Chapter Thirty-one – Say Don’t Go
Chapter Thirty-one
Sadie
SAY DON’T GO
Performed by Taylor Swift
I felt Rafe pulling farther and farther away with every second that passed. I stood next to him while the EMTs tried and failed to revive the man I learned was the same one who’d followed me to the ranch. I was there as Sheriff Wylee arrived and questioned Rafe and his men just as he had the night before. And I watched as Rafe told the truth and yet still held something back. Every question the sheriff sent Rafe’s way, he answered curtly, keeping his responses brief and to the point.
My spine tingled as he and Lorenzo and their men all echoed the same damn responses in a polished and practiced way.
Rafe and Lorenzo had been in an intense discussion when I’d approached. What had they said that had somehow ended with them drawing some strange truce? Was it the same things Lorenzo had told me when he’d brought me a glass of champagne? Or was it something more?
The wedding party, disrupted by the sounds of the sirens, started to filter out of the marquee. When Marielle came out, she was in tears, and Lorenzo apologized profusely before the groom led her away, all the while glaring at my cousin. Already unsettled, Lorenzo’s face turned nearly ashen as he watched Nero’s body being taken away in a black bag.
Wylee had demanded the guest list, thinking anyone on it could have been a suspect, before Lorenzo explained what Nero’s last words had been. And when I heard that Adam’s girlfriend was Theresa, I’d felt my legs go weak. Adam’s hatred for Rafe took on a whole new meaning, fueled by not only the wrongs he felt the Harringtons had committed against the Hurlys, but now Theresa’s personal vendetta against Rafe for sending her twin to prison.
In the dark, it was impossible to find and follow the blood trail Nero had left behind to the original crime scene, so Wylee had crime scene tape set up and said they’d be back at first light with more men and search dogs. Then, he followed Steele to Levi’s cabin to go through the video taken by the cameras they’d set up.
When Lauren led Fallon and Maisey back to the main house with Parker trailing them, Rafe demanded I go with them, but I didn’t. I waited at his side, hoping there would be a moment when he’d let the cold, commanding Rafe I’d first met slide away, and I’d see again the man who’d laughed at me, teased me, told me he loved me.
But even hours later, when the yard was empty, except for the crime scene tape and a sheriff deputy guarding it until morning, Rafe still hadn’t let go of the wall he’d reassembled.
He’d closed every window and door, and I couldn’t get past, no matter how hard I knocked.
Instead of stopping at his room in the main house, he all but dragged me up to my bedroom on the next floor. Once we were inside, I put my arms around him, pulled him close, and rested my head on his chest. I heard the discordant beat of his heart under my ear, loud, jagged, as if he was running a mile.
I almost knew what he was going to say before he did, not only because he hadn’t put his arms around me in return but because I’d felt him drifting away over the last few hours.
“I’m asking you for another favor, Sadie. I want you to take Fallon with you tomorrow. Get her as far away from this as possible. I don’t want her near me until we find Adam and Theresa. Once I’m sure I can protect her, I’ll come and get her.”
I lifted my head, resting my chin on his chest as I looked up at him. “You’ll come and get her and then try to vanquish me from your life.”
His teeth slid over each other. The grinding sound should have been almost impossible to hear, but in the quiet of the room, it sounded like an alarm. The clanging ring of a gate slamming shut.
“What do you want me to say, Sadie? Our lives were always a million miles apart in more than just physical distance. This isn’t going to work, and I won’t be responsible for dragging you into my screwed-up life. If I had a choice, I’d separate myself from Fallon too, but she’ll always be a target as my daughter. I have to keep her close to ensure she’s protected, but I’ll be damned if I choose to bring someone else into it. Not when it’s easy enough to keep you out of it.”
God, did that hurt—the idea of being easy enough to toss away. I knew he didn’t really mean it. I knew he’d meant the I love you. But still, my heart throbbed.
“I see. And what if I don’t agree? What if I see a million ways our lives are impossibly twined now? What if I know, deep in my heart, just as you do, that we’re supposed to be together? That this is where I’m supposed to be?”
He scoffed. “I don’t have the time or effort to spend on protecting someone other than Fallon. You don’t belong here. You have a family and a business that needs you in Tennessee.”
“I have a man I love who needs me more!”
His eyes barely flickered as he kept every emotion pushed behind the same wall I’d first encountered a week ago. “I don’t need you. I may want you. May hunger for you. But I don’t need you.”
