Chapter 23
Dot comes home the next day and it’s such a relief to have her back and be with her all the time rather than sitting at the side of her bed for an hour here or there.
The family know she was due to be discharged, but I send a message on the group chat to confirm and my mobile telephone starts buzzing like mad.
Mabel
Just to let you all know Dot’s home.
Tasha
Hooray
Sean
All the happy emojis
William
Thanks for letting us know, Mabel. How’s she doing?
Dot
She’s doing fine, thanks for asking.
William
Good to hear, Mum
John
All best wishes from Claudia and me, Mum.
Sean
It’s not a birthday card, Uncle John
Dot
Thank you all for your visits and well wishes. Mabel’s looking after me.
‘Tell me how Erin’s exams are going,’ Dot says, once I’ve got her settled.
It makes my heart swell, the fact that she cares about these women I care about. ‘Pretty well, on the whole. She’s in her last history one now and then her last English one is in a couple of days, and then she’s done.’
‘I bet she can’t wait,’ Dot says. ‘That long summer stretching ahead. Nothing to do but relax.’
‘And prepare for going to university, hopefully,’ I say. I feel like a proud mother, or grandmother. I can’t help it.
‘Shall we have some tea, Mabel?’ Dot asks.
I stand to go and put the kettle on, but then I sit down again. ‘I have something to tell you first. I’ve found Peter. Well, Erin did. On Facebook. He’s in Fareham, and he looks well, from what I can see.’
Dot puts a hand to her mouth. ‘Oh gosh,’ she says.
I wonder whether I’ve done the right thing. ‘You did want to know about him, didn’t you? How he is, where he is, all of that?’
‘I did,’ she confirms. ‘Thank you. I just need to get used to it, I think.’
‘Well, whenever you’re ready, we can get in touch,’ I say. ‘I’ll go and make that tea.’
A few minutes later there’s a knock on the door and I can see from the glint in Dot’s eye that she knows who it is. I go to answer it and there’s Sean and a woman I’ve never seen before.
‘Hi, Mabel! I thought I’d better check in on Nanna and I’ve brought my wedding planner friend Hayley to meet you.’
I take them through to the front room, where Dot is, and we all exchange kisses on the cheek.
I remember Sean saying that Hayley used to have a shaved head.
Now, she has post-box-red hair to her waist. It’s possible that it’s a wig.
She’s wearing a lot of eyeliner and red lipstick, and her outfit consists of big army boots, a tutu, and a T-shirt that reads Taylor Swift made me do it.
She has tattoos peeping out of the sleeves and beneath the skirt.
She looks a bit like she should be in a pantomime, but I love it.
She looks like a woman who is living entirely on her own terms.
‘Are you feeling better, Dot? I was so sorry to hear that you were in hospital.’
‘Getting there, thank you,’ Dot says.
Hayley pulls a bottle of fizz out of her huge bag and I say I think it’s a bit early but she assures me it’s non-alcoholic and that she can’t talk about planning a wedding without fizz of some description.
‘Get some glasses, Sean. We’re celebrating! I couldn’t believe it when Sean told me you’d come out of the closet at eighty-six. If you ladies allow me the honour of being involved with the planning of your big day, I will die happy.’
Sean comes into the room with a tray holding four champagne flutes and we all take one and hold them up to clink.
‘To love,’ Sean says. ‘Whenever and wherever you find it.’
‘To us,’ Dot says. ‘To happy endings.’
It’s such a joyful moment and I feel all lit up inside, like I’m with the right people after a lifetime of not really fitting in.
I wonder whether Dot feels like that and make a mental note to talk to her about it sometime.
When I’m with my friends, or with Dot and her loved ones, I feel as if I’m coming into sharper focus. Like I’m becoming more me.
Hayley asks us a hundred questions while we have our drinks, and it turns out that Dot and I agree on a lot of things.
We don’t want anything too big or fussy, but we don’t want it to be so understated that there’s hardly any point in having it at all.
We want our closest friends and family, a lot of flowers, and a fruitcake.
We want ballroom dancing and a big buffet with all our favourite foods.
‘What about dresses?’ Hayley asks. ‘Sometimes, at lesbian weddings, one bride wears a suit and the other wears a dress. Sometimes both wear dresses. It’s really whatever reflects you best.’
