Chapter Thirty
The next morning, we take a morning swim before the sunrise, watching it float up as we wade into the soft current. After showering, we decide to take a walk as the streets are beginning their regular sounds, trucks and brakes squealing and voices picking up. We stay down on the coastline as we walk.
“This rock.” Julián bends down to grab a pebble a bit bigger than the size of a quarter, but flat on one side. “It’s the exact color of your eyes. Both of them.” The corner of his mouth turns into a smile.
I study it as he turns it around in his palm. “It’s what they look like to me anyway.” Julián rubs the back of his neck, suddenly shy.
“I love it. How freaking corny and sweet.” I lean down and plant a kiss in the middle of his forehead.
Though the colors are more muted due to his color-blindness, it’s fascinating to see how my eyes look through his. I kneel on the rocky shore and search for one to match his. The deep brown with little gold specks of his eyes is harder to find in a rock than I thought it would be.
He teases me as I refuse to give up, scouring through pebble after pebble, turning each one over and comparing them. I pick up one covered in muddy sand and hold it up to his face. “This’ll do,” I joke, and he grabs it, tossing it into the ocean with a faux-offended look on his face.
“You can give up, you know. This isn’t a competition,” he reminds me as I wipe a bead of sweat from my brow.
“I’m not competing, I just want a rock that matches your eyes, too.” I pout, and he softens, giving up on trying to get me to stop my search.
“Ah ha!” A joyful scream pushes through my lungs as I turn over the most perfect rock. “It’s exactly the same.” I do a little happy dance, lifting the rock to his eye level. “Even the little flakes are in the same spot!” I squeeze it between my hands, pressing it tightly to my chest.
Julián’s happiness is clear on his face, his amusement singing in his laughter and shining in his eyes.
“Good job, baby. I’m glad you finally found your rock.” He presses his shoulder against mine and I lean onto him. The irony of his word choice is not lost on me.
When we get back to the boat, we’ve gathered bread, meat, and cheese to have for breakfast. Julián’s hands are full, the picnic basket in one and the spoils from our shopping in the other, but he refuses to let me help him, so I stroll along, my hands and mind free. Julián drills little holes into our rocks and ties fishing wire through them, creating a necklace for each of us. We vow to never take them off.
“We look pretty good as rocks.” I smile at our somewhat-matching jewelry.
“What if we’re rocks in the next life?” he asks as he finishes tying mine around my neck.
“As long as we’re on the same shore, I’ll be a rock with you anytime.” I smile at the thought. With all the times Julián has brought up past lives and future lives, I desperately hope he’s right and that we get another chance after this one. I don’t mean to be greedy; I know most people never get to experience love like this, but now that I have, I need it to breathe. This life and the next, I need him to breathe.
A gentle knock at the door has Julián on his feet, mouth full of the bread I gathered yesterday. He casually yanks the door open and takes a step back when my mother is standing in the threshold. Bracing for something negative, I try to shield myself emotionally. I’ve had the best weeks of my life, and with the space she’s allowed me, I’ve accomplished everything I wished for this summer.
“Julián.” My mom’s voice is soft, rehearsed, but still polite. “Is Oriah here?”
Julián looks to me, to get my permission to allow my mom to come inside. There’s panic in his eyes, like he’s being yanked awake from a deep sleep. I nod and he turns back to her.
“I’ll come out,” I announce, not wanting her in Julián’s space. Not wanting her to have another reason to judge him.
I grab my phone just in case and slide on a pair of his flip-flops by the door. “I’ll be back in soon, finish eating. I love you.” I kiss his cheek and lead my mom out of the boat and onto the dock.
Wanting to give Mateo the courtesy of not having to see her either, I have us walk back toward the street, away from the water. Just as we are about to step on land, she bends down and runs her fingers over the wooden plank under her feet. Carved there is the same thing as in her old bedroom.
Iz i Mateo
“It’s been ages since I’ve been here, this close. I’ve had to come for… meetings, but not this close to the house… to this dock.”
I let her take her time, not interrupting her quiet walk down memory lane. Though she has no idea, I feel closer to her than I ever have. I don’t think either of us is ready to fully talk about it all, and the last thing I want to do is argue with her, so I need to get a gauge of her emotional state. Is she mad at me for avoiding her? Has the time apart given her the clarity she needed to realize I’m not a helpless child? Has she changed her mind about what her company is doing?
“How have you been? You look well.” She finally breaks the silence between us.
I smile. “I’m good. Never been better, truly.” I mean it. I know she can tell by the color in my face, my sun-kissed skin, the extra weight I’ve put on from not having meal-prep every day and eating until my stomach aches and a yawn escapes.