It was another slap to my face. A slap that stung more than if he’d actually hit me.
“You just told me you loved me! People who love each other need each other!”
“I was wrong,” he said as coldly and cruelly as possible.
Even though I knew why he was doing it, even though I knew the words weren’t true, they still wounded me. It tore me apart to do it, but I dragged my body from his, putting the physical distance between us he’d wanted for hours now.
I inhaled, trying to calm myself down, trying to calm him down. “Look, I understand why you’re upset—”
“Upset doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling.”
We’d done this dance before. It felt like everything we’d done was some big circle, repeating until we finally got it right. And this wasn’t right.
“Okay, fine. You’re furious. You want to kill someone with your own hands. But don’t you get it? I feel the same damn way! I love you! I don’t want you suffering like this, taking the blame for things outside your control. And I definitely don’t want you sending me away because you think it’s the only way to protect me.”
“I’m not arguing with you about this. You’re going. Whether you take Fallon or not, this is where it ends for us. Right here. Tonight.”
I stepped closer and was surprised when he took a step back. It trapped him against the door, and I took advantage of it, putting my hands on either side of him, a mirror of how he’d trapped me this morning in the safe. “No.”
His nostrils flared, gaze settling on my mouth for two beats, and his throat bobbed. When his hands settled on my waist, I thought maybe I’d won. That maybe I’d gotten through to him by just reminding him of the neurons flaring between us whenever we stood this close. Instead, he lifted me with ease and placed me aside, opening the door, and stepping out into the hallway. I followed him, but he placed a palm to my chest, shoving me back into the room.
“I know it’s too much to ask after I’ve just told you we’re done, but I need an answer. Will you take Fallon for a few days?” I wondered how I’d ever seen the cold reserve he’d had in the booth that first night as the real Rafe. Now, all I could see was the passionate man who came alive with a barely lit match. The man who was hiding behind the ice. All I needed to do was melt it in order to reach him.
But I also knew the Rafe in front of me wasn’t just holding that wall up because he was unwilling to bend. He needed that icy front so he wouldn’t fall apart. So he could do the things he needed to do for his family. Fine, I’d let him have it for tonight. I’d let him hold it for the few days we were apart. But he had to come get his daughter, and when he did, I’d be ready. I’d have an entirely rational plan assembled on how and why we worked and all the reasons we belonged together.
He didn’t know how determined I could be when I wanted something.
And I wanted him.
“Of course I’ll take Fallon. She’ll always be welcome with me.”
“Thank you.” It was guttural and torn, just as I knew his insides were at this moment. He shifted, removing the hand from my chest, briefly stroking my cheek with a finger before spinning on his heel and heading down the hall without another word.
I shut the door with a shaky hand. Emotions flooded me, threatening tears, but I didn’t let them fall because they were unnecessary. We weren’t done. We weren’t over. He’d see. He may be accustomed to family letting him walk away, but he’d learn Hatleys didn’t give up on the people they loved. He was mine. I was his. The rest of the noise buzzing around us was just that. White noise. Useless and irrelevant.
? ? ?
It was Parker who knocked on my door the next morning just as I’d finished packing and not Rafe. When we made our way downstairs, Fallon and Lauren were hugging each other in the entryway. When I asked, they told me Rafe had already said goodbye to his daughter and then joined the sheriff’s team following the trail of blood the dead man had left behind him.
I wasn’t surprised, but it still stung. I wanted to send him a scathing text saying it was both cowardly and revealing that he’d avoided me. But I was saving up all my arguments for the big battle to come. The one that really mattered. The ever after I wasn’t letting him walk away from.
Parker grabbed my bags before I could protest, heading out to the SUV where Noah waited behind the wheel. Fallon’s face was all stubborn annoyance as she whirled away from her mother and followed him into the parking lot.
Lauren shocked me by holding me back and giving me a brief hug. “I know I said it last night, Sadie, but thank you.” She wiped tears from her cheeks. “For opening our eyes and for bringing us back to life.” Her gaze traveled over to her daughter, climbing into the back seat of the SUV. “It’s strange how certain I am that she’ll be safe with you. How I know you’ll defend her with your life, just like Rafe or I would or Spence would have.” She turned back to me. “In some ways, I think she’ll be better off with you than she’s been with me for the last year.”
The tears that had pricked my eyes when Rafe left my room last night returned.
“She’ll never be better off with me than with her parents,” I said softly.
