Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
The creak of Rachel’s door opening and closing woke Matthew from his restless sleep. He’d lain awake until the early hours staring up into the dark wondering what he should do about her. About them. She’d stirred emotions in him he didn’t know he’d been capable of feeling.
I was jealous. Angry. Thank god it was her brother‐in‐law.
Hearing Rachel moving around in the hallway and then her footsteps disappearing, had Matthew sitting upright in bed. In the short time they’d lived at the lodge, he never heard her leave her room at night. After the sort of day she’d had he was concerned about her state of mind.
Maybe she’s had a nightmare.
He waited for a few minutes, just in case she came back. He didn’t want Rachel thinking he was stalking her, but when she didn’t return, Matthew climbed out of bed, slipped on a hoodie, and sweat pants, and went to find her.
Rachel wrapped her hands around her cup of hot chocolate. The heat pained her fingers, but she found the sensation to be oddly comforting. It served to remind her that she was still very much alive.
A little while earlier, she’d woken on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. Her breathing shallow, and her head spinning. This wasn’t her first attack, they’d started during her father’s trial, but as much as she’d grown to understand their cause, they still gave her distress. She tried to talk herself down. To get her mind to calm.
It’s okay, Rachel. It’s just your imagination playing tricks. You’re not dying. You are safe.
She could tell herself these simple facts over and over, but the only tried and true way to deal with these moments of anguish was to go and do something. If she lay in bed, things would only get worse.
She heard Matthew long before he appeared in the kitchen doorway. The sound of his bare feet as they padded on the wooden floor along the hallway was comforting. Times like this it was good to not be alone.
“Hey.” His husky bedroom voice had her smiling.
“Hi.” She nodded to the stove where the pot sat cooling. “There is probably enough cocoa and milk in there if you want a cup. And I left you some of the chocolate chip cookies.”
“Thanks.”
He poured himself a mug of hot chocolate, then came and sat beside her. When his leg brushed against hers it was all Rachel could do to stop herself from bursting into tears. The first inhale of his warm manly scent tore her resolve to pieces. She pushed the cup away and closed her eyes as the tears finally won.
“I was so frightened,” she sobbed.
A strong arm wrapped around her shoulder, and he lay his head against hers. “It’s alright babe, you’re here. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
She had been so strong for so long, always being the rock for her family during the long court trial and financial fall out. It had been her concerted efforts that had seen the family home fetch such a good sale price. The lawyers had taken most of the proceeds but even then, she’d made sure her mother left Atlanta with some grace and dignity still intact.
Today it felt like the past year had finally caught up with her.
I wish I could talk to him about it all.
But Matthew didn’t know anything about her old life, or what she’d been through.
“I really thought I was going to die. But I didn’t. I was rescued without a scratch. You must think I’m pretty stupid for getting so upset.”
He tugged a clean tissue from his pocket and handed it to her. “No, I would never think that about you. I’m just surprised that it took so long for the numbness to wear off and for you to have a damn good cry. I would have been a blubbering mess the minute they set me down in the parking lot.”
She chuckled, imagining a teary-eyed Matthew throwing himself at Dan and hugging him.
“Now, you’re just saying that to be polite,” she said, giving him her best Scarlett O’Hara impression.
His grin warmed her whole body. “No, I’m saying it because I like you and I think people don’t give you enough credit for the amazing woman you are, Rachel.”
Rachel dabbed at her face. “I like you too Matt.” She picked up her mug and took a sip. “This is really good. I’ve been meaning to ask you where you got the drinking chocolate from. Kellie couldn’t find it in the grocery store in Aspen. ”
“I brought it with me from New York. My brother’s fiancée Vivian is testing different responsibly sourced hot chocolate flavors for our US hotels, and she had a few boxes spare. This one is from Ecuador, and I think it’s really rich and smooth.”
Just like you.
She was tempted to say it out loud, but the mood between them was changing. Matthew’s arm was still around her, but he was now rubbing his thumb up and down, sending little sparks of joy spreading out all over her skin.
“Rachel, would you like to come and sleep in my bed tonight? That offer comes with absolutely no obligations on your part. I just thought you might want the comfort of having someone else near. If you are in need of a cuddle, I can also do that.”
She didn’t want to go back to her own bed, and she was too tired to sit up all night hoping to stave off another panic attack. Matthew’s offer was kind. And a welcome one.
He’s a generous soul.
“Thank you. That would be great. I don’t want to be alone.”
He’d been jealous earlier this afternoon.
I wonder if he’s still feeling that way.
Whatever happened in Matthew’s bed tonight, sleep or perhaps something else, Rachel would take what he wanted to give. And if that something else did happen, she would be all in.