The Last Page

Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Henry

“Philip K. Dick is one of the best sci-fi writers in history and Time Out of Joint is supremely underrated. If you like ominous books that’ll make you question your own existence, this one is for you.”

—Rich’s Staff Pick

Any progress I made in cleaning Leo’s apartment was completely undone when I emptied out his storage unit.

I figured I’d come out with a couple of boxes of clothes, but nope.

Most were boxes of papers. Some of them were trash, like receipts.

But some of them were … artifacts. My dad’s old report card, a drawing he made when he was a kid.

“You just need to do it section by section,” Charlie said.

My phone was propped up on a stack of books in Leo’s living room as we FaceTimed.

Similarly, I was propped up in his garage as he did some cleaning of his own.

When he called, I initially let it go to voicemail, but he spammed me with texts:

You have no plans. Call me.

Henry, I know you’re not busy.

Are you going to ignore your best friend?? We can have a cleaning date!

I want to see Leo’s cat. C’mon man.

Call me.

Charlie and I were opposites in a lot of ways. He was charismatic, the kind of person that easily laughed and made others laugh. Everyone wanted to help him out. Honestly, Ella reminded me a lot of him.

I wished I were like him, but for so long, my depression was debilitating.

My brain assumed that no one really liked me or wanted to take the time to get to know me, so I stayed away.

I didn’t think I was worth the work, and sometimes I still doubted all of it.

There were days where being lonely and sad was a comforting blanket, but some days it was a spiral I’d get lost in.

My friendship with Charlie never made me feel that way, though.

I knew he’d spam my phone until I called him, and now I was roped into a “bro date.”

“Dude,” Charlie had said. “We can’t let fragile masculinity prevent us from appreciating each other’s friendship.”

Charlie walked back and forth past the camera, carrying various tools and items. “Trust me,” he called out. “It’ll be easier if you just focus on one space to clean out, then move on to the next.”

“That’s not the only problem,” I said, standing in the center of the living room. I surveyed the space around me. “I don’t really know what to keep or throw out.”

“Keep your baby pictures. Then send them to me.”

“No.”

“Worth a shot. That would’ve been blackmail material for years.”

I smothered a laugh and said, “I’m saving yours for a rainy day.”

“Let me see Emily,” Charlie demanded.

“I don’t know where she is.”

“It’s a small apartment, where could she even be hiding?”

“You never know with her,” I said. “Some days I’ll see her as soon as I walk in and other days I’ll wake up with her on my chest.”

Charlie cursed, a loud clang emitting from my phone. “Fuck, I can’t keep dropping this shit.”

We met years and years ago in middle school.

He took me under his wing when I first moved to Tennessee.

He was the one who got me to join the football team in high school, and we played together all throughout college, too.

I wasn’t always good at making friends, but I was always good at being friends with Charlie.

He was the best friend I ever had and probably ever would have.

When I first moved to Tennessee after my dad died, I had a hard time letting anyone else in.

I couldn’t wrap my mind around him being gone and I was terrified that anyone else I loved would just leave.

I worked through it in years of therapy, but growing up, I never really craved friends.

I had my walls built up high and I liked it that way.

Charlie was the only one who ever really broke through.

Charlie, on the other hand, was a social machine, donning many hats.

He found the idea of doing one thing for the rest of his life unsatisfying.

He coached the Little League football team for an elementary school, but also ran a woodworking shop out of his garage.

Every so often, he’d take on a part-time gig, like working at a smoothie shop for fun.

He’d never admit it, but he loved to volunteer at our local library just to spend time with Ava, who worked there as a librarian.

They were longtime family friends, but how Charlie really felt was obvious.

“You can’t afford any new stuff,” I warned. “Don’t break anything.”

“Hey, you’re off the clock,” Charlie replied. “Working for free is bad business.”

“So is going into debt,” I shot back.

I was basically Charlie’s accountant. Once Charlie told me he had twenty dollars in his checking account and that he had no savings account, so I decided someone had to be in charge.

But he was talking out of his ass about working for free.

He pays me in beers whenever we go out to our local brewery in Knoxville, Yee-Haw, which was good enough for me.

