Chapter 6 #2
“I’m late for a meeting.” Colin stalked off, and I buried my face in my hands with a groan. I was really going to have to sit here for the entire afternoon. Again.
I always thought I’d end up in a big city, chasing the thrill of crowded streets instead of pickup trucks lining Main Street.
But with my mom constantly coming and going throughout my childhood, I craved stability.
Every now and then I found myself dreaming of faraway places, but then I’d catch that first glimpse of the sun rising over the mountains and I was reminded of why I stayed.
Apparently, the pipes in the library burst the other week, and Henry had temporarily set up our meetings at Brandy’s.
I couldn’t pretend I didn’t often find myself at Brandy’s, but Henry, or Max for that matter, didn’t need to know this.
I handled this group the same way I handled just about everything in my life, by keeping it at arm’s length.
It was better this way. The only reason I ever attended was because of Colin, who, after the viral incident, insisted that I needed to talk about my mother’s death with someone.
It turns out that, although I could research just about anything, when it came to myself I was not so eager to delve in deeper.
But tonight, I’d decided to attend. I was halfway out of my car when my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Aunt Nell. I swiped to answer, wedging my phone between my shoulder and my ear, so I could pull my handbag from the front seat.
“Hey,” I said.
“Oh, sweetheart, I was just thinking about you,” she said, her voice warm. She had a mother’s voice, despite never having had children. “You know me, I don’t like to pry”—which was a lie—“but I wanted to check in. How’s work? How’s, uh, everything else?”
“I’m fine,” I said, which was a carefully curated response I gave to just about everyone. “I’m actually about to walk into my grief support group.”
There was a pause, and then, delighted, she said, “Olivia! Look at you, taking care of your well-being.”
I bit my lip. Was group therapy really improving your well-being if you never talked about yourself?
“Well, don’t let me keep you,” she continued. “But call me later, okay? Riot and I want to come visit soon.”
Aunt Nell’s new boyfriend, Riot, was a heavily tattooed mechanic with a soft spot for stray animals and my aunt’s chaotic energy. She adored him. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about him yet, but Nell was happy, and that was enough for me.
“Will do,” I said, then hung up and shoved my phone back into my pocket.
I sighed, steeling myself, then pushed open the door to Brandy’s.
The meeting was already underway when I slipped in.
Henry gave me a small smile; I think he was just happy I showed up.
Rita, on the other hand, scowled at me as I scraped one of the barstools noisily across the floor and sat down next to her.
I dug into my handbag, retrieving the latest copy of Us Weekly, and handed it to her.
She softened almost immediately. I did not want to join this grief group.
I’d always believed I was resilient and strong, able to remain poised even with a lifetime of my mother’s remarks—Livvy, why don’t you wear your hair this way?
Livvy, why are you not head cheerleader yet?
Livvy, at your age I was the best in the field!
—and yet I simultaneously sighed relief and sobbed hysterically when she died.
But, despite all my efforts, I couldn’t help but want to know the stories of each member of this little group, and not because that’s what I loved to do but because they’d grown on me.
Emerson was nineteen, she had the entire world at her feet, and it was ripped away from her in an event that took thirty seconds.
Winnie spent just about her entire life with someone she believed was her soulmate, only to wake up in the morning and find he’d left—no note, no explanation, just gone.
Julian was unable to tell his wife he wasn’t sure he wanted to keep trying for more children, because the loss of each one was more painful than the last. Bobby was stuck between the relief of finding himself and the pain that he wasn’t accepted by those he loved.
Gill lost his wife, Edith, and wasn’t sure what to do with the rest of his life, considering she was the center of it for nearly fifty years.
Henry was trying to fix everybody else around him, because he couldn’t fix the cancer that took his brother Jacob from the world.
And Rita drove me up the wall with her constant need to gossip, but her sister had dementia, and most of the time didn’t even recognize her.
Imagine someone you loved your entire life not even remembering your name.
So yeah, I couldn’t help but collect a copy of her favorite magazine every time I saw it.
Strange, this thing called grief. Most days I just wanted to be alone, and yet the moment I was surrounded by these people, I suddenly couldn’t think of being anywhere else.
There was someone new today. She stood apart from the others, shy, seemingly unsure if she really wanted to be there. I knew that feeling all too well.
While she seemed to be listening, the woman remained quiet.
She had soft caramel-brown hair, threaded with golden highlights, honey eyes, and the same quiet exhaustion etched beneath them as everyone else in the room.
But she was also beautiful. Max suddenly asked how I was, and because I was too busy staring at our new member, I didn’t answer.
Max probed again, pulling me out of my reverie, and prompting Rita to nudge me with her elbow. I blushed.
“Hi,” I said clumsily, and Henry gave a little wave. “Hi,” I repeated. “Yes, I’m Olivia.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized I’d said them, and everyone looked at me quizzically.
“Thanks for reminding us, Liv,” Max said. “How have you been?”
“Fine,” I replied.
“Just fine?”
“I heard a joke at work the other day,” I spluttered. My brain had gone into total malfunction.
Henry sat taller. “I love jokes,” he said.
I had no choice but to entertain what I had ungracefully started.
“Why did the scarecrow win an award?”
There was a ripple of murmurs, and I heard Winnie say, “Because he was scary good!” to Emerson.
“Why?” Max asked, with zero emotion across his face.
“Because he was outstanding in his field.”
Henry, to all his credit as the world’s kindest human being, laughed enthusiastically.
The new member gave the smallest of smiles, but it was probably out of sheer pity.
I sunk into my barstool, as Bobby, noting my utter lack of ability to function, offered to read from the latest poetry book he’d found. Thank god for poetry, was all I could think.
I was half hoping Henry might surprise us with the announcement of an open bar after the meeting.
But of course, this was Henry, which meant the familiar clink of teacups was already making its way around the room.
I avoided the tea tray, knowing Gill would corner me if I lingered too long.
He would want to know if I was back to active reporting, and I didn’t have the strength to tell him I wasn’t.
He was utterly delighted about the dog poop throwing incident and thought the suspension was unfair.
But that was Gill. Instead, I made my way to the back of the bar.
In the corner, Emerson and Winnie were sitting close, their heads bent together in low conversation.
Winnie was gesturing animatedly, and Emerson was listening with wide-eyed fascination.
They were probably in deep discussion about birds.
Between Winnie’s encyclopedic knowledge of every species in Colorado, and Emerson’s ability to spot nests and feathers like she was born with binoculars glued to her face, they could spend hours swapping facts and bird-watching stories.
I sat down next to Emerson and leaned in to her ear. “Who’s the new woman?”
“Wren,” Emerson whispered. “Her fiancée died.”
“About a year back, or close enough.” Winnie sighed, and it never ceased to amaze me how sharp her hearing was for a woman going on eighty.
“So, she just ended up in Everston?”
“Henry says she’s staying at Gill’s in exchange for fixing up the place,” Emerson replied.
“Interesting,” I said.
“I swear I’ve seen her before.” Emerson narrowed her eyes. “I just can’t figure out where.”
I looked back over her shoulder, searching for Wren. There was something about her—something magnetic—that pulled at me, a quiet curiosity I hadn’t felt in a long time.