‘I’d like a gown,’ I say, and Dot turns to me in surprise. ‘When I was marrying Arthur, I was choosing between two frocks and I went for the one that was demure and sensible, and all day I wished I’d chosen the other one.’
‘What was it like?’ Hayley asks, scootching forward on her chair. I can see why she does this for a job. She’s practically glowing.
‘It had a sweetheart neckline and the bodice was covered with lace. Full skirt. And there was this little jacket that came with it, to cover up later on. It was the most beautiful dress I’d ever seen.
But before I saw it, I’d tried on something much plainer, with a sort of pencil skirt, and my mum said she thought that one was more me, so I went along with it. ’
I feel sad thinking of that younger version of me, forgoing the dress I really wanted, opting for the one I thought I should have rather than the one I loved.
‘What about you?’ Hayley asks Dot. ‘I understand you’ve been married twice. What were your dresses like?’
‘The first was satin, with long sleeves and a bit of beading on the bodice. The second time I wore a cream skirt suit.’
‘Did either of them make you feel the most beautiful you’ve ever felt in your life?’ Hayley asks.
‘No,’ she says. ‘But I don’t know if I need a dress for that. Every day with Mabel makes me feel like that. But no day with Tommy did. And with Geoff, it was different, with it being a marriage of convenience.’
What Dot said, about every day with me making her feel her most beautiful, it makes me ache.
Hayley squeals. ‘Dot and Mabel, I couldn’t be more excited about this wedding. If you’ll let me help, I’d love to do it for free.’
‘No,’ Dot and I both say at once. This is her livelihood, and we are clients. She shouldn’t have to work for nothing.
‘There’s no need,’ I say, glancing at Dot, who nods eagerly. ‘We’d love to hire you to help plan our wedding, Hayley.’
We decide another glass of fizz is in order, but there’s only a dribble left in the bottle, so Sean pops out to the little supermarket.
While he’s gone, Hayley talks nonstop about some of the weddings she’s planned in the past, scrolling on her phone and showing us photos and ideas.
My head is spinning, but it’s a happy spin.
We’ve finished the second bottle when Erin comes home. We do the introductions and then Erin collapses on the sofa as if she couldn’t possibly walk another step.
‘How do you think it went?’ I ask.
She lets out a groan. ‘Okay, I think.’ She turns to Hayley. ‘So you exclusively plan gay weddings?’
‘That’s right,’ Hayley says, grinning. ‘I went to a lot of boring weddings when I was younger and I couldn’t stop thinking about what would make them more fun, or reflect the people getting married more accurately.
When my friends started getting married, they always asked me for my input and one day I thought, I’m going to make a career out of this, and I walked out of my telesales job without even taking my headset off!
It wasn’t gay weddings only at the start, but I started being asked to do more weddings than I could fit in, and a big chunk of them were gay weddings, so I thought I’d specialise. ’
‘Cool,’ Erin says. ‘If I ever get married, I’ll know where to come.’
The thought of Erin getting married gives me a sharp pang, and I’m not sure quite what it is, but I know it’s a mix of feelings, including joy and fear that I might not be around for it.
‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ Hayley asks.
Erin screws up her face. ‘Sort of. It’s on and off. We’re both going to different unis after the summer, so…’
For the first time, she doesn’t look heartbroken at the idea of things not working out with Hannah, and I think perhaps she’s changing.
Maturing. Her mum’s death has put things into perspective for her, I know, and while I wouldn’t wish that sort of loss on anyone, I think she’s making the best of it.
I’m proud of her, and I make a mental note to tell her later.
‘We have to get going,’ Sean says. ‘I’m doing a night shift tonight.’
‘We really appreciate you both coming all this way,’ Dot says. ‘It was lovely to meet you, Hayley.’
They leave in a flurry of kisses.
‘I can’t believe you’ve got an actual wedding planner,’ Erin says. ‘So this is really happening, huh?’
‘It is,’ I say. ‘And soon, too. We’re thinking about September.’
Erin blows her hair out of her eyes. ‘September,’ she repeats, as if she’s trying it out to see what she thinks. ‘Sounds good.’
I ask Dot if she’s up to a walk, and she says she is, so we get our things together and go to Kirsty’s to collect Olly. She takes the lead and I hold her other hand, and we wander with no destination in mind, just enjoying the sunshine, and the fresh air, and being together.