Chapter 27
INKLINGS
LEILANI
SOMEONE’S SHAKING ME, rattling my skull.
‘Leilani, wake up. Please, wake up!’
Where am I? It’s dark and cold. Something scents the air, bitter like smoke. Am I dreaming again? But no, there’s something spiced behind it. Bay cut with bramble-berries.
I want to sink back into sweet oblivion, return to that other place where my whole body didn’t ache.
A stinging sensation spreads across my left cheek. There it is again. I stir, flutter my eyelids, try to prise them open. They’re so heavy. Another sting. Creeping over my right cheek this time. Why won’t they let me sleep?
I force my eyes open a crack. It’s dark in this place too, though not so dark I can’t see the large blue eyes peering down at me from the halo of turquoise braids. Maris. Her hand is drawn back, ready to slap me again, but she lowers it when she sees I’m awake.
‘We thought we’d lost you. Blayze, come quickly and take her. Take her first.’ She clasps my hands. ‘They’ve broken through, Leilani! We’re getting out of here.’
I try to sit up, but the world spins.
Everything goes dark again.
*
THE GLARE OF sunlight on snow stings my eyes.
I blink. Something warm presses against my shoulders and thighs, fur tickles my face.
I breathe in musk and amber. A jagged pulse beats beneath my ear.
The fragments come together like puzzle pieces, slowly forming a complete picture.
I scramble to free myself, as I realise whose chest I’m crushed against, whose strong arms hold me.
‘Are you able to stand?’ Blayze’s voice is strained, rough.
I crick my neck to look up at him. Some emotion I can’t place flits across his tight, drawn features. Despite the cold, his brow glistens with a sheen of sweat. Serafine’s perched on his shoulder, the burning amber lamps of her eyes searching my face almost as intently as his.
‘I… I think so.’
He sets me down gently, as though I were a thing of glass rather than blood and bone, or perhaps a dangerous substance he’s afraid will explode. I press my heels into the snow, try to stand, but my legs buckle beneath me. Blayze moves to gather me back into his arms.
Astrophel darts to my side. ‘I’ll look after her from here.’
He’s staring at me too. Little furrows carve his brow as he places my arm about his neck and slips his own around my waist, supporting my weight. Blayze opens his mouth to say something, but Astrophel shoots him a warning look. He swallows and stands aside to let us pass.
I look down at myself. Nothing seems amiss. I’m aching and bruised, but I can’t see anything broken.
Astrophel turns back to Blayze. ‘How did you get her out so quickly? I tried to catch you up, to help carry her. But you practically flew up that tunnel.’
Blayze shrugs. ‘Can I help that you move like one of the aged, Peacock?’
Maris stands a few paces behind us, hunched over, supporting Delphine. ‘No, Astrophel’s right. I’ve never seen anyone run like that.’ Delphine is crouched on the snow, gulping the thin, bitter air, trembling and alarmingly pale.
Tansy is a little way ahead of us, stroking Briar’s flank. ‘People perform extraordinary feats in times of crisis,’ she says. Beside them, the cragstalkers lie curled close to one another, panting hard. Heroes, every one of them. I hope I can make them understand how grateful I am.
‘It was nothing,’ Blayze snaps, rubbing the back of his neck.
The contempt in his voice causes something to shrivel in my chest. But what did I expect? Why should Blayze be concerned about my welfare? I almost killed him. I almost killed all of them.
‘What happened to me?’ I stammer, pulling my cloak close to guard against the chill. Making sure the hood is drawn low. Someone must have taken it from Delphine when I collapsed, given it back to me.
‘You had us all worried.’ Astrophel is staring again, studying me with the appraising eye Izarius reserves for his star-maps, his brow pleating as my tutor’s does when he sees something in those records he doesn’t like.
Maybe I sustained a head injury, something I can’t see?
That might explain the spiced scent still haunting me – a delusion.
I raise my free hand to my face, my hair.
But everything feels normal, and my fingers come away clean, no trace of blood.
‘You kept slipping in and out of consciousness. I don’t know if the cold weakened you, or… or what you did before the avalanche, but you should never have given Delphine your cloak. That was foolish.’ Astrophel looks away.
I don’t blame him. They have every right to fear me, to be disgusted by what I’m capable of.
‘Any sign of the guards?’ I ask, scanning the mountainside.
Blayze shakes his head. ‘I doubt any survived the mountain falling on their heads.’
I swallow, squeezing my eyes shut. So many. Did I really kill so many? The thought chills me more than the bitter wind, more than the snow swirling my shoulders, and yet the guilt doesn’t pierce deep as it should. As if part of my heart froze numb while I lay unconscious on the mountainside.
