13
theo
Oh shit.
When Harold asked me to support this marketing makeover, I was happy to help. When Harold brought Lucy Evans into the conversation, I was hesitant.
Harold gave us the option to decline given the recent steamy story incident, and I was inclined to accept that option. Though it had been weeks, it was still a little awkward giving a lecture in front of a student who had openly fantasized about me. It was even more awkward giving a lecture in front of a room of students who all knew about the fantasy.
But, listening to Harold excitedly describe the project, I was bought into the cause too. Watching my boss with the same sparkle in his eyes as a child on Christmas morning, I had to accept. Not only that, but I also had a strong desire to create a comfortable environment for me and Lucy to move past the recent embarrassment.
It was hard enough to give an “Introduction to the Kingdom of Fungi” lecture while avoiding a lengthy conversation about the realism of The Last of Us . Add in awkwardly hiding under baggy clothes I did not like while lecturing, and it was a recipe for discomfort and frustration. I worked hard for these biceps. I liked to show them off. Sue me.
Now, however, in front of me was an image of striking beauty. If I didn’t know better, I’d wager she wanted nothing to do with me right now. The new information about this partner made me want to run away with my tail between my legs all together.
“Do you two know each other?” Harold looked between us expectantly.
“Uh,” I cleared my throat, “yes, we’re friends.” I choked on the last word. Ellie gave a small nod, and I wondered if it was a nod in acknowledgement of what I said, or in agreement with the word “friends.” Our eyes remained connected, and we stilled as if we were both holding our breaths.
“Great. What better way to build a strong business relationship than through friendship?” Harold motioned to the empty middle chair in front of his desk.
Ellie tugged at her dress and gingerly sat down, as if not to disturb a thread.
Time stood still as I approached the seat and assessed the options: enter close proximity with a student who wrote an erotic story about me, and with whom I was still rebuilding our teacher/student relationship; or enter close proximity with myself-proclaimed soulmate who wanted nothing to do with me after we shared an undeniably steamy kiss.
If I were to get within a foot of Ellie in that red hip hugging dress, I ran the risk of smacking Ellie clear across the face with my inevitable erection. Instead, I squeezed by Lucy .
Harold spent the next hour painting his vision of faithfully depicting students and faculty, so enamored with each other you couldn’t distinguish between an academic relationship or a romantic one. Not his words, but that was the gist I took away from it.
Lucy prepared to make her exit, needing to walk to her next class, and scheduled to meet with Ellie the following day. Harold closed out the conversation, ending it with a firm handshake to us both and shutting his office door.
“So, uh, should we talk?” I asked as we stood just outside Harold’s door awkwardly. Ellie bit the inside of her cheek, as if reassuring herself, and nodded in affirmation.
“Yes, I have a few questions for you. Care to show me around first?”
“Sure,” I cleared my throat, “as you may have guessed, this is the administrative building.” Offering her a playful smile, I motioned to the set of doors at the end of the hall leading to the courtyard. “Let’s head out this way to the common area. I can show you Confucius Cafe. They have the best eclairs.”
She followed hesitantly, and I slowed my speed, encouraging her to walk by my side. Her eyes were fixated on the ground when she responded. “Oh, no thank you. I just had lunch.”
“Okay, we’ll save the eclairs for another day. I’ll still take you over there so you can geta feel for the energy. I think there is a misconception about community colleges. We offer just as much community as a university, and I would love for that to come through in the marketing.”
She let out a small chuckle. “I can see how you’re one of the top-rated professors.”
This conversation had to of been the most we’d spoken in a week. Her absence had not only been noticeable, but also painful. It only further affirmed that she was a requirement in my life. The lack of her presence gnawed at me, the same as a persistent headache; an unassumed ache, but strong enough to make you want to bargain with your chosen God to please make it better.
Unwilling to lose the opening for conversation, I prodded, “why is that?”
When she turned to finally look at me, I took a moment to trace her features with my eyes. I soaked up the gold flecks in her brown irises, the pronounced fullness of the apples of her cheeks and the curve of her bottom lip. I memorized every part of her as if I might not get to see them again for a while.
“I can hear the excitement in your voice, your love for the place. Your eyes have a brightness behind them, and it’s making me feel passionate about the project, even though I don’t really have a reason to just yet.” She paused for a breath, deciding if she should say what came next. “You are also very kind and supportive, you are a good listener, and you have a very resilient head.” She laughed at the last bit and hope blossomed in my chest.
Laughing with her, I noticed my body reflexively leaning into hers. Straightening her spine, she refocused herself on the course towards the cafe.
We spent the next hour in conversation as I showed her around campus, answering her questions about student life, community impact, and what it meant to be a professor. Relishing her attention, I took my time with thoughtful responses, while trying to flex my arms where appropriate. Finally, having made it back to the administrative building, I walked her to her car.
“So, gym today?” Placing my hands in my pockets and rocking on my heels, I crossed my fingers.
Ellie quickly glanced at her vibrating phone atop her portfolio folder in her hand and got lost in thought .
“Is everything okay?” I waited for a response, though she was clearly distracted.
“One sec.” She didn’t look up. I pretended to look around, trying to find something to do while I waited in silence. “Uh, yeah. Sounds good. I’ll see you in a little.”
“Is everything okay?” I asked again, motioning to her phone.
“Yeah, totally.” She offered me a small smile, but I didn’t make a move to leave. “It was just someone I met at Wild Cider,” she audibly sighed.
“Oh.”
“He just asked me on a second date,” she spoke slowly, unsure.
“Second date?” a lump grew in my throat.
“Yeah, we had lunch earlier today.”
“Okay…are you going on this second date?”
“Yes.” Closing her eyes, she seemed to wince.
“Good for you.” I cleared my throat, unsure. “I’ll see you at five thirty.”
Turning on my heel, I walked back to my car, doing my damndest to not show my hurt.
“One look into those beautiful blues and I knew I found the love of my life,” dad looked lovingly into my mom’s eyes.
“Edwin,” mom playfully slapped at dad’s chest and laughed, her smile full of pure joy.
Thalia and I exchanged looks and gagged in unison.
“Hey, one day you two will understand,” dad pointed at each of us. “Sometimes love just hits you like a semi and there’s nothing you can do but lean into it.” Our dad slapped his wife’s butt as she walked away to stir a pot of sauce on the stove.
“Gross, dad,” I whined at the sight of it. “Can’t you do that, I don’t know, not in front of us?”
Thalia immersed herself back into her math homework and I popped a strawberry into my mouth, ignoring my reading homework laid out on the kitchen table in front of me. I watched my father pick up a glass of water and lean against the counter, looking at me as he spoke.
“Son, one day, when you meet the love of your life, you will know. You won’t know why, and you won’t understand how, but you will know. And once you know, I am telling you now, do everything in your power to keep that person in your orbit. There is no greater pleasure in life than the person you love in your arms at night.” He paused thoughtfully, losing himself in memory. Returning to the present moment, he walked over and ruffled my hair. “You two are alright, too.”
The memory played again in my head, just as it had done regularly since I began spending time with Ellie. Of all the lessons dad taught me, that was the one that I could tell was the most important. Between telling me to never eat yellow snow and to always keep a condom in my wallet, he never wavered on his message of love.
If my dad was anything, it was a hopeless romantic, and if there was anything I could do to honor his memory, it was to honor his word.
Realizing the importance of Ellie's presence, I resolved to do everything within my power to keep her within my orbit.