Chapter Three
January 2024
The wine was good, the beer was cold, and the TV was off. But unlike any other Saturday night in together, this was far from usual.
Caz sat in the armchair, leaning forward, both elbows on her knees as she reeled off questions for Grace to answer.
Important things like, “Where are we going to live?”
“Buy a house on the outskirts of town. We’ve both got good finances. We’d get a mortgage easily,” Grace answered. She had answers for everything.
“And we’d tell everyone what? That we’re sad old farts who have given up on love, so we’ve settled for each other?”
Grace huffed. “I don’t see it as settling. I see it as we’re never going to find anyone else who brings what we do to this relationship—”
“Except sex and intimacy?” Caz choked out. “That’s important, surely?”
“Yes, and I think we could be—”
“Do not say it,” Caz said, standing quickly and walking to the window. She turned suddenly. “You’re straight. It’s not like hooking up with a bloke down at the pub, there will be feelings involved—platonic maybe—but still, feelings and emotions, and…” She moved to crouch in front of Grace. “Can you honestly say you’ve never considered sex with a woman?”
“I’ve considered it, yes…”
“And?”
“I decided it wasn’t for me, but—”
“See? So how do you propose we get around that?” Caz stood up and went back to the chair, flopping down into it.
“If you’d let me speak.” Grace glared, and then relaxed when Caz smiled apologetically. “I think we already share an intimacy, one of trust and love, and emotional attachment, and that if we wanted it to, could maybe turn into a more physical—” She held up a warning finger when Caz went to interrupt again. “We hug all the time. We snuggle up together and watch films, and don’t think I haven’t noticed how you take care of me when we’re out.”
Caz sat up straighter.
“Think I don’t notice the little guiding touches to the small of my back, or my elbow, or how you put yourself between me and any potential danger? We are intimate, it’s just not a sexual intimacy…and no, I couldn’t consider sex with women in general, but maybe, in time...I could with you. Because you’re you, and not just any woman.”
This time Caz sat silently.
“You’re my person, Caz. And that means more to me than any man ever will.”
Caz felt her eyes moisten and blinked it away. Wasn’t that just the kind of thing she’d been waiting her entire life for someone to say to her?
For someone to really see her?
“But what if you met that man? What if we did this, and we had a baby, and two years—three years—down the line, Prince Charming waltzes in?”
“That is a fear of abandonment that could happen to anyone, in any relationship. I am saying I’d make a commitment to you. I wouldn’t be looking to meet Prince Charming.”
“But I could have a hook-up situationship?”
“If having sex regularly with another lesbian means that much to you, then yes, I’d be okay with that.”
“I wouldn’t,” Caz balked.
“Then what are you arguing? I don’t get it.”
Caz gulped down the wine. “I’m not arguing anything, I’m just thinking out loud, I suppose, and I think it’s best to get these questions out there, don’t you? I mean, won’t you miss sex?”
“Honestly, what I get from men, I can do myself with my trusty iVibe.” Grace grinned. “Generally, a better job and less complaining, and doesn’t need to be fed or cleaned for.”
Caz laughed. “I mean, that right there is a reason to marry a woman.” She went quiet for a moment, before brown eyes met the other brown eyes across the room. They were going to do this, weren’t they? “What would we tell everyone?”
“The truth. That we’ve realised there is nobody else we’d rather be with for the rest of our lives.”
“I don’t think people will get it.”
“Who cares if they get it?” Grace asked.
Caz shrugged. “I guess, I do.”
Grace sighed. “Then we will act like a couple. Let them see what they want to see. And in every aspect of normal day-to-day things, we would be a couple.”
Caz thought about all the times when people would ask if they were together. She’d never really understood it, but now, with Grace pointing things out, she wondered if it really was such a crazy idea, especially after Grace spoke again.
“I love you. And you love me. And I don’t want to be knocking on fifty and wondering why my life ended up miserable when we have the opportunity to have it all.”
“Including a baby?”
Grace looked at her friend for a long moment. When she hadn’t spoken, Caz gave her ‘the look’ the one that said, “Well?”
“Yes,” Grace finally said. “I want a baby, maybe even two, I don’t know, but I’m thirty-seven and the likelihood of that happening naturally is pretty slim, and I don’t want to take any chances and end up—”
“Knocking on fifty and miserable?”
Grace smiled. “Yeah, and I think…even if I were doing that on my own, you’d be the surrogate parent anyway, wouldn’t you?”
Caz shrugged again. “Well, yeah, I’m not going to let you do it on your own, am I? That’s what friends are for, right?”
“Right. And you would be round my place every night after work to make sure I had support, was watered and fed, and generally taking care of the baby so I could nap, or have a bath, or—”
“Alright, fine, yes, I’d make the perfect parent,” Caz laughed, “but then I’d go home and live my life away from you and the baby, and you’d eventually start to get your life back and—”
“You could still live your life if we were married. I’m not going to be stopping you from doing whatever you want to do.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“The question is: Do you want to have a baby…with me? Or anyone? It’s a huge decision and one I don’t take lightly in asking.”
Caz dropped her head into her hands and stared at the floor.
“I don’t know that it has ever been something I’d considered possible before, but with you? I dunno. It feels like everything just slots into place and I can’t imagine not having a baby…” glancing up, she added, “with you.”
Grace’s face lit up, but she still said, “It’s okay if you don’t want—”
“I do. I think we should do it.”
Grace grinned. “You do?”
Caz nodded. “Yeah, I mean…you’re right, there’s no reasonable argument for why we shouldn’t.”
“Except sex?” Grace raised a brow. “Obviously, I get it that sleeping with me isn’t—”
“Sleeping with you isn’t the problem. I could, with time and reciprocal interest, maybe move our relationship in that direction. But I’m aware you’re straight, and sleeping with me would just be you doing what you think I want, and not because you actually want to sleep with me, and that just feels accommodating, not hot and sexy, which is what I’d need.”
Grace remained silent. There wasn’t really much she could add without it getting weirder than it already was.
“So, what do we do now?” Caz finally asked.
“Call a family meeting and explain—”
“Nope.” Caz stood up. “No, I’m not…I don’t want everyone thinking we’re a couple of saddos who can’t find anyone to love us.” She turned to face Grace. “Because you’re right, we do love each other.”
“Right. So…we tell them that.” Grace stood up.
“Yeah…but…” Caz moved towards her. “Do you think they’ll buy it?”
“That me and you love each other?” Grace nodded. “Yeah, I think they would. Friends fall in love with each other all the time, don’t they?”
“I guess…we’d have to be a bit more tactile.”
Grace wrapped her palm around Caz’s bicep. “We already are…”
“They’re going to ask questions and probably want proof. It’s going to be—”
“Weird, I know, but nothing we can’t handle. You’re my person, Caz, I know that for sure,” she chuckled, “and ya not ugly. It’s not like it’s a chore to pretend I fancy you now.”
“Oh, you’d fancy me for sure if you was gay,” Caz joked.
“I would. Absolutely.” Grace laughed, her hand sliding down Caz’s arm to take her hand. “Just like you’d fancy me, so…we’re a perfect match.”