Chapter 19 #3
‘Because you loved her so much?’ Gwen asked.
‘No.’
His eyes filled with sadness and Gwen felt awkwardness descend on the room. Somehow, they had gone from the topic of his niece to this sharing of confidences.
‘I can’t believe you haven’t had a hundred women flocking to compete for your hand. Isn’t there anyone you could love?’
She looked down at her hands then, not really wanting to hear the answer.
A memory flashed into her mind of falling into nettles when she was thirteen and Danny picking her out, even though it had meant his own arms were stung painfully.
He’d washed them with the water he’d been taking to the pigs, then kissed her palm.
She’d kissed the back of his hands. Then they’d kissed each other.
It had been her first proper kiss and she was appalled now to think she had forgotten it.
In its sweetness and newness, it had been one of the best.
‘No, I never found anybody,’ Danny said. ‘Well, that is, I did, but unfortunately she found someone else.’
‘Oh, who?’ Gwen asked, wondering which of the girls she had grown up with had caught his eye.
‘Don’t you know?’ He tilted his head slightly, giving her the look he’d always given when she had said something foolish.
‘Do you mean me?’ she asked hesitantly. ‘I’m sorry. That’s so forward of me. Of course not. I should go. How silly I’m being today.’
‘Yes, Gwen, of course I mean you. I wouldn’t be sitting here holding your hand if there was somebody else I was interested in.’
Danny gave a crooked smile. ‘It was always you. Ever since we were young, you were the only one that I wanted.’
‘Oh, I didn’t know. That is, I knew we liked each other, but I didn’t realise you felt that way.’
‘No, and that’s my fault. I should have been braver and told you, but I always thought there would be time,’ Danny said. He wrinkled his nose. ‘It was just my luck that you went off to London and found someone else. I’d marry you like a shot, you must know that.’
Gwen pressed her lips together. The trip to the Great Exhibition with her father, so that he could learn about the advances in machinery, had been supposed to last a month, but when she’d met Archibald, they had extended it. And then, of course, there became reasons to stay.
‘I can’t marry you,’ Gwen said. She hoped he didn’t hear the regret in her voice. There should be no regret, she told herself firmly.
‘No, I know you’re not free to marry me, but perhaps marriage isn’t what matters.’ His fingers slid between hers. ‘You are happy, aren’t you, Gwen?’
She turned her head, staring at the details picked out on the cloth-bound books on the shelves. That she couldn’t answer immediately was probably all the answer that he needed. He let go of her hands and sighed.
‘Oh, Gwennie.’
‘I don’t regret my life,’ Gwen told him, looking back up into his face. ‘My husband is a good man. He works hard, and of course we have a son—’
Without warning a sob filled her throat. She swallowed it down, causing a lump of pain.
‘That’s not what I asked. Those are all true, but it doesn’t mean— Never mind. It’s none of my business to pry.’
‘I shouldn’t complain. I’m really very lucky,’ Gwen said.
‘But are you happy?’ Danny asked quietly. His voice had the lilt of the accent that she hadn’t heard for years. ‘You flinched when I raised my voice.’
‘It surprised me, that’s all,’ she said. She held his gaze, determined not to give anything else away. ‘I need to go. We can’t hide in a closed room. It will cause gossip.’
She started to walk out.
‘Gwen, wait!’
Danny caught her arm and for a wild moment, she thought he might kiss her, but he released her as she turned back.
‘Did you … find anything out? About Ruth?’
Gwen drew a deep breath. She had quite forgotten the original purpose of her visit.
‘Nothing I can say for definite. If I find anything else…’
‘Don’t try! Don’t go back. It’s enough that you think the area is worth investigating further. I cannot think of you putting yourself in the path of dangerous people.’
Gwen stared at him, stomach twisting in agony and unable to explain that she was already walking along that path.
He leant forward and took her face between his hands, held her steady and kissed her.
Unlike their childhood kiss, it was assured and expertly delivered, his lips confident and firm, with a teasing hint of stubble on his upper lip.
She closed her eyes and moaned with longing.
A little flame, one that she had believed forever extinguished, was reignited.
At the sound, Danny pulled away. ‘I’m sorry, that was inexcusable,’ he muttered. He lowered his eyes. ‘I beg your pardon.’
He had more restraint than Gwen because he passed by her, opened the door and walked away.
Gwen put her fingers to her face where his had been, feeling the warmth of her flaming cheeks beneath them.
She waited a few moments more before leaving the room and walked out of the hotel, determinedly avoiding the judgemental eyes of the clerk.