Lauren searched my face, as if unsure if I really meant my words, before saying, “You really believe that. It’s one of the things I like about you. Your dogged positivity. You’ll need it if you want to keep Rafe. He’s going to try to push you away. Don’t let him.”
“He’s already tried,” I told her the truth.
“I sensed that this morning when he said goodbye to Fallon but refused to stick around to see you off. He thinks he’s doing it for your own good. He thought leaving Fallon with Spence and me was for our own good too, and we let him. None of us tried to stop him. Not me or Spencer, and especially not their dad. We didn’t show Rafe how much we loved and needed him because we were too caught up in our own baggage. By the time we realized our mistake, it was too late. He rebuffed any attempts Spence made over the years to bring him back in. He spent holidays alone rather than coming home. Don’t let him do that again. I’m begging you.”
The ache I’d felt for the entirety of this week for each of them returned at full wattage. But the sorrow I felt for the man I loved exceeded anything I’d ever known. All I could do from here was promise he’d never spend a single holiday alone ever again.
? ? ?
I’d never flown on a private plane, but I’d always imagined them draped in luxury, with soft leather couches, private bedrooms, and expensive linens. Rafe’s plane seemed overly simple, lacking any of the flourishes that had been present in his suite at The Fortress. It had eight seats in two groups of four that faced each other over shared tables, a plain bathroom, and no bedroom in sight.
When I’d asked about it, Fallon said Rafe had wanted a plane that was small and fuel-efficient so the carbon footprint he left behind was as minimal as possible. And those words exposed another piece of Rafe I hadn’t known—the man concerned about the environment.
As soon as we took off, Fallon put in her earbuds and lost herself in a show, and Parker pulled out a laptop, saying he had a paper to write. Before he could dive in, I leaned in and said as quietly as I could so I didn’t disturb Fallon, “I didn’t realize you were coming with us.”
“It’s just a precaution. No one thinks either of you will be in danger now that you’ve left the ranch.”
“My brother is the county sheriff, my sister-in-law is ex-NSA and works for him now, and my eldest brother has had a whole host of security added to the ranch after some incidents over the last few years. Fallon will be safe with us.” I wanted to believe that. I had to. Especially when Lauren’s faith in me this morning had only raised the stakes.
Parker nodded. “Dad gave me the rundown on your situation.”
I bit back my irritation at knowing they’d talked about me and my family behind my back, because I understood why they’d done it. Rafe’s life had spun wildly out of hand, and he was looking for every way possible to reel it back in. If it made him feel better to send his friend’s son with us, it was fine. Hell, if he wanted to send an entire Navy SEAL team, I’d take it.
“Have they heard anything more about Adam’s and Theresa’s whereabouts?” I asked.
“Dad finally uncovered one of Adam’s bank accounts in Mexico early this morning. Someone pulled money from it at an ATM in Puerto Vallarta yesterday. They believe it was Adam, but there were no cameras to validate it. If Theresa is smart, she’ll join him, and they’ll head for a non-extradition country.”
Something was eating at the back of my brain. Something that didn’t fit with what he’d told me or what I’d learned. If Adam had so much money, why had he wanted Carolyn’s jewelry? Had he simply wanted to keep it out of the ranch’s coffer so it couldn’t stop it from going belly up? Was that the real reason he hadn’t wanted me to tell Lauren about it? He’d wanted his share of the ranch, according to Fallon, but had it been simply to sell it off to Lorenzo for much less than it was worth when it went bankrupt? Even failing, thousands of acres of land in California would have added a cushy number to his bottom line.
But it still bugged me that I didn’t know the answers. It had me pulling at all the loose threads, trying to find which one would unravel it all. But we might never find it unless Adam was found, arrested, and tried.
Parker turned back to his laptop. In the silence that took over, I had nothing to do but ponder my life, Rafe’s last words, and the uneasy feeling inside me that increased with each mile that grew between him and me. I wanted to be back with him. I wanted to start soothing the wounds Rafe hid better than I’d ever hidden the scars on my leg.
When the jet landed at a private airport an hour and a half from Willow Creek, I expected to find Mama waiting after I’d called her, but instead Ryder was in the arrivals lounge. My brother’s dark-brown hair was ruffled from the cowboy hat he was spinning in his hand. The beard he’d kept since Gia had come into his life was neat, carefully sculpted, and his blue eyes that matched mine pierced me from across the small waiting room.