“I missed you.” She stumbles over the words. I don’t think I’ve ever heard them from her. It might be her first time ever saying them. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. This is the longest we haven’t seen each other, and I wanted to make sure you’re taking your medication and that you’re okay. I tried to give you space, but it… I couldn’t take it anymore.” A rare glimmer of humor crosses her face. “So here I am.” She waves her arms in the air.
I laugh, surprised by her calmness, her good mood.
“Are you okay?” I ask her as we walk down the quiet coastline. She’s not dressed for a walk, but if anyone can do long distances in heels, it’s her.
“I don’t know if anyone has ever asked me that,” she admits, looking genuinely puzzled. “I’m okay. In most senses of the word. Work is… work, and we’re near closing the deal, so everyone has lightened up a bit. It’s been hard not knowing how you are or what you’re doing.”
“You literally have my location.” I make sure the lightness of my intention carries through my tone.
“Just because I have it doesn’t mean I checked it,” she lies, her eyes diverting from mine.
I giggle. “How many times did you check it? Be honest.”
The air between us is warm, no tension present. I feel like I’m floating.
“Each day you mean?” She tries not to smile but fails. Her hand covers her mouth to further attempt to hide it and we both laugh when I move her hand down, exposing her.
“At least ten times per hour.” Her laughter sounds different, lighter, not practiced or forced.
“Thought so.”
“How’s Lena?” I ask, realizing that my mom and I don’t have much to talk about outside of her work, and I’d rather not hear the details of that when the damage will hit so close to home.
“Stressed as ever. I think she was more worried about you than me. And things got a little rocky with the deal. A lot of locals ended up turning on us, not wanting another resort built.” She pauses. “Sorry. I told myself I wasn’t going to bring anything Garcia related up. I’m truly sorry.”
I take an audible breath through my mouth. It’s second nature to her, so I decide to brush it off and give her another chance. I don’t want to disturb this tiny bit of peace between us; who knows how long it will last?
“You didn’t come here to drag me back, did you?” I finally ask her once we run out of things like food and weather to talk about. She’s shocked that I ate so many different local foods, but I can tell by her expression that she’s happy to hear it.
“No. I did not. I’ll be at the hotel waiting for you when you get tired of playing here. Your worlds are so far apart, Ry. I know you’re young and in love, but your worlds are impossible to merge. Trust me, I’ve tried.
“Believe it or not, I’m trying… really damn hard, to let you enjoy your time here like I promised. And it seems like you are, aren’t you?” There’s a little worry in her eyes but she doesn’t tack anything to the end of her question.
“I am.” I beam, not hiding an ounce of the happiness I feel. “I’m having the time of my life, mare. Thank you for giving me that.”
Her eyes instantly water at the word “mare” and she surprises me by pulling me into her arms. At first, my body doesn’t know how to react, so I’m stiff, hands at my sides, but after a few moments, I hug her back. She clears her throat, and I can tell by the noises she’s making that she’s trying her best not to be emotional but failing.
“I need to get back,” she says, pulling away from me, straightening out her dress with her palms, and I swear for a second I think she might try to shake my hand. “Please let me know if you need anything. Okay?” Her eyes blink rapidly to stop any tear that dares to fall.
“Okay,” I agree, wanting to hug her again, but not wanting to push it.
As she walks away, her back still to me, I hear her voice call my name. When I turn around, she resembles the teenage girl in the photos I saw and re-created. The world hasn’t hardened her yet. Her voice comes out weak and nervous, but I can hear it clear as day. “Let me know if you have any time to get dinner or something sometime?”
My entire face, chest, and body break out into a smile. “I will,” I promise her, meaning it.
I watch her walk away, my heart full and proud of her ability to come here and not demand anything. She even hugged me. Outside of a hospital room, my mother hugged me and meant it. I practically bounce back to the boat to tell Julián about the revelation we’ve had.
“Babe! My mom hugged me! And she didn’t try to drag me away!” I shout as soon as I reach the dock. I kick off my sandals and go to step onto the stairs, but the stairs are gone… the boat is gone. I blink. Surely I’m out of it and imagining things.
What the hell?
My tote bag is perched neatly on the dock, safely leaning between two wooden planks. “Julián!” I scream, my heart shattering with each letter of his name that falls from my mouth.
I pace back and forth, calling him over and over. He had no reason to leave, and if there had been an emergency, he would have come and found me. Something inside me just knows… he ran. He ran away from me and left me again, just like he did all those weeks ago on the beach.
This time I don’t have the anger to curse him. I don’t have the strength or clarity to do anything except slide to the floor of the dock and wail until my body runs dry.