people I cared about was entirely different. It wouldn’t be tolerated. I would find and punish whomever it was just as I’d wanted to punish the person who’d shot her.
The person who hated me the most, who I knew wanted revenge, was Puzo, but I hadn’t made my company into what it was without racking up a few more enemies along the way. I needed to talk to Steele and start making our way through that list, as well as find out if he’d found Puzo’s thug or discovered more about Puzo’s business in Rivers.
Except, tangled up with Sadie, having her arms around me, her warmth in my lap, and her compassion draped over me, I found it incredibly difficult to move. Holding her, I had a glimpse of something I’d never thought I’d have again—a relationship with a woman that was more than sexual release. Having that, having her for more than a few nights, was more than I’d earned or deserved.
But the truth was, I couldn’t keep her, not even for the handful of days I’d originally suggested. Not when she might be collateral damage if whoever had placed the snake in my bed came for me again.
What could I do to prevent it? What could I do to stop the ache in my chest and loins? I’d never wanted to finish what we’d started as badly as I did now. The need to hear her gasp and moan and see her naked and shivering because I’d taken her over the edge was almost blinding in its intensity. And maybe it was just that, the strength of those emotions I always tried desperately to leash, that had me standing up and setting her aside.
I made my voice as cold and impassive as possible, saying, “I’ll walk you back, and tomorrow, you should leave.”
Anger and hurt flashed across her face. Good. Those emotions were sure to send her running.
Except, if she ran, what would Puzo do? I couldn’t imagine he cared one iota about her potentially being a long-lost cousin. No. His interest was for another reason. Maybe it had grown because of my angry reaction to seeing them together. Simply seeing me lose my temper over her might have put her in his crosshairs.
Or maybe the snake had nothing to do with Puzo and everything to do with what had happened to Spence. Maybe this was Adam, and maybe Fallon really was right that my brother’s death wasn’t an accident. Then, I remembered the email on Adam’s computer with the Puzo name, and my blood went cold. Perhaps Puzo really was responsible for all of it. Fuck . That just meant Sadie and everyone here was in more danger than I’d ever expected.
The idea my choices and my life might have bled into all of theirs set acid boiling in my stomach.
“I’m not leaving until Sunday,” Sadie said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re not my boss, Rafe. Don’t confuse my letting you control our sexual encounters with you being able to control me. Even if what we just shared didn’t mean something to me, I wouldn’t leave. I told Lauren I’d help with the wedding, and I told Adam I’d answer all his questions, and I always meet my commitments.”
Her words struck at all those tender spots inside me I was trying to bury.
After glaring at me for another few seconds, as if waiting for a response I couldn’t give, she turned on her heel and headed out the door. She stormed out without even a glance to see what was in the dark waiting for her. My teeth ground together, and I had to jog to catch up to her.
“It’s not just the snake, Tennessee. I have enough to watch over while I figure out what’s going on here. I can’t add you to the list,” I told her.
“I don’t need you watching over me! And what’s that supposed to mean? What do you think is going on here?” she asked, coming to a halt and turning to face me.
I dragged a hand through my hair and bit the inside of my cheek. If I told her the truth, would it make her dig her heels in more, or would it be the final push to send her on her way?
Stalling, I looked up at the sky and almost expected thunderstorms to be brewing, thunder and lightning that would reflect the chaos inside me. Instead, I saw millions of stars stretched across a clear, inky expanse. It reminded me of just how inconsequential I was. That we all were. In a continually expanding universe, we were nothing. Dust motes floating through the air that could easily be swept away. Easily forgotten.
Like I’d tried to forget my brother and the ranch and the land that had first formed me.
If I’d brought this trouble to my family, I had to fix it.
“Fallon doesn’t believe my brother’s death was an accident.”
In the moonlight, it was easy to see the shock on her expressive face. “You think he was murdered?”
I rubbed my hand along my beard, pushing into the tension at the apex of my jaw. Fallon was right. Spence would never have driven the tractor anywhere near the cliff where it went over. What would even have been the point of having the tractor up there? Above the river on a cliff that had been eroding for decades?
