Chapter 41
FORTY-ONE
DECLAN
Declan decided to call in sick this morning. He had barely slept a wink last night and ended up with a bad stomach, although perhaps he had worked himself up over nothing.
He hated the thought of that being the case.
He was made from stronger stuff than that, but the guys he had walked past near the train station on his date with Jess had looked familiar, even in the dark.
He could not bear the thought of having to look over his shoulder when he went out.
His life was peaceful around here. He wanted it to stay that way.
More than anything, he was worried he had screwed things up with Jess. He had gone cold on her at the door when they had said goodnight, and he could sense her unease, but his head had been all over the place. And after that he’d avoided her, even when looking after Alice.
Although still in Merseyside, his old neighbourhood miles across the city felt like a world away from Blundellsands, with its wide, leafy streets.
Here people sat on benches in local parks reading books rather than doing drug deals.
If it was the bloke he thought it was, he had no right being in a place like this.
He would be lucky if Jess gave him the time of day after the abrupt end to their evening on Saturday, he thought to himself as he made himself a coffee, and sat staring into space.
At least popping in and checking on Alice had distracted him a little and thank God she was almost better now.
She was certainly made of strong stuff, he thought to himself.
And at least she would not have the upheaval of searching for accommodation just now, as the house was showing no sign of being sold quickly.
He idly flicked through TV channels to find something that might distract him, but his mind kept reliving the events of all those years ago.
He had decided to call a cousin from his old neighbourhood who he had lost contact with, and asked to meet her in Southport, which, despite her initial surprise, she had agreed to.
Chatting to her over lunch ought to have put his mind at rest, yet he still felt spooked. He wondered if he always would.
As he sipped his coffee he told himself to get a grip.
He’d paid his dues, and surely if the guy had recognised him he would have done something about it, rather than walking away?
Years had passed, he reasoned, telling himself that he really ought to stop imagining things.
His cousin had pretty much told him the same thing.
She had last heard that the family in question had moved to Ireland.
Glancing at his watch, he realised it would be a few hours before Jess returned from work, when he would go and have a word with her.
He had enjoyed every minute of their date, Jess was a lot of fun, and he had clocked the looks some blokes gave her when she walked into a room, which was hardly surprising.
She was a stunner, and he prayed he hadn’t screwed things up with her.
And that kiss. He hadn’t felt anything stir inside him like that for a long time.
He dropped some bread into the toaster, then found a documentary on Netflix about a one-time footballer who had beaten a gambling addiction and settled down to watch it. It made him realise that addiction came in all forms, as he thought about his sister.
Following her death he had wished he had a switch in his brain that could erase all memory of his sister. Then he might have avoided the gut-wrenching pain he felt. Especially after nightfall when the thoughts would creep in and prevent him from sleeping.
Running had helped him in the months following her passing. Plugging in his earphones and pounding the pavements to a good beat had preserved his sanity. Even during the small hours, he had occasionally gone for a run whilst the city slept. It soon became a habit.
He recalled a time when he had stopped at a bench in the early hours of the morning, and howled with grief, thankful that no one was around. Night running became his thing. His safe place until he felt ready to do it during daylight hours once more.
He fancied a bit of fresh air, though, so shrugged on his jacket and decided to head out for a walk, before grabbing some milk from the shop on the way home. And if he did encounter someone from his past, there would be no mistaking them away from the dark shadows of the night.
He thought about going to see Alice before he spoke to Jess, as she would know what to do, without a doubt, but decided against it. This was his mess, so he needed to be the one to fix it.