Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
MARK
Mark was satisfied that Alice was on the mend. She had eaten all of the chicken stew he had made, and even a little bread.
Jess, Declan and Mark had a group chat now to make sure one of them popped in regularly to check on Alice.
To the point of her having to shoo them away after complaining that she had no chance of recovering if her sleep was constantly disturbed, albeit with a grateful smile on her face. So he’d left her to it a little.
Despite her assurances that she never needed anything, Mark was just heading out to the newsagent to buy a magazine for Alice, when he noticed someone step out of a red car.
‘Lynn, what are you doing here?’ asked Mark, shocked, yet pleased to see his sister standing in front of him.
He hadn’t recognised the car parked outside the block of apartments, as the last time they had spoken her car had been black. It was a reminder of how quickly time passes, and how quickly things can change.
They stood facing each other for a few seconds, before Mark threw his arms around his sister.
‘Maybe we ought to go inside.’ She smiled.
In his flat, Mark made coffee, and as they chatted she revealed the real reason for her visit.
‘It’s Mum,’ she said, cupping her coffee cup.
‘What about her?’ was all Mark could think to say.
‘She’s in hospital,’ Lynn told him.
Mark admonished himself for selfishly thinking that she had come to see him out of a genuine desire to do so. He had hardly done anything to rectify things between them, after all.
‘What happened?’ asked Mark, thinking that maybe his mother had suffered a fall.
‘She has recently been diagnosed with dementia,’ said Lynn, sighing deeply and placing her cup down onto a coffee table. ‘She was staying with me, but things are a bit difficult. Social services are looking for a suitable home for her to settle into as she appears to be getting worse.’
Mark wasn’t sure how he ought to react to the news. He felt a wave of regret as well as guilt that Lynn was shouldering the burden of caring for her.
‘Dementia?’ he said, quietly absorbing the news.
‘Yes. I suspected as such to be honest,’ said Lynn.
‘She had become very confused. When she started asking me when we were going to the shops, not long after we had returned home, I knew I couldn’t ignore things any longer,’ she explained.
‘Then a couple of days ago, she left the grill on that went up in flames, whilst I nipped out to pick Kyle up from college. Thank goodness for the smoke alarms you made sure we had fitted.’ She smiled.
Mark quietly digested the news. He recalled fitting the smoke alarm in his sister’s house, which all felt like such a long time ago.
‘She has deteriorated so rapidly these last couple of weeks. Sometimes she does not even seem to recognise me.’ Lynn stifled a sob.
‘That must be hard,’ said Mark softly.
‘It’s horrible. And I know you are not close, and this might sound wrong, but I just thought you might like to see her, before her memory disappears altogether, or before she—’ She broke off, her voice cracked with emotion.
Mark placed his own coffee down and pulled his sister into a hug and her tears flowed freely.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said when they pulled apart, and she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.
‘Don’t be sorry,’ he comforted her. ‘I’m the one who should be sorry for not helping with Mum more. Sorry for not being there for you and Kyle.’
‘I’m guilty of that too. Not being there for you, I mean, especially after losing Di. We are a right pair, aren’t we?’ She wiped her mascara-streaked face with a fresh tissue from a box on the coffee table.
‘You have a busy life,’ he said kindly, thinking of his sister’s punishing shifts working as a nurse, unable to afford to take early retirement.
‘Me not so much, but maybe we all ought to try a bit harder,’ he admitted.
‘But it is no good apportioning blame. Life gets busy. Days turn into weeks, and the good intentions to make contact are suddenly months behind you.’
It was a strange situation, thought Mark.
There had been no falling out as such, but they had slipped from each other’s lives like a sun obscured by a cloud, waiting for the day the cloud would pass, and the sun would beam down once more and all would be well with the world.
Of course, that kind of thing never happened in real life.
Not without someone putting in the effort.
‘You always were the voice of reason,’ said Lynn, smiling at her big brother, who she had missed so much. Maybe he was right. Blaming one another never solved anything; moving forward was the key. She was pleased she had come here today.
She had no idea if Mark would visit their mother, but perhaps it was more important that they were back in contact with each other. She hoped that regardless of the situation with their mother, this would not be the last she would see of him for a while.
