Chapter 16
Suddenly, too soon, it’s the last day of our time with Geoff, and he invites us to his house for lunch.
It’s a glorious day and Dot and I wear sundresses.
Hers in blue, which matches her eyes, and mine in orange.
Sean claps his hands when he sees us. He’s in shorts and a T-shirt, like he has been every day, but I’ve noticed that he’s wearing all his earrings and a fair bit of makeup, which is what he does on special occasions.
It feels like an occasion, even though we’ve had lunch with Geoff a number of times.
I can’t help but wonder whether it’s the last time we’ll see him, but I hope it isn’t.
‘Shall we?’ Sean asks, manoeuvring himself in between us and holding out both of his arms for us to link.
Dot laughs. ‘We shall.’
On the short walk to Geoff’s, we see a few people out walking their dogs and everyone smiles and says hello.
I wonder what they must think about us – two old ladies and a young man wearing glitter – but no one seems to bat an eyelid.
I remind myself that those people Dot and I met on our road trip weren’t representative of the people who live here.
There are bigots everywhere, but most people are good and kind.
Most people don’t care who you love, or how.
Love stays on my mind as Geoff greets us with hugs and kisses and ushers us through to his terrace, where he’s set the small table with a white cloth and champagne flutes. He brings out a chilled bottle and pops the cork.
‘What shall we drink to?’ he asks.
‘Love,’ I say, and no one objects. Dot gives me a wink when I catch her eye.
‘Has there been anyone, since Rupert?’ I ask Geoff.
I feel like I know him well enough to ask this now. He seems so settled and content, here on his own. It seems a shame that he doesn’t have anyone to share his life with.
‘No,’ he says. ‘Rupert ruined me for other men.’
No one says anything for a moment, and then Sean speaks up.
‘I couldn’t give up sex.’
‘Who said anything about giving up sex? There’s been sex, since Rupert, but that isn’t what Mabel asked.
She asked if there’s “been anyone”. And there never has and there never will be.
And that’s okay. Because some people never get to have what he and I had at all. I just didn’t get to keep it forever.’
It’s quite a speech. Dot raises her glass again. ‘To Rupert.’
‘To Rupert,’ we chorus.
It feels strange to be the only one here who didn’t know him. I turn to Sean. ‘Did you know him well?’
‘Rupert?’ he asks. ‘He was a bit like a granddad to me. Geoff was too. And it was never hidden from me, the fact that they were a couple. Which was massive, because it meant that when I realised I was gay, it just seemed like this totally normal thing and I didn’t have to keep it a secret.’
‘I never thought about that,’ Geoff says. ‘That’s good. I kept it secret for a long time.’
‘Not as long as us, though,’ Dot says, laughing.
‘No,’ Geoff says. ‘Not as long as that. Now, shall I go in and put the lunch out?’
* * *
We eat sea bass with roasted vegetables and crispy potatoes and everything is delicious.
‘Could you always cook like this?’ Dot asks Geoff. ‘I would have argued for living together longer if I’d known.’
‘Rupert was the chef in our house,’ Geoff says. ‘When he died and I moved back over here, I lived on burgers and toast. Put on quite a bit of weight, I can tell you.’
He’s so slim that it makes me laugh.
‘And then I decided I’d better learn to look after myself, if I wanted to keep going for a few more years.
And I did want that, desperately. In the immediate aftermath of his death, I thought that it would be romantic to die of a broken heart, but after a few months I realised how much I wanted to live.
So I did a couple of courses, learned the basics. ’
‘It’s wonderful,’ I say. ‘All of it.’
‘You haven’t seen dessert yet.’
Dessert is a strawberry and lemon tart, and we pour thick cream over it and exclaim at the taste. It’s followed by coffee and mints, and after all that I feel pleasantly full and like I don’t want to move for the rest of the afternoon.
‘What about your love life?’ Geoff asks Sean. ‘You’re very quiet on the subject.’
Sean shrugs his shoulders. He’s sitting back with his eyes closed, the sun on his face. ‘I’ve never been in love. Plenty of lust, but never that more elusive ‘L’ word.’
It saddens me, this. He would make such a wonderful, attentive partner.
‘What about that Mark?’ Dot asks. ‘That lasted a while.’
Sean wrinkles his nose. ‘He cheated on me, and to be honest, if he hadn’t, I’d have cheated on him, or left him. It was all too boring. He never wanted to go anywhere.’
That wouldn’t do, I think. Not for Sean.
‘Do you believe in it? Love?’ Geoff asks.
Sean opens his eyes then. ‘How could I not, with all the examples I’ve had around me?
You and Rupert, devoted to each other. Mum and Dad, just the perfect bloody fit.
And now Nanna and Mabel, reunited after more than sixty years.
It’s proper fairytale stuff. I absolutely believe, and you don’t need to feel sorry for me.
