Chapter 12
I’ve never been on an aeroplane, and when we get to the airport, I’m scared stiff.
Dot knows it, and she keeps giving my hand reassuring squeezes.
While Sean goes to the parking office to hand in the car keys, Dot and I stand with the suitcases, and we watch a plane start its ascent, and the impossibility of it – of something so big and heavy and full of people staying airborne – strikes me.
‘What’s the thing you’re most frightened of?’ Dot asks.
‘The plane falling out of the sky,’ I say, without hesitation.
‘Well, that almost never happens.’ She winks at me and grins. ‘Come on, here’s Sean. Let’s get checked in.’
They seem to just know where to go, Dot and Sean, so I follow along without paying much attention. When we’re waiting in a queue to check in, I turn to Dot.
‘Were you scared, the first time you flew?’
‘Hmm, perhaps a little,’ she says. ‘I was in my thirties, I think. I saved up and took the boys to Spain. Anyway, it was their first time flying too, of course, and they were children, so I had to be brave for them.’
‘What about you?’ I ask Sean.
He shakes his head. ‘I don’t even remember the first time.
We went on package holidays every summer.
Honestly, Mabel, you wouldn’t even know you’re in the air.
We’ll get you some sweets to suck for take-off and landing, because your ears can go a bit funny, but the rest of the time you’ll just feel like you’re on a coach or a train or something. ’
That puts my mind at rest a bit, and then it’s our turn to check in and we answer a lot of questions about whether we packed our own bags and whether we have anything flammable or sharp with us.
Our suitcases go off on a conveyer belt, like a big version of the ones at the supermarket, and I’m glad to be rid of mine.
‘Security next,’ Sean says. ‘You might have to take off your shoes and get anything electronic out of your bag. Oh, and you can’t have liquids unless they’re under 100ml.’
Luckily, Dot’s told me all this in advance, and I’ve got a little plastic bag with my hand cream and a lip balm in it.
More queueing, and I’m getting to the point where I’m ready for a sit down, where the eight hours sitting still on the plane sound quite appealing.
But we get through pretty quickly and when Dot suggests going for a cup of tea, I could kiss her. I do kiss her.
There’s a Starbucks with a couple of free tables. We have to pull another chair over from somewhere else, but then Dot and I sit down while Sean gets in yet another queue to buy the drinks.
‘You’re doing so well, Mabel,’ Dot says.
It feels like something you might say to a child, and I consider being offended, but it’s pointless because I know she doesn’t mean anything by it.
It’s kindness, not condescension. She knows that this is a big thing for me, and she’s helping me through it.
Just like I would with something she found hard. It’s all part of being a team.
‘Thank you. It’s all a bit overwhelming but I know it will be worth it.’
‘Oh, it will,’ she agrees.
Sean comes over then, with a tray. He’s got teas for us and coffee for him and three enormous muffins. Dot takes the lemon and poppyseed one and Sean raises his eyebrows at me, so I reach for the chocolate, leaving him with the blueberry.
‘Perfect,’ he says, ‘this is the one I was hoping for.’ He sits down and takes a big bite. ‘How are we holding up, ladies?’
‘We’re fine, aren’t we, Mabel?’ Dot asks, reaching across the table for my hand.
And I find that I am. Fine. Still anxious about crossing an ocean in an enormous metal contraption, about going somewhere where I don’t know the rules or the conventions, but there’s something about being with Dot that brings me peace.
That makes me certain that everything will be all right.
‘Fine and dandy,’ I say, reaching for my mug of tea.
* * *
Dot warned me that there’d be a lot of waiting around, and it’s true.
We have two cups of tea and a bit of a mooch about the duty-free shop, spraying perfume in the air for each other to comment on.
Dot buys a huge straw hat and insists on wearing it because it’s easier than carrying it around.
And all of it helps me, with my nerves. So that when it’s time to go to the gate, and we can actually see the aeroplane we’ll be flying on, I don’t feel as nervous as I did.
Dot squeezes my hand anyway, and Sean puts an arm on my shoulder and pulls me in for a cuddle.
I think about Erin, and Julie, about how I’ll miss them while we’re away, but other than that I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be with for this big adventure.
I feel looked after, cared for. And like I’m where I’m supposed to be.
I do have a bit of a wobble when we queue up to get on the plane, but Sean’s booked us Premium Economy seats which he says gives us a bit more legroom and I’m fine once I’m settled with my seatbelt on.
I’m trying to think of it like a really long drive.
We’re in a row, Sean next to the window, then Dot in the middle, then me on the aisle.
It’s a late afternoon flight but we’re going to try not to go to sleep because it will only be early evening when we arrive in New York and Sean says it’s important to get on the right time zone as quickly as possible.
When we start moving, Dot passes me a butter mint to suck, and I grip the armrests tightly.
There’s a bit of pootling around and then we start moving faster than I’d ever imagined and I somehow feel the wheels lift off the ground and we’re in the air, climbing higher and higher each minute.
I close my eyes, feel Dot’s warm hand covering mine, and there are a few minutes of discomfort, in which I hope it’s not going to be like this for the whole time, and then we seem to settle, and it’s fine.
Look at me, Arthur, I think, and that makes me chuckle.
‘What?’ Dot asks.
‘I was just thinking about what Arthur would say. He proposed a holiday to Spain one year and I told him we were too old for such things. That was over twenty years ago! And now here I am, jet-setting with you, going to America of all places. It’s like a mad dream.’
‘I think sometimes we’re guilty of closing ourselves off to things as we age.’
‘But not you,’ I say.
‘Me too, sometimes,’ she says, and I turn to look at her because her voice has changed. It sounds more serious.
She glances over to Sean, but he’s already got headphones on and a film up on his screen. ‘When you first got back in touch, there was a part of me that said it was too late for you and me.’
It’s the first time she’s told me this. ‘What made you give it a try?’
‘Once I knew where you were, and that you wanted to see me again, I couldn’t not. But I had to talk myself into it a bit. It’s nothing to do with how I feel about you. I was just so sure that I was finished with love, or that love was finished with me. Life can be so surprising, can’t it?’
‘It can.’
‘I thank my lucky stars every day that I didn’t turn you away.’
I feel reassured by that, and I lean over and rest my head on her shoulder.
After a while, we pull out our books, and I settle into a story about a woman who doesn’t know her neighbour is in love with her.
Every few pages, I stop and remember that I’m hurtling through the air at great speed.
It doesn’t feel possible, not with stewardesses walking up and down the aisles, offering drinks.
What a world. All I had to do was open my eyes to it.
* * *
I think we all sleep a bit, despite trying not to, and by the time we land (a little bit bumpy but nothing to be afraid of) I’m absolutely shattered.
It’s funny how sitting still can tire you out.
There’s a queue to go through passport control, and then we have to wait around for our luggage, but Sean gets a trolley and finds a bench for Dot and me to sit on while he waits for it.
‘You two look like you could really do with a long sleep,’ he says, bounding over with the trolley piled high. ‘Let’s get a cab to the hotel.’
There are yellow taxis lined up outside, and I feel like I’m in a film, but Sean steers us over to one and talks to the driver about where we’re going.
They load the luggage into the boot while Dot and I collapse into the back seat.
It’s not a long drive, and I spend it looking out of the window at the tall buildings and all the lights.
Dot doesn’t say anything, just lets me take it all in.
But later, when we’ve checked in at the hotel and Sean’s gone off to his room and we’re in bed, she reaches for my hand, curls her body around mine.
And I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired, but just before I drift off I hear what she says.
‘I thought I’d seen New York before, Mabel, but it’s going to be a whole different thing to see it with you.’