‘I’m glad you came, Lynn, and you shouldn’t be shouldering the burden of looking after Mum all by yourself. I will go and see her,’ he said, curling his hand around his sister’s and squeezing it.
‘I won’t lie, though, I’m not sure there is much point.’ He sighed. ‘She never seemed to like having me around, but I will help if I can.’
‘She was troubled.’ Lynn tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘I don’t think she was aware of the impact her actions were having on you.’
‘Don’t make excuses for her.’ Mark tried to keep any sharpness out of his voice, as he did not want tensions between them already.
‘I’m not,’ said Lynn gently. ‘It was wrong how she treated you. I didn’t notice it too much growing up, but as we got older…’ She paused and sighed deeply. ‘I could see that she was always a bit harsher with you.’
The confirmation that it had not been in his imagination left him feeling empty and angry all at the same time. Why the hell should he go and see this woman who was a stranger to him now? His memories of the way she had treated him would never be erased. He owed her nothing.
He could not help but think of Alice then. He owed her nothing either, but knew that he would be happy to help her in a heartbeat.
‘Well, I thank my lucky stars I met Diane,’ he said eventually. ‘I was shown what true love really was then,’ he admitted.
He had been almost on edge when they first met, just waiting for something bad to happen.
A snide comment, a criticism, anything that would attempt to reduce his self-worth.
But it didn’t. Instead, he was showered with love and affection.
Even if he messed up in some way, Di would kiss him and laugh, telling him not to worry about it and reminding him that we all messed up occasionally.
He had barely known what to do with her warmth, and pushed back a little at first, but Di chipped away at his armour. Thank God. She showed him what true love really was.
‘I know. Oh, Mark.’ A tear rolled down Lynn’s check. ‘I always loved you, although, of course, a sister’s love is not the same as a mother’s.’
‘And I loved you too,’ said Mark.
‘She told me once that you reminded her so much of our father,’ said Lynn eventually. ‘It was wrong, but I just think she found it difficult.’
‘What, difficult to even look at me?’
‘I don’t know. God, was she really that bad?’ Lynn asked tentatively.
‘Most of the time, yes.’ A rush of emotion threatened to spill over and turn Mark into a quivering mess.
He’d known that his father, who had died when Mark was a young boy, had beaten his mother regularly in drunken rages.
He knew that he looked just like him, so maybe his presence brought those memories to the surface for her, although it was hardly his fault.
‘Do you know, I asked her once if she thought she treated you differently,’ Lynn continued.
‘And?’
‘She said something about mothers usually being closer to their daughters,’ said Lynn.
‘That sounds about right.’ He shook his head, unsurprised that she was not prepared to acknowledge her behaviour. ‘Maybe I will never know. Anyway, I don’t want it ruining today.’ He mustered up a smile. ‘It really is good to see you.’
‘And you,’ Lynn said, smiling in return. ‘But maybe for your own peace of mind you might want to tell her how she made you feel?’
‘I guess I could do, but what good would it do? Give her the chance for some sort of deathbed apology?’ Mark remained unconvinced. ‘But maybe I will think about it.’
Truthfully, Mark didn’t think he needed any kind of closure. He had resigned himself to the way things were a long time ago. But maybe he would do it for Lynn, if that was what she wanted. He couldn’t help wondering what Diane would say, if she were here.
‘Anyway, as it is almost lunchtime, do you fancy something to eat?’ offered Mark, smiling at his sister. ‘I think I have perfected the perfect Spanish omelette, even if I say so myself.’
‘Then how can I refuse,’ Lynn replied as she sank back into the deep sofa.
After grabbing a magazine from the shop and quickly delivering it to a grateful Alice, Mark headed into the kitchen with a bunch of emotions swirling around in his head. He had been so surprised, yet happy, to see his sister, even though the news of their mother had thrown him into turmoil.
He still felt unsure about going to visit his mother, but if she died, as Lynn had all but pointed out, he would be denied the opportunity of having a conversation with her.
Not for the first time, Mark wished that he could have had a mother like Alice, who had been denied the opportunity to have a child of her own. Life really could be cruel sometimes.
Perhaps he would go and say a final goodbye to his mother after all. Maybe it would bring them both some peace of mind. And he knew that Alice would approve.