Chapter 28 Shiloh #2
“It had better not,” I said, her emotion trying to pull out mine.
She leaned into me, and I smelled her jasmine perfume.
“I know Marie is being Marie. And I know a lot of what’s happening tonight is because you’ve been trying to make her see you.
But don’t let her dim your shine, baby. Tonight is your night.
We all see you. I see you, Shiloh. And I know that’s not the same as a mama’s love, but I hope it can make up for what you’re missing. ”
“God, Bibi,” I breathed, hugging her fiercely. “None of this would have happened without you. So long as you’re proud”—I swallowed hard—“nothing else matters. Nothing.”
Bibi dabbed her eyes with a Kleenex from her pocketbook. “Now look at me. I’m a mess.”
“No, you’re perfect,” I said. “And you always have been.”
From beside me, June delicately cleared her throat. “We’re ready.”
I turned to see that night had fallen and that there was more than a small crowd of nicely dressed people gathered outside the shop.
“Are they…” I cleared my throat and tried again. “Are they here for me?”
June beamed. “Shiloh, you are open for business.”
***
The grand opening was everything I’d hoped it would be and better than I’d imagined.
The crowds flowed in and out, sampling the exquisite appetizers and sipping wine circulated by a waiter on a tray.
The store was tiny, but people seemed happy to congregate outside, eating and drinking, then coming in as others left.
Bibi and Bertie sat in folding chairs on the sidewalk, catching up, while Rudy took my mom for a walk downtown.
Amber and some other friends from school stopped by to congratulate me, and a journalist interviewed me between customers, though I hardly had time to talk.
Letitia turned herself into a saleswoman, engaging customers with so much enthusiasm and charm, they could hardly resist her.
Ronan replaced sold items with inventory from the back so none of the displays were empty for long.
Hours later, the last customer left, telling me she thought this shop was just what Santa Cruz needed. “The tourists are going to leave here with something earthy and beautiful to remember the city by.”
Hope swelled to help mute the anxiety that was starting to creep in. Not every day would be a grand opening. I was going to have to work my ass off to stay afloat.
But I’m ready for that too.
I thanked June and the caterers, locked up, then drove with the family back to Bibi’s for a little private after-party.
The talk flowed, and Letitia’s laughter filled the house while Shirley Bassey played on Bibi’s ancient record player.
The women sipped champagne while Rudy and Ronan stuck to beer.
I wished I could’ve had just one glass of the bubbly to celebrate.
But then I will puke and no sexy times with Ronan, I thought, then giggled, giddy from the night. On the other hand, he probably wouldn’t care.
My laughter faded when I saw Mama drain a glass of merlot and pour another. I’d lost count of how many she’d had at the shop. I frowned and went to the kitchen to get her a bottle of water.
Ronan joined me. “When can we leave?” His voice was low and rough with the promise of sex.
“You’re not having a good time?” I said, hiding my smile in the fridge and letting the cool air waft over my face.
“I’m having a hard time keeping my hands off you.”
I turned, a bottle of water in one hand. I filled my other with Ronan’s groin. “Me too, as a matter of fact.”
He leaned in to kiss me when a voice rose in anger from the living room. We both froze as Bertie said loudly, “Oh no, you don’t, Marie. Don’t you dare.”
Bibi, Letitia, and Rudy were on the couch, my cousin holding tight to Bibi’s hand. Bertie stood in the center of the room, her black velvet dress rippling with anger as she leveled a finger at Mama, who was clearly drunk.
“I have to tell her,” Mama said, swaying, spilling merlot on the carpet. “She’s eighteen. She’s…old enough.”
“Tell me what?” I asked, though I knew. Of course I knew.
“Nothing, baby,” Bertie said quickly. “Your mama’s just done a little too much celebrating. We’re going back to the hotel. Rudy…”
My uncle jumped off the couch and spoke soothingly to Mama, but she pushed him away, spilling more wine. “No. I have to do this. I tried before. I can’t…keep it in another minute. Not one…”
“Now?” Bertie cried. “You got to do this now? On her night?”
