Chapter Nineteen #4
The apartment Honor eventually hustled her into was on the third floor, a clean, unadorned little room with electric lights and barely any furniture. There were curtains at the windows but no pictures on the walls. Vivian looked around as Honor threw the deadbolt behind them.
Vivian drifted across the floor a little aimlessly, not sure what she was supposed to say or do.
She stopped next to the neatly made bed.
It was only a few steps away from the stove and sink, not even room enough between them for a table and chair, though there was a small chest of three drawers next to the bed.
“So this is where you live when you’re not at the Nightingale?
” Vivian asked, the first thing she had said since they got into the cab.
Honor’s laugh was short. “It’s where I stay sometimes when things are a little too hot for me downtown. I’d hardly call it a place to live.”
“You didn’t have to push me around to get me here,” Vivian pointed out, rubbing her arm. “I wasn’t arguing.”
The look Honor gave her was withering. “Excuse me if I’m feeling a little sour on trusting you at the moment. Do I need to tell you why that was a stupid thing to do?”
Vivian shivered, trying not to remember the shot that had just barely missed her. “No. Are you going to tell me what a Fitz Special is?”
Honor sighed as she took the gun from her pocket.
She turned it over, eyeing it warily, before setting it carefully on the chest of drawers.
“A man named Fitzgerald makes them out of a regular Colt revolver. The barrel is shorter, and … well, there are a lot of changes to make them work. But the point is, he makes them so officers can carry a gun more easily when they go undercover. The smaller the barrel, the easier it is to hide.”
Vivian felt cold all over, and her legs suddenly seemed to stop working.
She sat down abruptly on the bed before they gave way completely.
“So you’re saying that second fella was a cop.
” Honor nodded. “And he was there to make sure no one followed or caught the other fella, the one who scooped up the dress.” Honor nodded again, still standing, her arms crossed.
Vivian wished she would come closer, would offer her arm like she had in the cab after they left the dress shop.
She wished Honor would kiss her again, even if she was still angry.
Anything to chase away the fear that was creeping through her.
But Honor seemed determined to keep some distance between them.
Vivian tucked her knees under her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs, needing comfort from someone, even if it was just from herself.
“That other fella, the one we talked to after Pearlie died. He said he tried to catch the letter writer and got knocked out for his trouble. He didn’t say anything about someone trying to shoot him. ”
“Guess their operation is getting more serious.” Honor’s voice was soft. “Or more desperate.”
“What made you hang around?”
In the glow of the single electric light, it was hard to read Honor’s expression, but Vivian thought it might have been something close to a smile. “Instinct.”
“Yours are better than mine, then.” Vivian sighed, dropping her head down onto her knees. “I just thought … I wanted to make it all stop. I wanted to make sure they never bothered my sister again. I wanted—”
She was surprised to feel the sudden weight of Honor sitting on the bed next to her.
“I know. You wanted to fix it. But some things can’t be fixed.
Just survived.” Vivian lifted her head to see Honor watching her, her expression unreadable.
Then her face softened, and she reached out to flick off the light.
The room was so small that she could reach the switch with only a little effort.
“Come on,” she said, kicking off her shoes.
Sliding up the bed and leaning back so that she was propped up against the headboard, she gave the pillow next to her a little pat.
“We’ve got a few hours to get some shut-eye. ”
Vivian glanced around the room. She had noticed it was small. Now, she realized for the first time what that meant. The room barely had space for furniture. There certainly wasn’t a second bed. “Both of us?”
Honor laughed shortly. “You can stay awake if you want, but you’ll be kicking yourself while you’re at work. Come on.” She patted the pillow again. In the light that drifted through the window, Vivian could see that her wry smile was back. “I’m pretty sure we’ll survive.”
Vivian wasn’t nearly so sure, but she toed off her shoes and scooted up the bed anyway, until they were shoulder to shoulder against the headboard.
“Why did you kiss me?” Vivian asked, deciding to be blunt. She didn’t look at Honor as she asked the question, though. She couldn’t play it quite cool enough for that. “You made it clear we’ve got no future together, not that you want, anyway. I’d have thought that meant no kisses, too.”
“Even I get impulsive sometimes,” Honor said quietly. “I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Well…” Vivian couldn’t help herself. She wanted, so badly. And her heart ached to be wanted in return. She met Honor’s eyes. “I didn’t mind all that much.”
They stared at each other, and then Honor shook her head slowly. “I shouldn’t have done it,” she repeated.
“Why not?” Vivian couldn’t help whispering.
She could tumble head over heels for Honor if she let herself, fast and dangerous as falling into freezing water, and she knew exactly why that would be such a risk for her.
But the day they had squared off in her office, Honor had said it was a risk for her, too.
Vivian couldn’t figure out what that risk might be.
Honor was quiet for so long that Vivian thought she wasn’t going to answer at all. “I’d let you get too close,” she said at last. “And I can’t afford to give myself that kind of weakness.” She gave Vivian’s shoulder a little squeeze. “Try to sleep, pet. Nothing else is going to happen tonight.”
Vivian waited, hoping she would say something more. But Honor was silent. After a moment, Vivian sighed and slid down the pillow, stretching out as carefully as if the sheets were filled with pins that she needed to avoid. Honor did the same beside her.
Even though they were fully clothed, even though neither of them had bothered to slip under the sheets, Vivian was conscious of every inch of Honor’s body next to her, every soft breath in and out.
She felt hot all over and still jumpy with fear.
She wanted to roll just the few inches it would take until she could cuddle up close to Honor, search through the dark for her mouth, forget everything that had happened that night.
But neither of them moved. And at last, worn out, Vivian fell asleep.
She woke when the sounds of the city outside changed to the clamor of morning, shops opening up, a paperboy on his route, the wail of a child impatient for breakfast. The dawn light was just creeping through the window as Vivian glanced around, her body still for a moment as her mind floundered, trying to remember where she was.
Then her eyes fell on Honor, still sleeping next to her.
Even in sleep Honor’s expression was serious, her brows pulled toward each other as if her dreams required concentration.
In the dawn light, the fan of her dark eyelashes cast little shadows on her cheeks, and the pillowcase was smudged with traces of makeup that she hadn’t washed off the night before.
With her cheek resting in the curve of one hand, she looked more vulnerable—more human—than Vivian had ever seen her.
But vulnerable wasn’t something that Honor Huxley was willing to be. And as much as she wanted to, Vivian really couldn’t blame her for that.
She slid out of the bed, retrieving her shoes but not putting them on yet.
Her eyes fell on the little revolver, still glinting dully on the chest of drawers.
Vivian hesitated. She didn’t like guns. But she was a practical girl.
She eased her fingers around the handle and lifted it soundlessly, sliding it into the pocket of her jacket before turning toward the door.
The click of the dead bolt was loud in the quiet room, but the door swung open noiselessly.
The back of Vivian’s neck prickled, and she glanced over her shoulder. Honor was lying still in the bed, not moving. But her eyes were open, and they stared at each other, neither of them saying a word.
After a moment, Vivian turned away and left, closing the door softly behind her.