Chapter 30
30
After searching my yurt for the third time, I took a deep breath and decided on a calming shower. Hopefully, no one would be in there at this weird, pre-dinnertime.
But Moon was in the shower room, surrounded by a cloud of steam.
“Hi!” she cried as I came in. She stood with her chest out, rubbing shampoo into her hair.
“Oh, hi.” Shit. I could still use the protected shower, but it’d be embarrassing to scurry in there, especially after what had happened at the hot tub last night.
“I’m so glad you’re here. I wanted to talk to you.” She gestured with her chin. “You can put your stuff on that chair over there.”
All right. This was happening. I’d always felt reasonably comfortable around naked women anyway; I regularly went to a spa in Brooklyn with a swimsuit-optional area. I stripped quickly, setting my clothes and towel on top of Moon’s. I turned on the shower next to her, setting down my toiletries.
She stared at me, smiling, as I played with the temperature. She seemed incredibly comfortable, probably more so than when she had clothes on. And for good reason: she looked great. I felt jealousy mingling, at both her appearance and her confidence.
“So you wanted to talk to me?” I squirted shampoo into my hand, feeling resigned. If anyone else came in to shower, they’d see our bodies head to toe.
“Yeah. I’m just so, so happy you’re here.” She soaped up a shower pouf, then rubbed it over her neck and shoulders. She tilted her head, still gazing at me. Was she flirting?
“Me too.” I could play along with the positive, peace-vibes bullshit—I was good at that. And with the shock of the stolen diary still swirling in my mind, I wasn’t up to anything more complicated. “This place you’ve created… It’s just incredible.”
Could she and Sol have taken the diary? Of the other attendees, Jonah and Mikki had both remarked on it. But anyone could’ve come in and searched my yurt.
“Thank you. A lot of people worked really hard on it.” She soaped her breasts. I looked away, my cheeks growing warm. “So I wanted to ask you: What made you come here?”
“Oh.” The easy question relieved me. “Relationship issues. Like everyone else.” When I opened my eyes, she was scrubbing her armpits, looking thoughtful.
“Hmm.” She swabbed her stomach.
“You wanted a different answer?” I tried to sound playful, but a shiver of paranoia ran up my neck.
“Steven said you were in the storage room.” Her amber eyes flicked back to mine. She widened her legs, started soaping between her thighs. I averted my gaze.
“Yeah, sorry. I heard something upstairs…” I washed my arms and belly over and over. I couldn’t clean anything else with her watching me like that.
“You said you listened to the podcast,” she said.
“That’s right.”
“Which episode called you here?” She turned, still smiling.
“The last one. The one where you were talking about that boy you had a crush on.”
“Oh yes.” She nodded. “Carlos. You had a crush like that too?”
“Yeah, in a sense. He was an actor, though. I didn’t know him personally.”
“What actor?”
“Sebastian Smith?”
“Ah.” She grinned hugely. “I remember him.”
“Yeah. He was in that movie Stargirl .” After hesitating, I gestured. “You must’ve seen it, too, right?”
Her eyes remained blank.
“Your tattoo.” I pointed to her shoulder. “That’s from the movie.”
“Oh.” She laughed. “Coincidence. This symbol is from a dream I had as a kid.”
“What does it mean?”
“Who knows?” She shrugged. “I used to draw it over and over. It felt like a map I didn’t want to forget.”
I wasn’t sure if I believed her. But she continued: “Were you an only child, Thea?”
“I was, actually.” How did she know?
“I was too.” She stood. “Well, after my brother died.”
The words jarred me. “Oh. I’m so sorry.”
She shrugged. “A lot of people died in Ciudad Juárez. Carlos? He died too.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, though it felt ineffectual. “That’s awful.”
“It was awful. And it wasn’t my brother and Carlos’s fault.” Her eyes grew red. “They couldn’t have avoided it. The drugs there… and the drug lords’ greed… it’s unfathomable. But you know what? At least I got to know them before they transitioned. And I’ll see them in the next life.”
“For sure.” Catherine had brought up reincarnation too. But it wasn’t that strange for the New Age set.
“You know.” Moon grabbed my hand. “I lost people I loved, and it was hard. Almost impossible. But for you… there was no one there, was there? Just empty space. A void where love and affection should’ve been.”
The words grabbed my throat.
“It was hard for you too,” she went on.
I managed to swallow. “It was.”
“I know.” She stepped forward and grabbed me in a hug, her breasts pressing against my ribs, her head nestling in my neck. She stroked my back. It felt shocking and strange… but as I realized she wasn’t letting go, I relaxed into it and felt unexpectedly soothed.
Some time passed—how long, I had no idea—until she pulled back with a warm smile. “Thank you for sharing this with me. I can tell that you do want to be here.”
“I do.” My eyes were red now, too, but I was able to keep the tears at bay. The last thing I wanted was for someone to come in and see me crying in the nude.
“Okay.” She squeezed my arm, wrapped herself in a towel, and left. I finished up, feeling bewildered. How had I gone from feeling supremely uncomfortable to embracing a naked Moon in the space of a few minutes?
Maybe none of this was ethical. But I had to admit: Moon had something, some ability to leap into people’s deepest, tenderest parts with just a few words.