Ronan’s hand slipped into mine. I held on tight, my mind reeling.
“Yes,” Mama said and spun to find me, one eye shut to keep from seeing double. “Shiloh, you need to know. You needed to know a long time ago.”
“Marie…” Bibi’s voice was low and tremulous. “Not now.”
“Yes, now.”
“Yes, now,” I echoed.
Five pairs of eyes came to me, but I needed to hear it, even if it ruined the perfection of the night.
“I’m starting a new chapter in my life, and I want to know who I am. No more lies. No more secrets.” I looked to my mother, hardened my voice. “Tell me.”
She briefly held my gaze, and I saw the hesitation—the fear—behind her eyes. For a moment, I thought she was going to do what she did last time and try to flee. Instead, tears spilled over, unheeded, down her cheeks.
“They don’t want me to tell you who your father is,” Mama said, flapping a hand in Bertie and Bibi’s direction.
My father. The words seemed alien and strange.
“I should’ve done it a long time ago. But I was scared. And wanted to protect you. But it hurt you instead. My weakness hurt us. Because I look at you…and I see him. And I can’t…”
She half sat, half fell into the dining room chair. I rushed forward and knelt in front of her, even as fear sank cold knives into my chest. “What happened? Tell me now.”
Mama’s head lolled; she was so drunk. “I loved him, but he didn’t love me the same way. He couldn’t have. He couldn’t have.”
“Mama, who?”
“No one,” she answered, her smile sad. Resigned. “He’s no one now. He has no name anymore. He’s just the man who raped me.”
I stared, her words slapping me across the face, brutal and harsh. That word, the ugliest, heaviest word, carrying with it a lifetime of pain.
“That’s all he is,” Mama said. “All he can ever be. Except…he’s not. No matter how I try to make him nothing, he can’t ever be nothing.” She raised her tear-streaked face to mine. “Because he’s your father.”
The ground tipped out from under me, and I fell to the carpet. My heartbeat had slowed to a heavy clanging in my chest, blood rushing to my ears.
“No, I…” I glanced around vaguely, not seeing. My mouth had gone dry. I couldn’t breathe. “It can’t be. He loved you. You said he loved you.”
“I thought he did too,” Mama said sadly, the sorrow emanating off her in waves. “But I told him I wanted to wait.” She shrugged, horrible in its finality. “He didn’t.”
The implications filled me, the cruel truth hollowing me out and leaving me empty.
Because what am I? The product of a nightmare. Mama’s nightmare in the flesh.
I don’t know how long I sat there, but voices surrounded us until the room felt suffocating. Bertie and Bibi and Rudy, all scolding or comforting. Letitia was kneeling next to me, speaking softly in my ear. I wanted to get up and run. I wanted to curl up in a ball right there on the floor.
Then strong arms wrapped around me, and I burrowed into Ronan. Sought refuge in him, clinging to him and wishing I could crawl inside him and be safe.
“Ronan…”
“Shh.” He sounded angry. He felt angry, his body vibrating with it as he held me.
He’d started to lift me, to get me out of there, when the doorbell rang. The house that had been bustling with raised voices suddenly hushed.
Rudy opened the door, and I heard men’s voices, indistinct. Then Ronan tensed around me all over again, holding me tighter.
“Shiloh.” Uncle Rudy’s voice was trembling. “These officers are here to see you.”
He stepped aside, and I saw two uniformed policemen in the doorway. A chill ran through me, leaving me numb. With Ronan’s help, I stood on stiff legs. Bibi had her hand to her mouth. Letitia’s eyes were wide.
“Shiloh Barrera?”
“Yes.” My voice didn’t sound like mine.
“Are you the owner of Rare Earth Jewelry?”
I felt the sledgehammer poised to fall again, about to change my life forever.
“Yes.”
Both men looked grim. Apologetic. “We’re going to need you to come with us.”