In his T-shirt with the Hatley Family Ranch logo, worn jeans, and scuffed boots, he looked exactly the rancher he was. His skin was tanned from years spent more outdoors than in, and his smile was large and real when he saw me.
“Sassypants,” he said, pulling me into him for a hug that felt much more intense than it should have been for the handful of days I’d been gone.
When he let me go, I introduced him to Fallon and Parker. He shook both their hands. “Nice to meet you.” Then he looked at me with a raised brow. “Is he coming too?”
“For a few days at least,” I said.
As the four of us made our way to the exit, Ryder kept shooting me and Parker glances, and I suddenly realized my brother thought Parker was there for me. I almost snorted. I hadn’t once thought of Parker as anything but a kid, but in truth, he and I were probably a lot closer in age than Rafe and me. Add in his muscled, good looks, and I could see why Ryder would think it. But all it did was make the nauseated feeling in my stomach grow.
There was only one man I wanted, and he’d done his best to temporarily push me away.
In the parking lot, Ryder led us to Gia’s SUV, and I was glad he’d had the foresight to bring it instead of his work truck. When Fallon opened the back door, he stopped her. “Sorry, let me get the baby’s car seat out of there. I didn’t know there’d be three of you.”
“You’ve got a car seat for the baby already?” The shocked disbelief in my voice had Ryder smiling.
“Planning ahead, Sads.”
“You’re having a baby?” Fallon asked, and Ryder’s face morphed into a smile so large it could swallow the entire state.
“In November,” he said as if it was tomorrow.
“Congratulations. After seeing and helping hundreds of baby horses and cows come into this world, I’ve decided I’m never having any,” Fallon said with a shudder.
I bit my lip in an attempt not to laugh, because I knew she was serious, but I also knew she had plenty of time to change her mind a million times over. Hell, I was nine years older than her and still had plenty of time to change mine too. I’d never given much thought to having kids, but the idea of making a baby with Rafe, of having his child…it had longing swirling through me.
It was something else I wasn’t going to let him miss out on. A baby he got to help raise instead of one he kept at a distance for their own good.
Parker leaned his head back on the seat rest, closed his eyes, and seemed to fall asleep almost as soon as we left the parking lot. Fallon pulled out her earbuds once again and stared out the window as we left the airport and the larger city behind.
The roads quickly turned small and windy, drifting through the flat farmland, into the hills and valleys that I’d called home for twenty-three years.
Ryder’s voice was barely a whisper when he finally spoke. Anger and concern leached into each syllable. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell us you were shot at?”
My heart skipped a beat. “How did you hear about it?”
“Rafe Marquess called me this morning.”
A million thoughts ran through my head, including how much I loved Rafe for wanting to look out for me and how furious I was for him telling my family what I’d chosen not to. I wasn’t sure why he’d sent Fallon with me if he’d already assumed I couldn’t protect her. It was why he’d sent Parker with us too. But then again, maybe he was right. Maybe I couldn’t protect her. Maybe I’d end up sending her running to defend herself with her own smarts, just like I once had Mila.
The doubts and regrets I had seeped into me and caused my tone to be sharp when I responded. “He had no right to call you.”
“What the hell happened while you were in California, Sadie?”
I rubbed my forehead. Where to start? I’d lied to my family and kept secrets. Sure, I’d done it because I was protecting them the same way Rafe was protecting me and Fallon by sending us away. But in the end, all it had done was keep us from sharing important things with the people we loved.
“Honestly, I should just tell everyone at the same time. Don’t make me say it twice,” I said, suddenly more tired than I could explain.
He rubbed a hand over his beard, jaw working in a way that reminded me so much of Rafe I almost wanted to cry. My brother and Rafe had a lot of similarities. They were both men who’d held the world and love at bay. Proud men who protected those they loved with a fierceness that was borderline controlling, but who also showered those same people with gifts and affection and laughter.
Except, Rafe might have forgotten how important laughter was. Even at his growly worst, Ryder had known how to laugh with his family. Rafe hadn’t had that chance because he’d barred himself from their lives.
“You better text everyone to meet us at the ranch, then,” Ryder said. “Because I won’t wait much longer to find out what’s been going on.”
At least Ryder knew when to back down and let me have my way. Maybe it was because he’d known me longer than Rafe. The man I loved still hadn’t learned I always did what I said I’d do, just like I always kept my promises. I’d promised him all my last dances, and I intended for him to have them. I wasn’t letting him renege on the deal we’d negotiated any more than I was letting him take back the I love you he’d handed me.