I’m just taking my time getting there, that’s all. ’
‘Well, don’t take as long as we did,’ I say.
‘Roger that.’
Talk moves on to the remainder of our holiday. We’re spending two nights in New York and I don’t know whether to be excited or scared.
‘Do you ever go into the city?’ Sean asks.
Geoff shakes his head. ‘I did a bit, when I first moved back. But I’m too old for the hustle and bustle. I have everything I need here.’
‘That’s what I think I might be,’ I say. ‘Too old for the hustle and bustle.’
‘Nonsense,’ Dot says. ‘You’re never too old for New York.’
A little while later, we say our goodbyes. Dot asks Geoff whether he sees himself ever coming back to the UK, and he says it depends whether he has a good reason to make the flight.
‘If I were invited to a wedding, for example, I would be sure to make the effort,’ he says, winking.
‘Got it,’ Dot says. ‘We’ll see you then.’
And that makes it all feel a bit easier, because it’s not a proper goodbye. Not for good.
‘Mabel,’ Geoff says in my ear as he gives me a last hug, ‘it was an honour to meet you. Dot made it so I could be with the love of my life and I couldn’t be happier that she’s now with hers.’
‘Thanks for everything, Geoff,’ I say. ‘We’ll see you soon.’
We walk away, and I look back a couple of times and he’s still there in front of his house, one arm lifted in a wave.
‘It must be a relief to see him happy,’ I say.
I’m talking to Dot but her and Sean both nod vigorously.
‘I wish we’d come years ago, in a way,’ Sean says.
‘But then we wouldn’t have been able to bring Mabel,’ Dot says.
‘That’s true. Perhaps it’s all worked out perfectly.’
We don’t say much else on the walk back to the apartment, and when we get there we all get on with our packing. When I’m getting things together I see the notebook and realise I haven’t updated the list since we had that talk.
Dot and Mabel’s first list
Marry me Get married
Find Geoff
Travel to America
Talk about Peter and his dad
I amend the final item so it reads Talk about Peter and his dad. Dot comes into the room just as I’m doing it, her washbag under one arm, and I remember something my mum used to say a lot. There’s no time like the present.
‘Dot, who was Peter’s father?’
She freezes, and I think for a moment she’s not going to say anything at all, but then she sits on the edge of the bed and pats the space beside her.
‘I should have told you this bit the other night too, but it’s a lot. I’m sorry, though. This is the last thing you don’t know.’
I laugh. ‘Of course it isn’t,’ I say. ‘You haven’t told me what you had for lunch every day for sixty years, or what your favourite Beatles album is, or whether you prefer cats or dogs. There will always be things to discover, Dot. We’ll always be learning about each other.’
‘You’re right, but this is the last big thing. And for the record, a lot of sandwiches, Abbey Road, and dogs, though I do love a cuddle with a cat too.’
The mood turns serious, and I know she’s going to tell me something painful. I brace myself for it.
‘Peter’s father. He wasn’t a good man, Mabel.’
She grinds to a halt and doesn’t seem like she’s going to say anything else, so I try to reassure her. ‘We all make mistakes,’ I say.
‘No,’ she says, quite firm. ‘It isn’t like that. I didn’t get into a relationship with a man who wasn’t good for me. That’s not what happened.’
I feel like there’s a stone in my throat, slowly inching its way down my windpipe. I can’t swallow. Because I know what she’s going to say, and it’s so obvious. The way it was with Peter, the fractured relationship.
‘He forced me, Mabel. We went on one date, and then he walked me home and I told him that I didn’t think it was going to work out, and he laughed at me.
I’ll never forget it. Laughed in my face and pushed inside the house and…
forced me. Afterwards, I didn’t tell a soul.
Didn’t want to think about it, just wanted to put it behind me.
And then some time passed and I started to feel a bit iffy, couldn’t face coffee.
I’d been pregnant twice before, of course, so I knew.
I never told him, about the baby. I didn’t want him to have anything to do with it.
Luckily he’d already moved on to someone else, probably didn’t give me a second thought.
And that’s how it happened, how I had Peter. ’
‘Dot,’ I say, the stone in my throat a boulder.
I want to tell her I’m sorry, that that shouldn’t have happened and I wish it hadn’t. That I understand, now, how difficult it was for her to raise her third son, to love him. I want to thank her, for telling me. But for now, I can’t get the words out, and I just hope she knows.
‘You didn’t expect all this, did you? When you came to find me? A gay husband and a distant son and all this… damage.’ She puts her head in her hands and she looks utterly defeated.
‘I didn’t know what to expect,’ I say. ‘A lot can happen in sixty-odd years. But I’m not going anywhere, Dot. There’s nothing you could say that would frighten me away. And besides, none of it is your fault. You do know that, don’t you?’
‘I think I do,’ she says.
And I vow to work on that with her. To make her sure.