Charlie updated me on his life back home. Every so often he’d ask what I’d been up to, but I redirected it.

Not just because I hadn’t been up to much except for work, but the more I cleaned, the more emotional I got.

I should’ve never looked at it like this, but in the back of my mind The Last Page was my safety net.

My indulgent fantasy I could run away to when I was ready to make a change and dig myself out of this rut Charlie claimed I was in.

When I opened a box with my dad’s school pictures, I shut it immediately.

I’d run into some memorabilia of him, but I knew this would be much more intense.

It’d been years since his death, but some days …

it hit me hard. I’d never know him as a man, only a father.

Same with Leo. But that was my own doing.

“Didya hear me, Henry?” Charlie said.

“Sorry, sorry, Ava said what?” I asked.

“Come to the phone.”

“No thanks, I’m—”

“Come on, bud, lemme see you,” Charlie called.

Rolling my eyes, I moved to stand in front of the camera. Charlie leaned in close to his phone, scrutinizing me.

“Are you really doing okay up there?”

“You don’t have to worry about me,” I lied.

“Not the question I asked.”

“I’m fine.”

“Dude,” Charlie said, moving away from the camera. “It’s okay to not be okay, you know. Do you think you’re healing from all this stuff? Or hurting?”

I furrowed my brow. “Where did all this therapy speak come from?”

Charlie brightened, smiling. “You inspired me! I’ve started reading some self-help books. I think Ava’s a little jealous because she’s been trying to turn me into a reader for a while—”

“Ask her out already,” I interrupted.

Charlie frowned. “We’re just friends. Anyway, don’t evade my question.”

I hesitated. “It’s been a little hard. To be surrounded by Leo all the time without being able to apologize.”

“You know he’d forgive you,” Charlie said softly. “Don’t stress over that, man.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I said noncommittally.

“I know I didn’t know him, but he didn’t sound like the kind of man to hold a grudge. Especially over you.”

“I just wish I could talk to him,” I confessed, like it was some big secret. Like he couldn’t see on my face how badly I wanted to lay it all bare.

“Think of cleaning out the apartment as doing that,” Charlie said. “Walk in his space. It’s not weird if you talk to him while you’re in there. Even if no one responds.”

My eyebrows raised. “Wow, those self-help books are perceptive.”

“I know,” Charlie said, excited. “I even started a Goodreads account.”

“Bona fide reader,” I replied, smiling.

“Did you talk to Ella yet?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know the right way to do it,” I confessed. I tried to talk with her privately, but per usual, it blew up in my face. I’d have to do it soon. “I want to be delicate, but it’s obvious she hates me.”

Charlie shot me a look. “No one could hate you. She just doesn’t know you, Henry. Bite the bullet, alright? I’ll be here when you do.”

When Charlie hopped off, I kept up with the cleaning, trying to figure out how to pack up all of Leo’s life while my own was unraveling. Thread by thread, it was running in the wind as I tried to snatch on something to ground myself. But it was harder with Leo’s ghost haunting the apartment.

I could barely step into his office at The Last Page without grimacing, recalling the fight. Remembering how I packed my bags in a huff, how he tried to stop me but I pushed past him … that’s what really haunted this apartment.

Twelve Years Ago

My favorite place to work in The Last Page was next to Leo’s desk. It felt like the desk right next to his was mine. The whole summer, no one else worked there, and I loved being so close to him.

But if I had to hear the words “when you take over” one more time I was going to blow.

I could only stay for a month this summer. Football practice was starting up again at the end of July and I couldn’t miss it. Still, I was making the most of my time here with Leo. Some days I’d leave early and other days we’d stay late and close the store down, catching a movie after.

Leo and I were working at the back desk, Leo helping some customer out.

“No, no, if you like sci-fi, you’ll like this, too,” Leo insisted, placing the book in their hands. “Trust me, it has everything you’re looking for.”

The customer walked away smiling and I turned to Leo in awe.

“How do you do that? Just know exactly what someone’s looking for.”

“It comes with experience,” he explained gently. “I’ve read so much, so I know so much. The same will happen to you, son. When you take over, you’ll be able to recommend books at the drop of a hat.”

