Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Henry
“Even though you probably wouldn’t GET Babayaga by Toby Barlow because to some it’s ‘convoluted,’ to me it makes perfect sense. It spoke to my soul.”
—Jack’s Staff Pick
Ella and I were spending every day from sunup to sundown together. I felt like a rope, fraying at the edges with wanting her. It was the simplest things that made it all the worse.
I loved her peal of real laughter. She had a fake customer service laugh she’d often put on while we were at an info desk or registers.
But when she spoke to me or one of the booksellers, this belly laugh came out and I couldn’t even remember what was funny because I was so turned on.
Or her mind. Her brain was a black hole of literature.
Once, a customer asked for “an odd collection of short stories” and without missing a beat Ella recommended Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus.
It was written all over my face that I thought she hung the moon.
“I don’t know much about Peru,” I admitted between customers one afternoon. I’d finally gotten the hang of working the registers, but I was still the slowest one on the cashier line. “I know about Machu Picchu, but I think that’s kind of where it all ends for me.”
“You’re lucky my dad isn’t here—he’d draw a map of Peru and explain each region,” Ella said. “It’s really important to my parents that we carry on our heritage and keep certain traditions alive.”
“Like what?”
“Well, birthdays are a big deal. So I go home for each of my family members’ birthdays.
And it’s customary in Peru to wear black for a year after someone’s death.
You’re not supposed to dance or go to parties, but my family isn’t as strict as others.
I don’t wear all black like some do, but I try to wear at least one black article of clothing.
My family has been, too, since he died,” Ella said quietly.
I gave her a sad smile. Ella had integrated Leo into every part of her life and although he was physically gone, the impact he left on her obviously wasn’t. “That’s why. I’ve been wondering why you’ve been wearing so much black when you seem like someone who loves color.”
Ella gave me a grim smile. “I do. I guess it just feels like a lot of the color in the world is gone without Leo.”
“I think you’re painting this store back to life,” I said quietly.
Before she could answer, Lyle called out, “Are you two still flirting or are you going to help us with this line?”
I looked past Ella and there was a line of customers waiting, holding their books. Ella called one down and shot me an embarrassed grin.
Later, during an after-hours book fair planning meeting, Ella was trying to quiet the booksellers. She kept banging her hand on her clipboard, but they spoke over her.
“I think Henry should lead the meeting,” Mabel said. “I feel like there’s a power imbalance in this relationship.”
“I think Henry’s the strong and silent type,” Ren said. “Ella’s in charge now, but …”
“Oh you’re so right!” Mabel agreed. “He definitely leads the way in the bedroom.”
“Mabel,” Ella said incredulously as I started coughing. “Enough. Let’s focus up. I’m leading the meeting. Henry’s taking notes and you all are listening.”
“I guess we know that Ella’s the mouthy type,” Joey muttered.
“Joey, I will kick you off the drag queen committee,” Ella threatened, pointing a finger at him. “We’ve got a few agenda items to get through and then you all can go home.”
Ella read from her clipboard, going through each item.
There was too much work to do at the store each day to plan things with the booksellers during work hours.
Ella and I hated that we had to ask the booksellers to occasionally stay after hours with no pay, but none of them complained.
Still, to make up for it, Ella dipped into her own pocket to pay for pizza and cupcakes at every meeting.
“We need to turn the first floor into an actual street fair,” Ella said. “Ren, how’re the wooden booths coming? You’re leading the charge on designs, right?”
Ren nodded. “Yep. I have a few more thing to paint, and then we’re good to go. I do need a few more things, though.”
They handed a paper to Ella, her eyes widening as she read each thing off the list. She straightened, though, lifting her chin.
“No worries,” Ella said calmly. “Henry and I’ll get it all this week. The sooner we have all this stuff the better.”
David raised his hand from the back of the room.
We were sitting in the event space that Julie had transformed.
Fairy lights hung low and she kept the chairs unfolded even when there weren’t events for easier setup.
The events had been flourishing ever since she’d taken over.
It wasn’t enough to save the store, but it certainly wasn’t hurting.
“Ella, do you two need us to contribute money—”
Ella held up a hand, cutting him off. “Nope. We’ve got it, but I appreciate the sentiment, David.”