“Fallon does, and I promised her I’d look into it. Now that I’ve found out Puzo has been sniffing around town and that Adam knows him, it’s something I have to consider. You being here—”
A scream lit up the night.
It was female and high-pitched and had come from the open windows of the main house.
Fallon!
I sped toward the front door, heart in hand, stomach sinking when I realized the door wasn’t locked. It was probably never locked—just like Levi’s cabin hadn’t been. No damn protection.
I took the stairs two at a time with Sadie hot on my heels.
I wanted to thrust her away, lock her in a closet, keep her somewhere safe.
Fallon and Maisey had just stepped out of my daughter’s room as I hit the landing. Their expressions startled and scared. My gaze dragged over them, looking for injuries and finding none.
“What happened?” I demanded.
Fallon shook her head, running toward her mom’s room. “It wasn’t us!”
I barely caught her before she opened the door. I shook her gently before sending her in Sadie and Maisey’s direction. “Damn it, Fallon. Stay back. You have no idea what you’re walking into.”
I flung open the door of Spencer’s room—my parents’ old room—hitting the light switch and sending the dark shadows back into the corners of the eighteenth-century monolith of a bedroom.
Lauren was sitting in the middle of the four-poster bed, her eyes large but hazy with more than just sleep—the damn drugs she’d taken. Her hand was on her neck, her breathing rapid and wild.
“What’s wrong?” I demanded.
“Someone was here… Someone…” She darted a look at a pillow tossed at the end of her bed.
Anger and fear took hold. Someone had been in the house! They’d all been alone. Unprotected. God. My daughter. Her friend. Sadie. Shit, how would I protect all of them?
Ignoring my command, Fallon pushed past me into the room. “Mom?”
I grabbed her arms, holding her back. Who knew if the intruder was still here. I had to clear the room. Clear the house. Ensure they were safe. I hauled her out of the room and handed her off to Sadie. “Take the girls to Fallon’s room. Lock the door. I’ll come and get you when I’m sure the house is clear.”
“Dad! What happened? Is Mom okay?” Panic was in every syllable.
My voice softened slightly as I said, “She looks to be okay, Ducky, but I need you to go with Sadie. Let me handle this.”
Sadie tightened her arm around Fallon’s shoulders, drawing her down the hall. Our eyes met over my daughter’s head. Concern and fear danced in the air between us, amplified by what had happened with the snake, amplified by the memories we’d shared of just what evil was capable of doing.
I waited until Sadie pulled both girls into Fallon’s room and heard the lock click before I turned and strode back to Lauren’s bedside.
“What happened?” I demanded.
“I-I couldn’t breathe. I dreamed… I was drowning. I couldn’t get enough air. I couldn’t… As if I was Spence in the river where the tractor had fallen, pinning him in.”
The tightness in my shoulders eased. A bad dream , I thought. A damn nightmare. That’s all. She’d said someone was there, but it had only been a dream. I’d overreacted and scared everyone because of the dark memories that had haunted me tonight.
But then her next words sent a chill over my spine.
“When I w-woke up, someone was smothering me with the pillow.” She glanced toward a stray pillow at the foot of the bed, far away from the pile that surrounded her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I struggled. I kicked… And then the pressure lifted, and when I tossed the pillow away, I saw a shadow heading out of my room.”
Her gaze darted to the door I’d just entered and then back to me, wariness creeping over her.
“What the fuck? You think it was me?” I growled, taking a step back as if she’d hit me. I laughed darkly. “I was with Sadie, dealing with the aftermath of a rattlesnake placed in my bed, when we heard you scream.”
Her alarm grew as she wiped at her face. “Wh-what? A rattler? In your bed?”
I couldn’t deal with her questions. Not now. Not when whoever this was might still be in the house. “He left?” I asked. “Out your door? You’re sure?”
She nodded.
“Lock the door behind me. I’m going to search the house.”
As I turned to leave, it was to find Adam standing in the doorway. I hadn’t heard him arrive, and it disturbed me that it could just as easily have been Lauren’s attacker who’d snuck up behind us. He was dressed in perfectly unrumpled slacks and a button-down.
“What’s going on? What’s all the commotion about?” he asked.
“What the hell are you doing here at night?”
