Chapter Twenty
~Toby’s POV~
I caught Paxon haunting the festival, wandering around the edge.
He wasn’t looking at anything, just walking slowly past booths and food tables without really noticing them.
His eyes were unfocused, hands shoved deep into his pockets.
Every now and then, someone called his name, and he pretended not to hear.
I jogged up behind him and called out, “You realize festivals usually involve fun, right? Not brooding in slow motion, acting like you’re in a sad music video.”
He jumped slightly at my sudden presence and then sighed. “Hey, Toby.”
“Hey, Toby,” I mocked, mimicking his low tone. “Dude, you sound like you just found out puppies aren’t real. What happened?”
He didn’t answer. His gaze drifted toward the Hope’s Embrace booth that wasn’t too far off. The one where Cadence had just been helping. His jaw flexed and I didn’t need to ask anymore.
“Ah,” I said, nodding. “That’s where you wandered off to. Did you talk to her?”
“For like thirty seconds,” he muttered. “Then I left.”
“Thirty seconds?” I groaned. “That’s not a conversation, man. That’s a drive by.”
He gave me the faintest glare, but it didn’t stick. His shoulders slumped again. “I don’t know what to say to her. Every time I try, it comes out wrong. Or I don’t say anything at all.”
“Then maybe stop trying to sound right,” I said. “Just sound like you.”
Paxon didn’t respond, simply staring at the ground instead like the answers he needed were there. The silence stretched long enough to annoy me, so I did the only logical thing and grabbed his arm, dragging him to the nearest booth.
“What are you doing?” he asked, startled.
“Saving your mopey ass from self-destruction. We’re going to have some fun. You remember fun, right? You used to laugh before all this emotional constipation.”
“Toby—”
“Nope, no protesting. Step one of the Toby Healing regimen: do something stupid and mildly competitive.”
We ended up at another Project Second Shot booth where we had to toss rings around rubber ducks in a kiddie pool. “Time to give charity to kids while also beating your ass.”
Paxon shook his head, his mouth twitching. That was a small win in my books. We tossed rings. I missed the first one completely and it bounced off the water, hitting the volunteer’s shoe. Paxon landed his perfectly. Of course he did.
“Show-off,” I muttered.
He laughed and for once it looked like there was actual sunlight in all the dark clouds hanging over him.
Wanting to lean into that, I was even more dramatic in tossing my next ring. It missed the entire kiddie pool, skittering across the floor.
Paxon laughed even more. “You’re ridiculous,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said. “But you’re smiling, so mission accomplished.”
For a few seconds, it almost felt normal again. Then his expression slipped and the quiet came back.
“I want to fix things,” he said softly, still watching the rings. “With her. But I keep screwing it up.”
I stopped throwing. “Are you finally ready?”
He blinked and looked at me. “Not going to yell at me like the others?”
I shrugged. “Naw. I’m not good at that kind of thing. You know that you’re crashing and burning. No reason for me to repeat what everyone else—you included—keep telling you. But if you’re ready, then I’m ready to help you. I’ve had a ton of practice making apologies.”
He snorted, knowing how right I was. I was the troublemaker of the group. I’d already gone through my bad boy phase, but quickly got over it, hating how it affected my family and friends.
Paxon mulled over my offer while rolling one of the plastic rings between his palms. “It’s just.... I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like what we’re doing is wrong.”
I frowned. “Wrong how?”
He hesitated. “I grew up in church, Toby. I’m not the most religious guy out there, but I was raised with all the rules.
What’s right, what’s sinful. What love is supposed to be.
And then I look at us and her, and it feels like I’m breaking some kind of law that’s been carved into me since I was a kid.
Like if I go through this, I’m going to wake up in hell. ”
I let out a slow breath. “Okay, but take church out of it for a second. Take all of their rules, sermons, the verses, all that stuff and throw them out. When you’re with her, does it feel wrong?”
He swallowed hard. “It doesn’t. But it feels like it should.”
“There’s a difference,” I said quietly.
He frowned. “There isn’t.”
“Yeah huh.” I pointed a ring at him. “One’s guilt, the other’s instinct. And you can’t build your life on guilt, man. The difference is, five or ten years from now, or even next year, what is going to haunt you more? That you didn’t date her or that you did?”
That shut him up. His jaw tightened, his eyes fixed on the rippling water. Around us, the festival noise carried on, filled with laughter, music, and the thud of basketballs. Life was still moving forward while he tried to untangle himself from everything holding him back.
Finally, he quietly said, “I think I’d regret not trying and I think it’d be a lot sooner than a year from now.”
“Then that’s your answer,” I said. “Forget the noise, the rules. Forget whatever some dude standing in a pulpit said when you were twelve. If being with her feels right, that’s what matters.”
He exhaled slowly, the tension in his shoulders easing just a bit. “Hey, Toby....” He looked over at me, a flicker of resolve breaking through. “I think I have an idea. Can you help me with it?”
I grinned, already knowing my answer. “Hell yeah, man. Come into my office.”
He blinked. “Your what?”
I gestured grandly toward the nearest open classroom door. “My office. Best bad ideas at school are made there.”
He shook his head but followed, muttering, “You’re insane.”
“Yeah,” I said, pushing open the door. “But I’m also effective. Let’s fix this.”
He reached over, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into him for a side hug. “And thanks, Toby. I wished I’d talked to you sooner. You have a way of simplifying things.”
I grinned. “That’s what I’m here for. Let the others beat your idiocy out of you. Afterward, I’ll be there to fix the chaos you left in your wake of self-destruction.”