‘We should make for Talini,’ I say, nodding towards the sinking sun. ‘Find shelter before moonsrise.’
And tomorrow, I’ll set about searching for the clue Noelani’s letter promised.
Tansy turns towards the pack, a rueful smile spreading across her face. ‘Briar can ask them if they’ll carry us, though the poor creatures must be exhausted.’
While we await their reply, I try to piece together my hazy memories of escaping the watchtower. My mind feels roomier than usual, like a chamber emptied of its furniture. And it’s only now that I realise what – who – is missing.
I break away from Astrophel, step unsteadily towards Maris and Delphine, who are closer to the mouth of the tunnel the cragstalkers burrowed through the snowdrift. My gaze darts left and right, scanning the mountain.
Is this why everyone’s been on edge, looking so concerned? They don’t know how to tell me.
‘Where’s Orthriel?’ I breathe.
Their heartcrystal was already dim. They never should have flared.
The tincture may have restored us, allowed us to survive the cold, to breathe the noxious mountain air, but there are limits to its sustaining powers.
Maris’ expression clouds, her gaze trails to a snowy mound, close to where the cats are lying.
‘They’re—’
I don’t wait to hear what she’s going to say and stagger towards the mound as quickly as my quivering legs will allow, ignoring the woozy, woolly sensation muddying my head. Swallowing my fear, I force myself to peer over the rise.
Orthriel lies slumped on the snow. I kneel beside my Guardian, reaching for them.
A reflex, but a stupid one. My hand passes straight through their semblance of a body.
I snatch it back, wincing. It’s like I’ve dipped my fingers in iced water.
My eyes rest on Orthriel’s chest, on the faint glimmer of their heartcrystal. I gasp. Still alight.
At the sound of my cry, Orthriel opens their eyes, tries to prop themself on one elbow. ‘Peace, child. I’m all right.’
My heart leaps at the deep peal of their voice.
I shake my head. ‘You’re not all right. None of you are, thanks to me.’
Orthriel locks eyes with me. That same weighted, pitying expression. What aren’t they telling me? Has Orthriel received ill-news of my mother? I try to open the door bridging our minds, press against the limits of my consciousness, but it’s like the door’s been boarded up.
‘We’re setting off for Talini, to find shelter,’ I say at last.
Orthriel nods, but a shadow passes over their face.
They gesture to their pseudo-body. ‘I’ll have to return to my true form. Even with the tincture, maintaining this illusion is draining too much Aether, I can’t sustain it.’
‘Will I be able to commune with you?’
Orthriel pauses. Searches my face. Again, that strange flicker darkens their eyes. ‘Did you hear me mindspeak just now?’
I shake my head.
‘Can you feel our connection?’
‘No. It’s been weak for so long – coming and going. But nothing now. Not since I woke up.’
A wretched expression twists Orthriel’s features. ‘Perhaps when I return to my true form…’
It hurts to see my Guardian like this – weak and unsure. They’ve always been my lodestar.
‘Go on then, dematerialise,’ I urge. ‘Do whatever you must to conserve your energy. Especially if it reopens our connection.’
Orthriel sighs. ‘Can’t you feel what you’re becoming?
What you’re capable of?’ Their voice is strained, stretched thin.
‘I can feel your power rising. Surely, you can too? The weakened connection between us – yes, it’s because my Aether’s running low, but that’s not the only reason.
Sometimes, it’s because you’re shutting me out.
It happened with Noelani, and I recognise the feeling – like a door being closed. ’
Heaviness spreads through my chest, like the draw of a corset against my ribs.
I try to process their words. I’ve no idea how to reopen the door, but I push a feeling of love towards my Guardian, warm and bright as the Thaw sun must once have been, hoping they can feel it, wishing I could do more.
Wishing I could take their hand, embrace them.
‘I don’t want to shut you out. You’re the only one I can be honest with, the only one I’m not keeping secrets from. ’
Orthriel laughs. But it’s an oddly hollow sound. ‘We all lie, Leilani. We’re all keeping secrets.’
I swallow, not wanting to dissect any part of that statement.
‘You should return to Nimbi,’ I say instead, eyes fixed on Orthriel’s ebbing heartcrystal. ‘You’ll travel faster on the winds. Don’t wait for us.’
‘I’m bound to you, Leilani. I swore an oath.’
‘And you’re no use to me if your heartcrystal burns out.’
There’s a long pause.
‘You ask this of me?’
‘No. I command it.’
A shorter pause.