Chapter Nineteen
‘So, you’re meeting Meg?’ says Cormac. He seems a little suspicious, not helped by the fact that I’ve changed into my cute green shirt with the collar and I’m spraying on aftershave. He perches on the bed. ‘Where you going?’
Keep the lies small.
‘Not sure. It’s a surprise.’
‘Ooooh, exciting times in the life of Michael Kenny.’ Cormac lies back on the bed. ‘See you later? Might see if Paul’s about.’
I stumble as I head for the door. ‘Yep. See ya.’
I power-walk down the hill and rap on Paul’s door. No answer. I check my phone but there’s no message.
He’s stood you up.
I roll my eyes. This is not a date so therefore I can’t be stood up.
This is just one friend running slightly late to meet the other by…
four minutes and twelve seconds. I’ll give it ten minutes before sending a casual ‘Hey I’m here, outside your front door, where you said to meet, for a surprise, but no rush lol’-type message.
Something easy-going and the opposite of my anxious state.
I check my phone again. Five minutes and—
‘All right?’
And there he is, coming up the path with that damn smile. He’s wearing a light blue sweatshirt and dark blue jeans. A red backpack hangs over one shoulder.
Effortlessly hot.
‘I had to get something.’
‘No worries. How’s it going?’ I wave and he leans in at the same time for a quick hug. His breath is hot on my neck for the briefest of seconds and I suppress the giddy shiver that ripples down my chest.
‘I’m good, yeah. Ready for your surprise?’
Please don’t faint.
I nod because I don’t trust the medium of speech.
‘Good. Well, get ready for a hike. It’s up there.’ He gestures with his perfectly toned and tanned arm, beyond the top of the estate, to the mountain.
I nearly slip a few times as we head up the mountain path. As we pass through a gap in the fence, I see a steep footway worn into the grass. I start sweating.
Why did I wear green? Pit stain alert!
I tie my jacket round my waist and follow Paul, placing my feet where his have been. ‘Much further?’
He turns back and flashes a grin. ‘Nah. I can’t believe you’ve never been up here.’
‘Yeah, weird.’ As a child I’d daydream about the dragons and elves that might live on the other side of the mountains that tower above the estate. Even now, I can’t quite picture what lies beyond the point where the mountain touches the sky.
‘Don’t look at the view yet,’ says Paul, as we turn and start walking along a verge in the opposite direction. I steal my eyes away from the city. I can sense the space on the right side of my body though. It’s like the world is getting bigger and bigger.
There’s a comfortable silence between us, mostly because I’m having to take deep breaths to sustain this objectively easy walk. I need to join a gym.
Never!
The day is still bright, but in an hour or so it will be dusk and I worry about how we’ll get back down in the dark. I trust Paul though.
My hero.
I snort a laugh that I turn into a cough as he looks back.
We pass through another fence. ‘Here we are,’ he says, smiling.
We’re in a field. It’s flat enough that we must be quite near the top of the mountain. In the middle is a single tree. An oak, I think.
‘Nice,’ I say, and my cheeks stretch from my smile.
‘Check out the view.’
I turn my head and I fully gasp. The view from Nanny Bet’s house is pretty good, but this is incredible.
I can see the entire city, nestled in a valley, starting with the estate beneath us and stretching out east to the mountain on the other side.
There are stadiums, graveyards, long twisting carriageways, a few tower blocks and the twinkling glass of the buildings in the town centre.
Through it all, cars move like multicoloured ants.
‘Wow.’
Paul is grinning. ‘Pretty sweet, right?’
‘I…’ My chest expands as I take a deep breath. All tension from the uphill trek falls away. ‘It’s beautiful.’
‘Surprise,’ he says.
Butterflies are raving in my stomach as I turn to face him. ‘Thank you.’
‘No worries. Wanted to show you my favourite spot.’ He winks and I remember the first time he did it, at the party. ‘Let’s sit by the tree.’
As I follow him, there’s a lightness in me that I haven’t felt for days. It’s not just the giddiness from being with a hot guy. Up here, far from family, memories and crows, I feel free. I needed this.
We sit under the probably oak tree. Part of me wants to worry about staining my jeans, but I decide to push that away. Today I am going to be someone who doesn’t care about grass stains or getting tree sap on my cute green T-shirt.
‘Beer?’ Paul asks, reaching into his bag.
I shouldn’t.
‘Sure.’