She had been asking me to keep her updated on the budget, but I just kept reassuring her we were fine.
The truth was, the budget for the fair was tight and we were quickly using all of it up.
So, I decided my card would be the one going into debt.
Not the store. I wanted to do it—for this home Leo had found and forged and Ella continued to build and make stronger.
“Rich, how’re ticket sales looking?”
He winced, his hand cupping the back of his neck. “You know how they say ignorance is bliss?”
Ella sighed, trying to hide her frustration. “We’re still not sold out?”
“We’re almost there, though. About a hundred away.”
Ella nodded. “That’s fine. Let’s just keep trying. Joey, can you make some more posts?”
“Of course,” he said.
We were standing in the front of the event space and she stepped back, nearly tripping on her own feet. I reached a hand out to steady her, my hand falling on her lower back and the other gripping her waist. She shot me a grateful look before Mabel sighed heavily.
“Is anybody else suddenly all hot and bothered?” Mabel said, fanning herself.
“I miss Stewart,” Joey mumbled.
“I’m right here.”
“Let me rephrase, I miss hooking up with you in Espionage.”
“If Ella and Henry can hook up in Espionage, why can’t Joey and Stewart?” Mabel asked, confused. “That’s discrimination.”
“No one should be hooking up in Espionage,” Ella cried. “And there is nothing going on between us. Look, we need to focus.”
“The store is in danger, y’all,” I added quietly. “I know I don’t have much authority here, but we’re coming down to the wire. I’m reviewing the numbers each day and if the book fair doesn’t work out …”
The words lingered in the air, everyone sobering up.
Ella shot me a grateful look. I hated to bring the mood down, but Ella’s frustration and stress was seeping over to me.
I didn’t want this anxiety to turn into creating binders and reports and brainstorms on how to fix this.
That wrinkle between her brows became ever present and all I wanted was to reach over and smooth it out.
“I’ll reach out to more food vendors,” Rich spoke up, clearing his throat. “I’ll go outside our target list.”
“I’ll see if we can get some more donations.”
“Thank you,” Ella said quietly. “Let’s just leave it there tonight, okay? I’ll send out a recap email and if you all have any questions, just ask. Get home safe everyone.”
The booksellers chattered as they gathered their things. Ella turned toward me, hugging her clipboard to her chest.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything,” I said quickly. “I was just trying to support—”
“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “I’m glad you did say something. Sometimes I feel like we’re the only ones who take this seriously …”
“It’ll work out,” I said softly, cupping her elbow, my thumb moving back and forth on her skin. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I just wanted to comfort her. To touch her or hold her. “We’re not down to the wire, either, Carmella. Don’t read into that. I was just trying to get their attention.”
“Okay, I trust you,” she said, resolute.
Trust from anyone was something precious, but from Ella it was rare.
It was made of glass and one small chip would lead to a million factures.
I’d always treasure it because I knew she’d rather take care of things herself—because she knew she could trust herself.
But to be given this trust from her mattered to me more than anything anyone else had ever given me.
“Don’t worry, I’m serious. It’ll all work out.”
“I hope so,” Ella said, gazing up at me. And I wished beyond anything that the thing that would work out would be us, too.
Ella and I stayed after the task force meetings most nights.
Painting miscellaneous signs, moving tables and merch stands, trying to figure out the best way to organize it for the day of the fair.
We’d work until our eyelids would slip us between reality and our work was sloppy. Tonight was no different.
There was this unspoken tension, like a string tethered to each of us, getting tighter and tighter.
We tried to ignore it every time we got caught in the same aisle while shelving or when her foot knocked against mine when we sat at Leo’s desk.
But late at night, it was most obvious with our sidelong glances and comfortable silence.
I knew if I started something with Carmella, I wouldn’t want it to end. She was the kind of person you only ever found once in a lifetime. Loving her would feel like that, too. I’d always wanted a relationship where we were best friends before everything else.
It’d be better to walk away without ever knowing how good it could be between us.
Besides, if all went according to plan, I’d be gone by fall. Even if my mind was changing bit by bit.
“I think I’m getting boils on my feet,” she said, placing a can of paint on the floor in front of her.
Still sexy as hell.
“You’re not,” I replied, not even looking up from the wood I was painting. “You’re a hypochondriac.”