He straightened his glasses. “Not that I owe you an explanation, Rafe, but I’ve been staying in the main house since Spencer died. I didn’t like the idea of my sister and my niece being here alone.”
My eyes narrowed. “And it took you this long to respond to her scream? I was outside, and I got here faster.”
“She screamed?” He glanced at Lauren with a frown. “Are you okay?”
“Where were you?” I growled.
He scoffed. “You really think I’d hurt my sister?” When he realized I did, anger kicked in. “Screw you and the horse you rode in on. I just got back from my girlfriend’s house and was heading toward my room when I heard you making a ruckus and barking orders.”
Every hair on the back of my neck was standing up. Lies. He was telling me lies.
But he loved Lauren. Growing up, they’d had a bond that hadn’t been picked apart the way mine with Spencer had by our father. Adam had always looked out for his sister, enough to try and end me when he’d found out I’d gotten her pregnant.
I watched as he brushed past me now, striding over to Lauren who sat with her arms wrapped around her knees. He took her hand, asking quietly what had happened. She repeated her stuttered story to him while I watched the two of them. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and his brows furrowed in what seemed like genuine concern. Was it real?
I went to the attached bath, looked in the closet, and even ducked my head under the bed. When I saw no trace of anyone, I said, “We need to clear the house and then call the police and tell them someone was here.”
“Come lock the door, Lauren,” Adam said, helping her up. She wobbled, shaking like a leaf in a nightgown so thin it showed more than it hid. I averted my gaze as they came toward me. I stepped into the hall as Adam mumbled something to her. She shut the door behind us, and we both waited for the lock to turn.
“I’ll start at the top and work my way down,” Adam said.
The house wasn’t as large as it looked. Not quite the English castle it had been modeled after, but it still had a slew of unused rooms. It took us longer than I liked to clear every cubbyhole, closet, and pantry where a person could hide. Many of the spots were ones Spence and I had found playing hide-and-seek as kids, not just with my brother, but with Adam and Lauren too. Adam had been impossible to find back then, gloating in his win simply because my brother and I should have known the house better than he ever could.
By the time I met Adam again on the second-floor landing, the past had a tight grip on me again, each room a pained reminder of the people now gone from my life. My parents. The grandparents I had no memories of but who’d shaped my father. The childhood I’d both loved and loathed.
“You find anything?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
I dragged my phone from my back pocket, ready to call the police, wondering if the non-emergency number was still the same as it had been a decade and a half ago.
“If you’re calling the sheriff, I’d suggest you wait,” Adam said, pushing at his glasses again.
“Why the hell would I wait?” I demanded.
He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. “Do we even know if it really happened?” When my scowl grew, he sighed. “I hate thinking it. But there have been other incidents when she’s been on sleeping pills and painkillers.”
“Like what?”
“She cut herself with a knife while working in the kitchen and then swore someone else had done it.”
“Maybe someone did.”
Adam’s mouth dropped open, shocked. If he was acting, he was better at it than he’d ever been at anything but hiding while growing up. “Fallon was there. She saw what happened. So, unless you think Fallon was the one to cut—”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” I snarled.
“I’m just saying, I don’t doubt Lauren had a nightmare or that she woke to a pillow on her face or near her face. But I can’t trust she didn’t hallucinate the rest.”
“Well, I damn sure didn’t hallucinate the rattlesnake in my bed tonight,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at him.
His brows went up, more dazed astonishment. But the hair on the back of my neck wouldn’t lay down, warning me almost as much as the shake of the rattler’s tail had. “A snake? In your bed?”
“Someone is terrorizing my family,” I said. “Whoever it is needs to know that when I catch them, I will pull their lives apart atom by atom until there is nothing left.”
I waited until his gaze met mine so I knew he’d received the message as intended.
“Don’t act like I had anything to do with any of it,” he snapped.
I stepped closer to him, forcing him to look up, and the simple fact that he had to do so irritated him. “If you did, if you’re somehow tangled up in even a hint of this, I won’t care if you’re her brother or if your family has worked for ours for a century. I’ll hang you myself.”
“Are you threatening me? Do I need to get a restraining order?”
“It’s not a threat, Adam. It’s a goddamn promise.”
