Chapter 8
EIGHT
MARK
Mark was enjoying the snooker match on the television, but suddenly realised that the final would be televised the following evening and was tempted to decline his invitation to Alice’s dinner.
It felt ridiculous to feel this unsettled about attending a dinner party, but it had been years since he had sat around a table chatting to strangers. In fact, he was not sure he ever had. Nights out or casual dinner invites had only ever included close friends or neighbours.
Diane would organise the whole thing, whether it be drinks and nibbles or a sit-down meal. Even then, it would be an informal affair, with something like a huge lasagne in the middle of the table and some nice wine.
He supposed there would be a lot of small talk; after all none of the guests knew each other. Maybe they would talk about hobbies or travel. He wasn’t sure what would be the topic of conversation, but they would almost certainly talk about their families.
Then he would tell them about losing Diane and they would awkwardly offer their platitudes. He would be asked if he was okay, and how was he managing? Of course they would mean well, but all the same he would be marked out as different. Someone people pitied. He had no desire to be pitied.
He sighed deeply as he watched a snooker player clear the table with a score of one hundred and twenty. The party was still a day away, yet he could already feel his stomach churning over at the thought of it.
He worried that refusing the invitation at this late date would be rude, maybe even selfish.
Perhaps Alice was lonely too. Was he lonely?
Or did he simply enjoy being alone? He still had his friends at the marina whenever he felt the desire to socialise.
But he had to admit that it was less frequent these days.
He tidied away his plate, the microwave curry a little better than he had expected. Maybe it would be nice to enjoy a home-cooked meal.
Perhaps he was worrying over nothing, and it would be just fine. He could just listen more than chat as he had always been a good listener. He would compliment Alice on her food, maybe even leave early, on the pretence of an early start in the morning. A few hours and it would all be over.
It would be the first party he would be going to without Diane, and he knew he ought to embrace it. Did he really want to spend the rest of his life in solitude, despite the feeling of nerves that refused to go away?
When Diane had been by his side she would carry the conversation, and put him at his ease. Tomorrow it would just be him. He could imagine his wife telling him to enjoy his evening, and that it would do him good to get to know his neighbours. And, of course, she would be right.
Mark hated how being alone made him overthink everything. When Diane was here, he would breeze through his days, and if he ever did have a slight worry about something, she would always reassure him.
‘One day at a time,’ she would tell him if he worried about something in the future.
He decided he would take her advice. Let tomorrow come, with its own challenges. For now, he would just enjoy this evening. He smiled to himself as he headed to the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge and carry on watching the snooker match.