Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Ella
“I think everyone hopes to find love like this one day. Love at First by Kate Clayborn answers the question of ‘What if?’ ”
—Ella’s Staff Pick
Henry pushed me inside my apartment, my back swiftly hitting the door once he shoved it closed. I laughed into his mouth, unable to stop smiling all night.
The book fair had been successful enough that we had at least another year in operation.
Henry explained that we’d need to keep the momentum up, but we’d made enough to dig us out of the hole.
There was a new energy among the booksellers, a refound passion for the store, and I doubted we’d have to worry about The Last Page ever again.
We had quickly closed up the store and headed toward Fiddlesticks Pub, not too far away, for celebratory drinks.
Somewhere along the way, Henry and I decided the energy of keeping us a secret wasn’t worth it anymore.
His hand found mine underneath the small wooden tables, or gripped my knee, pulling me closer.
But we weren’t as bad as Stewart and Joey (who had apparently professed their love for each other, according to Henry?), who were making out so intensely that I will be scarred by the image of Stewart’s tongue until I’m long gone.
Henry and I were eager for our alone time but weren’t entirely over the weirdness of being together in Leo’s apartment. On the subway to my place, the train car had been nearly empty. We were wrapped up in each other, stealing kissing and swapping smiles all the way to my front door.
“I can’t get enough of you,” Henry murmured, pressing his length against me. His hand snaked around my head, creating a barrier between me and the door. He ran his nose down my neck, pressing a light kiss when he reached the base. “I swear I’m spotting a half hard-on most days at the store.”
“You don’t even know, Henry,” I said breathlessly. “It’s almost gotten worse since that first kiss.”
“I know,” Henry said, tangling his hand in my hair. He captured my mouth with his, giving me fervent, desperate kisses. “I like it better this way. I like being able to say I’m obsessed with you.”
“You’re too good to be true. I love it,” I whispered. I love you, I wanted to say.
Henry dragged me from the door to my bed. He lay on top of me, his broad hips between my legs, spreading them. Our kisses were messy, sloppy. Like we were too excited for the next kiss to focus on the one we were currently having.
I pulled at the bottom of his shirt, lifting it over his head. There were buttons down my denim dress and he ripped them open as I pulled the shirt underneath off. He sighed at the sight of me solely in my underwear.
“Fuck,” he muttered, pushing his jeans against the wet spot on my underwear. “That for me?”
“Always.” I moaned at the sensation. The friction and pure roughness of his jeans against me made me screw my eyes shut, ragged breaths leaving my mouth. “Henry, I—”
“I’m taking my time with you,” he said, interrupting me. “You’ll be okay, honey.”
His mouth met mine again as he began to slowly thrust against me, still with his jeans on.
I could feel the length of him and the roughness of his denim and I wanted more.
My hips met his, urgently. But he chuckled, pulling back.
He’d give and take just like that, keeping me on the edge of something more, but refusing to let me get there.
He pulled the cups of my bra down, pinching a nipple before leaning down to soothe the burn with his mouth.
He just barely sucked my nipple into his mouth, before biting down a little roughly with his teeth, eliciting a moan from me.
I was dripping at this point, desperate for more of his touch.
My underwear was still on and completely soaked through.
I don’t know how long he teased me like this, with just the promise of a touch, but it could’ve been hours.
When he caught me rubbing my thighs together, desperate for some friction, he gripped one of them. His hand was splayed across my skin, holding me open.
“Please,” I begged.
“Okay, honey,” he murmured sweetly. “You’ve been so good.”
His hand inched toward my core as he began kissing down my body. But as he reached my navel, I stopped him.
“Switch with me,” I said, more of a plea than anything else.
Henry looked up at me through his beautiful lashes. Nothing compared to the sight of him in just glasses and jeans. I’d spend the years to come picturing this exact moment.
“Switch?”
“I want to be on top.”
He shook his head, blowing out a breath. “I’m not done—”
“Trust me?” I asked.
Henry jerked his chin, motioning for us to switch. He lay back on my bed, placing his hands behind his head, making his biceps look even bigger. I placed a gentle kiss on his lips before moving to the foot of my bed where I tugged off his jeans and boxers in one fell swoop.