I spun on my heel and headed for Fallon’s room. The only thing Adam was right about was the fact that calling the cops was useless. If Lauren had been hallucinating, they’d never believe her, and with a hint of remorse, I realized I might not have either if I hadn’t just had my own scare.
I knocked on Fallon’s door and said, “It’s me. Open up.”
Sadie was the one to unlock the door. I pushed past her to see Fallon and Maisey, arm in arm, on my daughter’s queen-sized bed. The little girl’s room of pink and white that I’d once seen in photos had been redone. Now it was filled with rich cherrywoods and bold emeralds. Too grown up. A reminder of all I’d missed of the little girl who’d loved pink.
“It’s okay,” I told them. “No one is here.”
“Was it just another bad dream?” Fallon asked, looking like she might cry.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “Adam said she’s been hallucinating?”
Fallon pulled away from Maisey, darting a glance from her to me. That singular look told me she didn’t want to discuss this in front of even her best friend.
I turned to Sadie. “Can you take Maisey and get us all something to drink. Hot chocolate? Tea? Something soothing?”
“Sure,” Sadie said. Maisey looked at Fallon for a moment, as if she was going to say something, but then just scrambled from the bed. At the door, Sadie shot me a look demanding answers. I wasn’t sure I had them to give, but it seemed even more important that she leave, that she get the hell out of Rivers and not come back.
Once we were alone, I turned back to Fallon and watched her fiddle with the blanket. Nervous. Unsure. “What’s been going on, Fallon?”
“It started when the cow shoved her into the fence last year. She broke a few ribs and pulled some muscles in her back. She had to take some strong pain meds to get through it, and then, after Spence…” She shrugged. “She couldn’t sleep, Dad. She was like a zombie. So the doctor prescribed some sleeping pills. The nightmares and hallucinations seemed like a necessary trade-off if she got some rest and relief.”
“How many times has something like this happened? Has she hurt you?”
She shook her head but then stopped. “Did Uncle Adam tell you about the time with the knife in the kitchen?”
I nodded.
“She thought I was someone else. A stranger. She never would have hurt me if she’d known it was me.”
Acid burned up my throat. “She cut you?”
She shook her head. “No, she elbowed me out of the way, and I lost my balance. I fell and hit my head.”
I rubbed my beard. Anger at Lauren welled inside me, self-loathing cresting like a giant wave for not being someone my daughter could trust with the truth, for not being someone she could rely on.
I softened my voice as much as possible so she wouldn’t think I was upset with her. “You could have told me. I would have listened, Fallon. I should have known what was happening.”
Tears ran down her face as she shook her head. “You would have made me leave.” The words were pained, and each syllable held a crack of agony that snapped in the air. “You would have had even less reason to keep the ranch if I wasn’t here. And she needed me, Dad. She couldn’t lose me and Spence at the same time. You said it yourself. She’s barely surviving now.”
My throat closed, and I had to fight back the tears that stung my eyes. It took me several long seconds to pull myself together enough to say, “I know it feels like you’re an adult, Ducky. At your age, I would have sworn I knew everything important there was to know, but you aren’t, and you shouldn’t have to deal with adult problems and situations.” She started to protest, but I cut her off, surprising her by joining her on the bed and pulling her into my arms. It took her a minute, but eventually, she relaxed, settling her head on my shoulder. “You’re not alone, even if I made you feel that way. You’re not Buffy, Fallon. I’d never let you fight a battle to save the entire fucking world by yourself. I’m sorrier than I’ve ever been for anything in my entire life that you thought you had to.”
She sobbed. “I wanted to be able to handle it myself so I didn’t cause anyone more trouble.”
Sadie’s words from earlier, about how my daughter thought it was her fault our family was broken, returned to me.
I kissed the top of her head and squeezed her tight. “Listen to me closely. No one thinks you’re trouble. Not a single person. You were a gift we were lucky to receive. It was our job—Spence, your mom, and me—to protect you and to make sure you knew how much you were loved. I’m so damn sorry we failed you in that way. So sorry that our adult bullshit, our screwed-up relationships, landed on you and made you feel as if you were responsible for breaking us.”
My emotions leaked out, making the words deep and guttural and raw.