I shot him a tense smile and before I could respond, another customer ambled up to Leo’s side.

Double-checking that he wasn’t looking, I opened up the tab on my computer for my Common App essay.

Our guidance counselor had recommended we start thinking about what we wanted to write about when it came time for college applications.

But what was the point? This whole summer, Leo had been talking about what would happen when I took over the store. Like there was no other option, really.

If I was destined to take over the store, why would I even go to college?

I tried not to let my annoyance fester with Leo, but I woke up most days sad and listless. My whole life was laid out ahead of me and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted it. Nothing felt like mine anymore. For so long, everything had felt unpredictable, and now it was all planned. I hated it.

“Hen, you know what I was thinking?” Leo said, turning to me. “Why don’t we have a day where I show you the real ins and outs of the store? Once it’s yours you’ll need to know all of this stuff, and it’s never too early.”

“It might be,” I said, my voice strained.

Leo scoffed. “Never! C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

Anger bubbled inside me. I clicked out of the screen and said, “I’m taking my fifteen.”

I moved my way through the store, up to Leo’s office, hoping for a little bit of privacy. The booksellers here liked to pry into people’s personal lives, but I was tired of everyone having a say in mine.

In Leo’s office, I sat in his chair, staring at the wall, just trying to cool down.

It had been a summer of forcing this store on me and I was exhausted by it.

Last summer, I was able to just enjoy it all.

I worked registers and main info, like I was just a bookseller.

It was obvious this summer that I was Leo’s grandson.

“Henry? You in here?” Leo’s office door creaked open. I looked over to find his head creaking in. “Hey, bud, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just need some space.”

“Henry, it’s clear something’s going on with you,” Leo said. His brows were drawn down in concern. He pulled his reading glasses off his nose so they hung on the chain around his neck. “You haven’t been the same this summer.”

“No, you haven’t,” I retorted, unable to hold it in anymore.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“All summer you’ve been telling me who you want me to be and what I have to do.”

His eyebrows bunched together. “Is this about the store?”

“Of course it’s about the store! It’s always about the store. I don’t want to take over The Last Page.”

Hurt and shock rippled across Leo’s face. “Henry, it’s your birthright. Maybe it’s happening sooner than you wanted, but your dad was going to, and then you. That was the plan.”

“And where’s my say in it?”

“You love the store.” Leo studied me, obviously blindsided by my feelings. I had kept them bottled up for so long that now they had no choice but to explode out of me.

“No, you do. It’s all you care about. Not me, not what I want.”

Leo sighed, falling into the chair across from me. “Henry, I know it’s been a hard few years with your dad passing and you and your mom moving to Tennessee, but this will be good for you.”

“I’m not my dad,” I said hotly. “You can’t put that on me.”

“You’re acting childish,” he said, shaking his head. “Why don’t we have this conversation when we’ve both calmed down?”

“I’m not going to do it,” I said decisively. “You can’t bully me into wanting this.”

“So what? This store goes to God knows who?” I’d only ever seen Leo angry a few times in my life. His voice became harsher, his eyes narrowed. “What’ll you do instead? Play football until you ruin that brain of yours?”

“I’ll go to college. I’m not going to be stuck here forever like you,” I shot back.

“No, you’ll be stuck in Tennessee, as if that’s better.”

I stood from his chair so quickly it pushed behind me. “That’s my decision. It’s my life, Grandpa, not yours. Just because my dad didn’t care you had his life all mapped out doesn’t mean I don’t.”

“Your dad wanted this store.”

“I’m not him,” I nearly shouted. “I’m me. You can’t just put me in as a placeholder for him and expect me to like it.”

“Henry, settle down.” Leo also stood, holding his hands in front of me. “Maybe you’re right, maybe this is all a bit premature. Why don’t we discuss it—”

“My mind is made up. I don’t want this. I won’t live my life vicariously through other people or books. I’ll have my own life, far away from you.”

With that, I stormed out of his office and out of the store. I walked to the pier, swiping angrily on my phone. When my mom answered, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.