“Ella, what’re—”
“Hush,” I commanded. “I’m trying to focus.
His length was laying against his stomach, a smattering of hair at the base.
I leaned forward and gave the head a small kiss.
Henry’s head pushed into the pillow and he blew out a deep breath.
“Alright, message received. The teasing is torture. Get on top, put me in your mouth, do something,” he begged, his voice a low growl.
I slipped the head into my mouth, my tongue wrapping around the tip. I sucked slightly and Henry’s hand found my hair, applying gentle pressure. I let him guide me up and down his shaft for a moment before removing my mouth with a pop, meeting his gaze.
Before he could say anything, I sat up. He watched as I moved on the bed so I was straddling his face, my back to the headboard.
“Fuck yes,” he growled, yanking my hips down. His tongue met my slick heat immediately, finding my clit and sucking hard. I gasped at the sensation, reveling in the feel of him. He lapped at me, alternating between his tongue penetrating me and sucking my clit.
My thighs trembling just a bit, I leaned down to take him into my mouth. We moaned together in relief. Henry was so big it was hard to take all of him, my jaw stretched open. His hips pumped up, desperate to get more in my mouth. Inhaling through my nose, I took him deeper, my cheeks hollowing out.
His low groan vibrated on me, pulling my hips farther back, trying to get me closer. He licked inside of me as I began moving my hips so my clit brushed against his nose. His hand fell harshly on my ass when I got him all the way into my mouth.
I moved my mouth up and down on him, sucking him, trying to get him off. And when he slipped a finger inside me, I broke, coming hard. He slipped out of my mouth as I called out for him, taking deep breaths. But Henry was relentless, pumping his finger in and out quickly.
“Henry, please,” I said through my orgasm. “I want—”
He guided me off of him as he sat up, his back against my headboard. He lifted me by my waist and in one fell swoop, sat me on his cock facing him. He hissed at the sensation as I pressed my forehead against his shoulder, sensitive and trying to adjust.
“Go on then,” he muttered against my ear. “You can ride my face, now show me how you ride my cock.”
He pressed a kiss against the side of my neck as my hips began to move. Back and forth, up and down—the pleasure was all consuming.
“So good,” he said, his voice a growl right in my ear. “Always perfect.”
“You’re so big this way,” I gasped out.
“And you’re so fucking tight.” His hand landed on my ass again in a resounding smack. With a burst of energy, I sat up, placing my hands on his chest. He leaned back, watching the point where we met as he slipped in and out of me. “You make me crazy.”
I began moving faster, chasing the feeling as he hit the exact right spot. My head was thrown back until he grasped my chin and tilted my face down until I met his gaze.
“I want to see you come,” he said. “Want to see what your eyes look like when I fuck you good like this.”
“Henry,” I choked out. “I’m so close.”
He pressed his thumb against my clit, rubbing in quick circles, and it was all over for me. I collapsed onto him, clenching in quick pulses as I came. Henry wrapped his arms around my back, and pushed up into me in quick, hard thrusts.
“Fuck, Carmella,” he muttered. “I love fucking you with your taste still in my mouth.”
“I want you to come inside me,” I begged. “Please, Henry.”
“Goddamn it,” he muttered with a low groan, spilling inside me. His grip around me didn’t lessen, though. He held me tight as we both took in deep breaths after our release.
My head was buried in his neck and I pressed light kisses against it. I reveled in the feel of his skin against mine, the hardness of his muscles. I didn’t know if I’d get to feel this for much longer.
“I don’t wanna move,” I said into his neck, my voice tired.
“You don’t have to,” Henry said, smoothing my hair down my back. “Stay here as long as you want.”
“Well, I should rephrase,” I said, pulling back to look at him. “I don’t want to move, but my knees fucking hurt.”
Henry laughed and gently lifted me off him so I was lying next to him in the bed. I looked up at him as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“Stay here,” he said softly. He slipped out of bed toward my bathroom and returned with a warm washcloth. Quietly, he cleaned me up. He wiped the insides of my thighs, so gently and tenderly it brought tears to my eyes.