“I’m the one who did the breaking, Fallon. Me. Not you. Not your mom. Not even Spence.” The truth of it hit me hard. I was angry when I left the ranch, and I’d taken it out on Spence and Lauren when the person I was most angry with was myself.
I was the one who’d let down my family. I’d known Lauren really loved Spence, and I’d tried to make her mine anyway. In hindsight, leaving was probably still the best thing I could have done, because it had allowed them to love each other without always looking over their shoulder to see if I was watching and brooding and staining what they had with my own ugly emotions.
I’d achieved every damn success in my life out of spite, determined to prove to them that I didn’t need them. That I could make more money, achieve more, have more success than any of them could ever imagine. And I’d done it—done it in spades—but I’d lost my daughter, my brother, and the ranch in the process.
“I’ve tried to keep it from falling apart, Dad. I really have.”
“Again, it wasn’t your job. It was the adults in your life who needed to shoulder that responsibility. Not you. I’m sorry you felt like you had to. But I’m here now, and you won’t ever have to shoulder anything alone again. I promise you.”
She sniffed and pulled away, giving me a watery smile. “Does that mean you’ll let me keep the ranch?”
A strangled laugh escaped me because she was so smart and savvy and so like me that it made me ache. “I can’t promise you that yet. But I will promise to look at where everything stands and what it would take to make it viable, even if it means turning it into some damn dude ranch. Can I ask you to promise me something back?”
She looked nervous but nodded.
“I want you to consider what your life might be like if you left the ranch someday.” She started to shake her head and protest, but I cut her off. “You’re too young not to explore all your options and all the possibilities this big world has for you. I don’t want you to get trapped into this life and someday look back and resent it. I don’t want you to regret never allowing yourself to have any other dreams simply because you thought you needed to make Spence and Lauren’s dreams your own.”
When she looked away and down, I knew I’d hit upon a portion of the truth. She didn’t want this to fail because she didn’t want Spencer’s dreams to wither away.
“And if this is what I really want?” she asked.
God. Would I keep the dying dinosaur alive just so she could have what she wanted most? Wouldn’t any good father give his child the moon if they asked for it?
“Let’s both just promise to look into all the possibilities for now.”
A knock on her door was followed by Maisey and Sadie walking in, each carrying two mugs. The smell of steamed milk and melted chocolate drifted through the room. I rose from the bed, letting Maisey take my spot. She distracted Fallon, telling her how Sadie had made the hot chocolate from scratch and how it tasted a million times better than anything from a package she’d ever had, even better than the one at the coffee shop downtown.
I recognized the constant chatter as Maisey’s way of easing her friend’s worry, and I appreciated the teen even more than I had before when I’d seen her as the counterbalance to Fallon’s energy.
When I took a cup from Sadie, our hands brushed, and heat zipped along my nerve endings. When I met her gaze, I could practically see the hundred questions she had floating in her eyes.
Sadie and I drank our hot chocolate in near silence, listening to the girls instead. When it was clear everyone had calmed down, that the tears and fear had been taken over by talk of high school and boys, I felt it was time to leave before I lost my cool—this time over the idea of some hormonal teen putting the moves on my daughter.
“I’m going to sleep in the guest room across the hall tonight,” I told Fallon. “I’ll be right here if you need anything. There’s no one in the house who shouldn’t be, but I still would like it if you slept with your door locked for the next few nights. And we all need to make sure the house doors are kept locked at all times.”
She nodded.
“I’m going to help Sadie clean up the kitchen first, but I’ll be back up.”
A knowing smirk lit Fallon’s lips, and I realized again just how savvy my daughter was. She’d clearly read the energy that existed between Sadie and me. But what Fallon didn’t know was that I was more determined than ever to send Sadie away as soon as possible. If I could, I’d ship Fallon off too. I’d get them as far away from me and the ranch as I could to ensure nothing touched them.
Somehow, I had the feeling it would be easier to send my daughter away than it would be to send the fiery fae who’d snuck into my life like a thistle works its way amongst the hay. And just like the weed, Sadie would be determined to stick. Reedy and strong, she’d be impossible to pluck out without taking some of my skin along with it.