2
“Where to next?” I asked, shuffling after him. “There’s a Ben and Jerry’s up the road if you’re springing for dessert before my beatdown.”
“You’re not getting a beatdown, Dowd,” he intoned.
“Then what the fuck do you want with me?”
He stopped at the curb where a black pickup truck with the same Wentz I’d have taken all of it from Shiloh had I been there.
But as Bibi liked to say, wallowing in regret was like choosing to drink from a poisoned well. We can never go back and fix our mistakes, only learn from them.
I glanced at Shiloh, my thoughts full of second chances.
I got the fire going as the sun began to sink into the ocean. More voices approached. Holden strode up, River Whitmore following, both carrying more coolers of food.
They stopped just outside the ring, Holden wearing an expression I’d never seen. Unsure. Nervous.
“Hey,” he said. “Everyone, you all know River.”
River gave a small wave, and it was so good to finally see him here.
Now we’re complete.
Violet gave a little cry and struggled to get out of her chair. Miller helped her to her feet, and she flew at River, hugging him and kissing his cheek.
“So happy you’re here!” She turned to Holden and smacked a kiss on his cheek too while River shook hands with Miller and me. Then Shiloh took her turn kissing Holden and welcoming River into our circle.
“How you doing?” I asked Holden with a grin. He looked dumbstruck, watching River with our friends, here at the shack, talking and laughing.
“Oh, shut up,” Holden said tightly. “You know exactly how I feel.”
“Like you’re so happy, your fucking head is going to explode?”
He nodded, sniffed. He looked at River the way I looked at Shiloh, the way Miller looked at Violet. Like he couldn’t believe something so good was his.
“He looks perfect here, right? Like he belongs.”
“Because he does.” And because I’d had a really good day, I pulled Holden in for a hug.
Holden sagged against me for a minute, then stiffened and shoved me away. “That’s enough out of you, Wentz. I’m already on the verge. I’m relying on you to be your usual unpleasant self or I’m going to lose it.”
I smacked my hand on his back. “How about this? If you ever fucking disappear again…”
He snorted. “You’re one to talk. But fear not. My disappearing days are over.” He flashed his left hand, the setting sun glinting off the silver band—a ring River had commissioned from Shiloh a few months ago. “River has made an honest man out of me.”
“I doubt that.”
Holden’s mischievous smile returned. “He loves to try.”
I rolled my eyes as he joined the group, taking charge of the food and barking orders at everyone.
River approached me, and we clasped hands. “Where’s the little guy?”
“Home with the grandmas,” I said. “Congrats, by the way. You guys set a date?”
“Not yet,” River said, rubbing the back of his neck. “After Holden’s book tour, I guess. Tomorrow, we leave for six weeks. I’d rather stay put, but if he doesn’t travel now and then, he’ll go stir-crazy. Compromise. That’s what it’s all about, right?”
I nodded, and we both looked at Holden, drinking from a bottle of sparkling water and saying something that had Violet clutching her belly with laughter.
“He looks good,” I said. I met River’s eye. “You did that.”
“Nah, he did that,” he said, referring to Holden’s time away, when he wrote his book and got himself dried out. “He worked his ass off. I’m really fucking proud of him.”
“He worked hard for you. He’s happy because of you. Thank you for that.”
River smiled, glanced down. “Well, it goes both ways—that happiness. It runs deep.”
Holden sidled over. “The last thing I need is you two palling around together. Next thing I know, you’re BFFs.” He steered River away. “Ronan’s the most dangerous of us all. Knows all my secrets.”
I chuckled and rejoined Shiloh in the chair beside hers. The night’s hours flowed in laughter, music, and food. Holden had us all clutching our sides at some of his stories, and then Miller would play, his voice carrying across the night, seeping into our bones.
Shiloh leaned into me, her cheek on my shoulder.
Violet sat with Miller in the sand, tucked into his embrace.
River and Holden did the same—Holden wrapped in River’s arms. He wasn’t sleeping, but his eyes were closed, his expression purely content.
“I’m so glad they’re here together,” Shiloh whispered to me. “Now we feel complete.”
“I had the same thought,” I said, except something nagged at me. I watched Miller run his hands over Violet’s belly and knew what it was.
Shiloh felt my eyes on her. “What is it?”
“I want to take you home and put a baby in you.”
Her eyes widened, her face flushing. “I wish you’d say what you really mean,” she teased. “You’re serious? You want…another baby?”
“And this time, I’m going to be there with you every step of the way. From the moment you find out you’re pregnant to the day she’s born.”
“She?”
“Or he. Or them. I can’t go back and be there for all August’s firsts…”
“No, but you’ll be there for his everything else’s,” Shiloh said.
I nodded. “Like the day he becomes a big brother.”
Her eyes flooded, and she leaned over to kiss me; I tasted the salt of her tears and her happiness.
“Okay,” she breathed. “I want that too. I want everything with you, Ronan. Everything this life has to give.” Her smile fell, and I knew her thoughts went to Bibi. “And what it will someday take away.”
“Someday,” I said, brushing the curls off her face. “But not yet.”
She smiled, so goddamn beautiful. “Not yet.”
I pulled her into my lap and held her close until the time came for us to go.
Miller and Violet would be heading back to San Francisco where Violet was set to complete her residency and Miller was finishing his next album.
Holden had his book tour and was taking River with him.
No way to know when we’d all be together again or at the shack.
It felt like one chapter was closing and another opening for all of us.
We said our goodbyes, hugging and kissing cheeks, the women smiling through tears and reminding each other that San Francisco was only a few hours from Santa Cruz.
“You coming, Wentz?” Miller asked as the last of the coolers and chairs were packed up.
“You guys go ahead. I’ll put out the fire.”
The group filed out, and I remained, staring into the flames that were the same as the first time I’d been here.
The beach was the same, the same ocean crashing against the shore, the place giving the same sense of belonging like it had all those years ago.
Only I was different now. Made better by this place and these friends.
I looked up to see Miller approach, a small, crooked smile on his lips. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I said. My voice was gruff. “Stupid. I can’t fucking put it out.”
He nodded. “I know.”
More footsteps. Holden stepped into the ring of light beside Miller.
“Gentlemen,” he said, his voice thick too.
Miller put one hand on Holden’s shoulder, the other on mine. Miller Stratton, our anchor. The homeless kid who’d once pawned his guitar so his mom could eat. The center of us. Our North Star, keeping us from going adrift.
Holden moved to clasp my shoulder, and I gripped his, making the circle complete.
“Guys…” Holden whispered.
“Yep,” Miller said, and I nodded, unable to speak.
No one said another word. No one had to explain or finish the thought. We each felt it. Bone-deep gratitude and love that ran deeper than words.
They’d called us the outcast, the vampire, and the criminal. The Lost Boys. But we were bonded by something stronger than blood or friendship or circumstance. We were soulmates.
And not lost anymore.
THE END