I vowed then I’d always remind Henry how much he was loved, too. I’d be there when all he wanted to do was sleep and hide away from the world. Remind him that he had me whenever he thought he was lonely.
He settled into the bed next to me and opened his arms for me to crawl into. He held me tight, my head against his chest. I could hear it beating, fast, just like mine.
“Henry,” I whispered into the dark. “I want you to stay. So bad.”
“I want to stay,” Henry said, quietly. “I want to stay … more than I’ve wanted anything, Ella.”
“Then stay.”
“You know it’s not so easy …”
“If this year has taught me anything, it’s that plans were meant to change.” I sat up and looked down at him. “You won’t be lonely here. You won’t ever have to worry about that. I know all of this between us is new, but doesn’t it feel old? Doesn’t it feel familiar?”
He cupped my face, his thumb sweeping over my cheekbone. His smile was so sad. Sadder than I’d ever seen it and I truly believed he was sad when he first got here. He was lost and struggling and he wasn’t doing that anymore. But in the dim light of my room, his eyes were saying goodbye.
“Meeting you felt just like walking back into The Last Page. Like I’d spent my whole life there, even if I hadn’t been there for a long time.”
“I know I’m being selfish and unfair. But I’ve never felt this restless—this settled—before, Henry. Stay,” I insisted, my voice wobbling.
He shook his head. “I can’t leave my mom. She can’t lose all the Martin men in her life. It wouldn’t be good for her, even if it’d be good for me.”
“You don’t even want to try?” I asked, my voice small, suddenly insecure.
He pulled me closer, my face burrowing into his chest. “Of course I do. But if I stay and something happens to her back home … I’d never forgive myself.”
Tears sprung into my eyes as I nodded. Because I couldn’t really ask him to stay if it meant hurting his family.
“You know one of my favorite books is East of Eden,” I said quietly, my head resting on his chest, my hand intertwined with his.
“One of the big themes is about what it means to be good. If goodness is chosen or inherited. Being around you … I really think you chose it.” I looked up at him, tears slipping down his cheeks.
“So I understand. If you can’t stay because you’re choosing good. ”
“If I were choosing good, I’d be choosing you. I couldn’t have ever predicted this in my wildest dreams. And now all my best dreams are of us. I want to enjoy the week I have left with you, Carmella. Can’t we pretend it won’t end?”
I nodded and lay back down, grasping onto him tight. When had I ever longed so bad for reality? He made life feel like fiction—too good to be true and addictive.
Henry was like turning the first page of a new book. Where the first line captivates you and you have that knowing feeling that you could finish this book in one sitting. Where you read lines and you reread them eagerly, knowing that you’ll return to it.
“Okay,” I said, my voice thick. I closed my eyes, hoping tears wouldn’t fall.
“If I had more time …” Henry trailed off. “The damage was done when we met on the train platform. I’ve had more than enough time to fall in love with you, Carmella. Just one look at you and it’s like my heart is stable and beating wildly. Steady and restless, just like you said,”
I looked up at him. “I love you too, Henry.” Henry gave me a sad smile, pressing another kiss to my hairline.
I never knew love could be such a terrible thing.
It wasn’t fair. That I had to love him from a distance.
That we were two people, who were entirely separate, but wanted to be together.
Who wanted to merge our lives, even if the circumstances wouldn’t fit.
We were two pieces of the same puzzle, just on opposite sides of the square.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I confessed. Tears dropped down my face rapidly, certainly splashing onto his chest. “I don’t want this to end.”
“God me, too,” he said, his own voice thick.
He tugged me closer, as if there was still room between us.
As if our skin wasn’t turning red with the pressure of holding each other to the brink of pain.
“You don’t even know,” he whispered. “I walked away from New York all those years ago with a broken heart and I thought nothing would hurt like that. I was so wrong, Ella. I don’t think this one will repair easily either. ”
“Another Martin boy has broken my heart, too,” I whispered against his chest. “But I wouldn’t trade this for anything or anyone else.”