We tap tins and I take a sip. It’s not very cold and the bitterness makes me blink, but today I’m going to be the type of person that can have a beer with Paul. We lean against the tree and our elbows touch.
Screw you, tree sap!
‘Settling in OK?’ he asks, staring straight ahead.
‘Yeah, not too bad.’ Aside from discovering I’m from an ancient line of goddess-serving death poets.
‘Nice one. Cormac’s really happy you’re here. He always talks about you.’
I blush. ‘What, seriously?’
‘Yeah! You’re his cool cousin from London. Never shuts up about you.’
Meg said the same thing. ‘It’s nice spending time with him.’
‘Even if he farts up the bedroom?’ says Paul.
I choke on the beer and spray it out of my nose, which sets Paul off. We lose ourselves in laughter. I wipe at the beer on my chin.
‘You’re funny,’ he says.
The compliment lights me up. ‘What? No, I just can’t drink properly.’
He laughs again. ‘See, you are.’
‘Thanks.’
‘You’re really sound too. Like what you said the other day, about me and Ellen…’
‘Oh, sorry. I—’
‘No, seriously, you told me what I needed to hear.’ We lock eyes. ‘Thank you.’
The sun is starting to set and there’s a golden glow on his tanned skin. ‘That’s OK.’
‘You’re a good friend.’
Yup, that’s me.
My stomach has a boulder in it. ‘Oh, you too.’
‘That’s why I brought you here. I wanted to say thanks.’ He looks out over the city. ‘I even apologised properly to Ellen.’
Oh hip hip hoo-fucking-ray.
I pull at some grass. ‘Great, that’s really great. You back together?’
‘No, but we have history. It’s hard to let go.’ He sits back against the tree and our elbows touch again, but I can’t relax. His body feels too warm now, too dangerous. What was I thinking? That this straight guy who just broke up with his girlfriend was bringing me here for a romantic picnic.
‘I know about you, by the way,’ he says.
His words are soft, but I freeze. I stare straight ahead. My powers. How the fuck does he know about my powers?
‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘I don’t know if it’s something you talk about but…’ He takes a sip of his beer. ‘I know you’re gay, or bi, or whatever.’
I let out the breath I’ve been holding. It’s just that I’m gay.
Is that better or…? I’m sweating again.
He takes another drink. ‘I want you to know that I know and it’s cool and…’ He drains his can. ‘Because I want you to be able to be yourself around me.’ He glances at me. ‘Is that OK to say?’
I’ve definitely stopped breathing. I can’t actually believe this is happening. Should I lie? Laugh it off. Make a joke. But why? I want you to be able to be yourself around me. That’s all I want for myself. ‘Yeah, it’s definitely OK.’
‘Cool.’
‘I haven’t told my family yet though.’
He nods. ‘I guessed. I won’t say anything.’ He smiles, not a cheeky, flirty smile; a nice one. ‘Don’t you think they know?’
I shrug. ‘Probably…definitely. I was worried about Cormac at first as he wouldn’t shut up about girls, but now he’s making all these hints.’
‘Then he knows.’
My neck burns. ‘Oh, really?
‘Yeah, he’s not subtle, is he? You should tell him before he decorates his room with pride flags.’
I snort. He so would.
‘So you don’t think he’ll have a problem with me?’
‘Nah, the opposite. There’s a gay fella in our year. He got a bit of hassle from a few dickheads, but Cormac stood up to them.’
I blink. ‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah. Cormac did his drama practical with him. Niall, nice fella. Smart, like you.’
My cheeks burn and Paul grins. ‘Just be warned that when you do come out to Cormac, he will one hundred per cent try to set you two up.’
I laugh. ‘Good to know.’ I stretch my arms. ‘Well, thanks. It’s never easy to talk to straight guys about being…gay. You know?’
Paul looks away and I have the horrible sensation that I’ve said something wrong. He stares at his feet. A breath of wind rustles the leaves and goosebumps ripple up my arm.
‘Paul? You OK?’
When he speaks it’s almost a whisper. ‘Honestly, I don’t know what I am.’
I’m too afraid to speak. It’s like he’s handed me something fragile and I don’t want to break it.
‘Oh?’
He bites his lip. The confidence, the cockiness, is gone.
I see him.
We don’t blink. His eyes have flecks of sunset caught in them. Is he holding his breath as well?
What do I do?
Do I make a move?
He smiles slightly, leans in.
I open my mouth and that’s when the pain erupts in my head.
The screech of crows fills my ears as far below us, a blinding tower of light rises from the city.