Chapter Thirteen #4
She didn’t look at Vivian as she spoke—didn’t show any emotion at all, in fact.
Vivian felt like the bottom had dropped out of her stomach.
She had seen Honor jump to the defense of just about every other employee with far less cause.
But she didn’t seem to mind the threats, or whatever they were, that Mrs. Wilson was casually tossing out.
In fact, she looked like she had barely heard them.
“You’re probably right.” Mrs. Wilson shrugged again.
“In any case, I’ve got a baby to get home to.
” She smiled. “No need to see me out, Ms. Huxley. I remember the way just fine. And Miss Kelly?” She paused with her hand on the doorknob, and the small lift of her brows felt like a warning snaking its way down Vivian’s back.
“I came here as a favor, yes, but also to tell you one other thing. If you ever let slip to anyone what you know about my sister, you will…” She paused, as if searching for the right word. “Regret it.”
The understatement in her words would have been chilling, but that threat, at least, Vivian didn’t need to worry about.
She shook her head. “I wouldn’t do that,” she said quietly, meaning it.
“Your sister went through enough. She didn’t deserve what happened to her, and she doesn’t deserve people hounding and judging her for it now. ”
Hattie studied her, as if trying to decide whether she was sincere.
Then, without a word, she nodded and opened the door.
Bruiser George and his slick-looking buddy were waiting just outside.
Hattie motioned to them without speaking, and they fell in step behind her.
She strode down the stairs without looking back.
Vivian stood in the doorway, waiting until they were firmly out of sight before slamming the door closed and rounding on Honor. “What the hell was that?” she demanded, stalking toward the desk. “How could you let her say that and just stand there?”
Honor flinched. “What was I supposed to do, Vivian? She was here to talk to you.”
“You could have said something when she was threatening me,” Vivian snapped.
“Anyone else, you’d have jumped down her throat, told her not to talk to one of your people like that.
Anyone else, you would have threatened her right back!
” She was shaking, on edge from dancing through the dangerous terrain that was a conversation with Hattie Wilson and furious at Honor for leaving her to navigate that terrain all on her own.
And Honor wouldn’t even look at her, her hands braced on the desk in front of her, her eyes fixed on its surface.
Vivian didn’t yell, didn’t want to risk anyone outside the door hearing her.
But she couldn’t keep the hurt and the anger from her voice.
“What am I, the one person at the Nightingale who’s not worth bothering to look after? ”
“Do you want Hattie Wilson knowing how I feel about you?” Honor demanded, her voice husky.
When she lifted her head, her cheeks were flushed with emotion.
Her cool facade was finally cracking. Vivian stared at her.
It was not what she had expected Honor to say at all.
“Do you want to find out what she’d do with that kind of information? I don’t.”
“How do you feel about me?” Vivian met Honor’s eyes without flinching.
“You don’t want Hattie Wilson to know, sure.
I don’t know how much your business crosses paths with hers, but you know best on that front.
But what about me? Because I still don’t know.
I’m starting to suspect you don’t either, and I don’t have time to be yanked around like this. ”
Honor flinched, then took a step around the desk. “I’m not trying to—”
“You might not be trying, but you are.” Vivian’s own breathing was coming faster now.
There was longing there, and distrust that she still hadn’t let go of.
But more than anything, it was the uncertainty making her feel reckless and angry.
She thought of Florence dancing downstairs, Dr. Harris’s embarrassment when he asked How’s your sister?
What would she be left with if Florence was gone?
“You gave me a job here, Honor. And I’m grateful for that because you didn’t have to, and it made my life a hell of a lot easier than it had been. And maybe we both thought it would make things simpler if we had some clear line between us, some role to play. But it hasn’t, and we both know it.”
“Do you want to quit, then?” It was impossible to tell how Honor felt about that idea. She had herself back under control now, and Vivian hated her for it a little.
“No, I want you to make up your mind.”
Honor smiled then, an almost mocking expression. “Rich words coming from you, pet. We both know you haven’t made up your mind either.”
“It’s not the same,” Vivian insisted, stung.
They were only inches from each other now.
If she reached out, she knew Honor wouldn’t pull away, and they would have their answer.
But that would only make things simpler for a moment.
“Your life is here. Your world is here. Mine would be completely upended. My sister … I wouldn’t even know how to explain it to her, never mind whether she’d actually want to see me again.
” She thought about Alba, cut off and thrown out because her family couldn’t see past the choice she’d made.
And a baby was so much more commonplace than what being with Honor would mean.
“It’s not safe for me to make up my mind until you do. ”
“I told you once, pet. I’m not the sort of woman who makes promises.” Slowly, deliberately, Honor took a step back. Her smile was sad. “It’s safer for me not to. Just like it’s safer for you. And right now, neither of us is sure losing that is worth it.”
It hurt to hear those words. Vivian had spent so much of her life knowing that most of the world—and maybe even her own family—didn’t think she was worth it. “That’s that, then,” she said slowly, taking a step back.
“Is it?” Honor shook her head. “You thought that once before. But here we are again, because not sure isn’t the same as no. Are you actually making up your mind this time?”
“I’m going back downstairs is what I’m doing,” Vivian snapped. “Thanks for arranging the meeting with Mrs. Wilson.”
“You’re welcome,” Honor said softly. She waited until Vivian was almost at the door before asking, just as quietly, “Are you going to be at work on Monday?”
Vivian glanced over her shoulder. “Am I?”
“You always have a place here, Vivian. No matter what happens between us. I do look out for my people.”
“Well, that’s something, then.”
Vivian wanted Honor to say something else.
But there was just the slightest tremble to her hands, a brief moment when she caught her lower lip with her teeth before her expression returned to its normal smoothness.
Vivian wasn’t the only one who had been hurt by the exchange.
They stared at each other in silence, both waiting, until Vivian turned away once more and left.