Chapter 21
Hope stood and stared at herself in the small mirror in their bathroom, wiping at her face with a damp washcloth.
She’d been sick all morning, having sent Gus off to work and telling him that she’d be fine after resting, but the queasy feeling at the bottom of her stomach wasn’t going away, and it had been replaced by a feeling of pure dread.
There was no other explanation for how sick she’d been or how tired she felt, or how tender her breasts were when she prodded them.
Not when combined with the fact that she hadn’t had her monthly courses in…
She tried to think back and remember when the last time had been.
Was it two months? They’d been so busy since she’d arrived, as if they were in their own little world, but she should have realised sooner.
She should have been more careful, they both should, and now she didn’t know what to do.
I’m pregnant.
Even thinking it in her own head was terrifying, but to say it out loud, to tell Gus…
Hope groaned and sank to the floor, the tiles cool against her skin.
This was not part of her plan. For years she’d told herself that she wouldn’t be married or pregnant until she decided she wanted to be, but here she was, expecting a baby when she most definitely hadn’t planned for one.
Gus had spoken of marriage, but she’d wanted him to ask her when he was ready, for them both to choose what they wanted rather than being forced into a decision.
Hope leaned her head back against the wall and thought through her options, but the truth was that she couldn’t make a decision without Gus. As much as she didn’t want to tell him, she knew she had to.
‘Hope?’
She heard the door close as Gus called out. Hope wanted to stand and quickly check her appearance, to act as if nothing was wrong, but suddenly she couldn’t pull herself up off the floor.
‘Hope?’ Gus’s voice was full of alarm as he found her on the floor, his expression showing every bit of his concern. ‘What’s happened? Do I need to call the doctor?’
She reached for him and he dropped to the floor beside her as the words she needed to say clogged in her throat.
‘Hope—’
‘Gus,’ she whispered, holding his fingers tight in hers. ‘I’m…’ The words wouldn’t come.
His eyes searched hers and she made herself say it before she completely lost her nerve. Blurted out the words before she could overthink them.
‘Gus, I’m pregnant.’
She was greeted with silence. Gus looked away, not letting her see his reaction, and pain burned like fire in her chest. This was worse than the nausea, worse than her worries; this was pure fear, that he was going to hate her for what she’d just told him.
‘Say something,’ she whispered, urgently, needing to hear his voice. ‘Please, Gus. Just—’
‘We’re having a baby?’ he asked, as if he’d only just heard what she’d told him.
‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘We’re having a baby.’
His eyes met hers. ‘We’re having a baby,’ he whispered again.
Hope nodded, hardly able to believe the words herself, wishing she knew what he was thinking when his blue eyes were so difficult to read. But she knew how he felt—it had been just as much of a shock to her, too.
They stared at each other for a long moment, Hope wishing he’d say more, and Gus looking as if he’d been stunned into silence, before he wrapped his arms tightly around her and held her to his chest.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ she mumbled against his chest. ‘I don’t want you to feel trapped, I don’t—’
‘Shhh,’ he said, stroking his fingers down her back and then rubbing in big circles. ‘You could never make me feel trapped, Hope. Haven’t I told you a hundred times that I love you? Haven’t I already told you that nothing would make me happier than having you as my wife one day?’
She nodded, still tucked into him as her heart began to pound just a little slower.
‘But—’
‘There’s no but,’ he said, taking her hand and lifting it to his lips. ‘There is just you and me, and the life we’ve created growing inside you. It’s as simple as that.’
Gus was saying everything she needed to hear, but Hope’s heart was still racing, her mouth still dry as she tried to find the right words and failed.
She could barely comprehend the fact that she was expecting, that in a matter of months she would be a mother and everything about their life would change.
They sat like that for what felt like forever, before Hope broke the silence.
‘Gus, why did you come home?’ she asked, leaning back a little so she could study his face. It was getting cold on the floor, and she burrowed closer to him. But when she saw the way his expression changed, she felt ice cold all over again. ‘Why aren’t you at work?’
He hadn’t come home to see if she was feeling better. It was written all over his face.
‘I came home to tell you that we have a problem,’ he said, his thumb tracing a gentle circle against her skin.
Hope froze. What kind of problem would bring him home in the middle of the day?
But when she saw the way his throat bobbed as she studied him, felt his body stiffen, she knew. She knew there was only one reason that he would look so pained, that he would be so worried.
‘They know, don’t they?’ she whispered, closing her eyes as she tried not to panic. ‘How did they find out?’
Gus shrugged. ‘I don’t know, but my father confronted me this morning. His face was like thunder and he threatened to report me, and he demanded to know where our distillery is.’
‘Did you tell him?’
‘No! I didn’t tell him anything, but someone must have given us away. There’s no other way he could have figured it out, I’ve been so careful, but he even knew who we were selling the finished product to in Paris.’
Hope’s breath shuddered out of her as Gus’s words sank in. ‘He knows that I’m involved?’
Gus nodded. ‘He does. I would have left you out of it but he’d already guessed, and…’
He didn’t need to finish his sentence for her to know what he was going to say.
His parents hadn’t liked her anyway, and they certainly wouldn’t like her now.
No matter what Gus told them, they’d more than likely think she was the one who’d corrupted him.
She’d be blamed for everything they’d done, a scapegoat to explain away what their son was involved in.
‘What do we do now?’ Hope asked, protectively placing one hand over her still-flat stomach.
‘Honestly, Hope, I don’t know,’ Gus said, holding her close. ‘I need some time to think, to work out a plan, but if he finds out where our distillery is…’
Hope closed her eyes and huddled even closer to Gus.
She’d always appreciated his honesty, but just this one time, just once, she could have done with him telling her a lie to sooth her worries.