Chapter 18 Lena #2
A blush crept up my neck as my gaze dropped to the table, settling on the bottle sitting between us. My hand moved before I could think too hard about it. I grabbed it, twisted the cap loose, shook a pill into my palm, and swallowed it dry.
Silence settled over the room afterward.
Then Knox exhaled softly. “Okay,” he said.
Beside me, Silas’s thumb brushed over his mark one last time before his hand finally fell away. Disappointment lingered in the set of his shoulders, subtle but unmistakable, as though some part of him had hoped I wouldn’t take them despite their offer.
Comms crackled a second later.
“The doc’s here,” Officer Yuri said through the speaker.
“Let her in,” Silas replied, already pushing to his feet.
He headed toward the safehouse entrance to meet her while Knox stayed exactly where he was, watching me in the heavy silence.
I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
The conference room door opened a moment later. Dr. Hampton stepped inside, her gaze sweeping the room once before landing on the suppressant bottle.
“Good,” she said, moving closer. “I’m glad your handlers briefed you on the suppressants.”
She didn’t sit right away. Just observed me.
“We’ll proceed with them as a short-term intervention,” she continued. “One to two months at most. The goal is stabilization, not dependency.”
Her eyes lifted to mine.
“Before your next heat cycle, we’ll begin structured desensitization for touch aversion.”
My fingers curled tighter in my lap.
“Gradual exposure,” she went on. “Predictable contact. Controlled duration. You’ll build tolerance, then comfort.”
She paused, her head tilted slightly.
“I’m told there was a recent breakthrough involving physical contact.”
Embarrassment shaded my face.
My gaze dropped to the table, unable to make eye contact with anyone in the room.
The mark on my throat tingled.
I nodded.
“And has verbal response resumed?” she added.
I didn’t speak.
Silas leaned back in his chair, lacing his hands behind his head. “It did, but now she’s backtracking, doc,” he said.
“Regression following progress is typical,” she said evenly. “Neurological response patterns rarely improve in a straight line.”
The doctor finally took a seat then, folding her hands neatly in front of her.
“To ensure Lena is progressing forward, we’ll implement a series of paired exercises,” she continued. “Handler-assisted. Repetition will be key. Lena, I’m going to ask you a few baseline questions before we begin to discuss what those exercises will look like.”
I nodded.
“During your recent encounter with Handler Knox, and subsequent contact with Handler Silas,” Dr. Hampton said in her usual clinical tone, “did you experience sexual arousal?”
The air in the room shifted.
Heat rushed to my face, draining just as quickly. My fingers twisted together in my lap.
Silas answered before I could stop him.
“Well doc, she soaked through her panties,” he said flatly. “So, I'd say yeah.”
I snapped my head toward him, mouth falling open.
He just shrugged, a smirk tugging at his mouth.
“Noted, Special Officer Mercer,” Dr. Hampton said flatly, without looking at him. “But I’d prefer for Lena to respond.”
Her eyes returned to me.
“I’ll ask again. Did you experience arousal?”
My throat tightened.
I nodded, though my gaze stayed fixed on the table, unable to look her in the eye.
“Good,” she said. “That indicates your autonomic response is beginning to re-associate touch stimulation with safety rather than threat.”
“Have you experienced arousal since those encounters,” she continued, “even without physical contact?”
Knox and Silas leaned forward slightly, betraying their interest in her question. We hadn't been intimate since the safehouse. In fact, there had been less touch, rather than more.
But if I was being honest, my arousal had grown constant, fueled by just their proximity.
I gave a small nod.
My face burned hotter this time.
“What stimuli triggered that response?” she asked.
My eyes lifted before I could stop them.
To Silas.
Then Knox.
Just for a second.
Then back down.
Silence stretched.
“Understood,” Dr. Hampton said, making a note.
My stomach twisted. I didn’t feel entirely safe speaking aloud. Not to her, not yet at least. Touch and speech were slowly returning… but only with them. Anyone else still felt like a risk, even the doctor.
“That aligns with positive touch response development,” she continued. “Your system is selectively associating safety, arousal, and regulation with your handlers.”
Her pen tapped once against the page.
“We will build on that.”
She fixed her gaze steady on mine.
“I’m going to give you an assignment, Lena,” she said, her tone direct. “One that will, hopefully, help move you forward with consensual, comfortable touch and help you to engage in sexual contact when aroused.”
I swallowed hard.
“This will be a controlled exercise,” she continued, glancing briefly between the men before returning to me. “Simple in structure, but important in what it’s meant to build.”
“Handler Knox, you will be the first to assist Lena with this activity,” she said, turning to him.
Silas scowled.
“Handler Silas and Lena are mutually marked,” Dr. Hampton added, eyeing the healing marks on our necks. “That connection brings bonding instincts into the equation, and for this, we need to remove all variables."
Silas didn’t like it, but he didn’t argue.
"Our goal is to build touch tolerance.”
Knox gave a small nod.
“During the exercise, Handler Knox will either sit or lie down, whichever position allows Lena the greatest sense of control,” she went on. “From there, all physical contact will be initiated by her.”
My chest rose slowly, carefully.
“Lena, you will decide where you touch him, how long to maintain contact, and when it ends. There are no required actions. Nothing you have to do. This is about exploration at your pace.”
Her gaze held mine.
“I want you to pay attention to your responses. Ask yourself, what feels neutral, what feels safe, and what feels… stimulating. It's especially important to recognize where your boundaries are.”
Color rushed into my face.
“If the exercise shifts,” she continued, “if it becomes charged and arousal is part of your response, that is not a failure of the exercise. It is useful information.”
Embarrassment burned beneath my skin.
“Arousal, in this context, can indicate a sense of safety within controlled conditions,” she said. “You are allowed to observe that response, and even act on it if you wish.”
Silence settled for a beat.
“However,” she added, her tone sharpening just slightly, “the rules do not change.”
“Handler Knox is not permitted to touch you at any point. No reciprocation. No movement toward you. His hands will remain at his sides,” she said, leveling a stern warning at him.
Knox lifted his hands briefly in surrender, then let them fall again. "No touching. Understood. All you, runt,” he said with a chuckle.
Dr. Hampton then addressed me. “You must initiate all contact, Lena. Every point of it."
My throat felt tight, but I nodded.
“Lena, I want you to try your best to be verbal,” she said. “Tell Handler Knox what responds to touch, what parts of your body tense up… and what parts relax. Tell him where you want to explore, Lena. Note what feels good when your hands are on him."
She turned to Knox, "Handler Knox, you may encourage and remind her to vocalize her observations.”
“Got it,” Knox said, more serious now.
“This is not about doing it right,” she added. “It is about understanding your own comfort, your own limits, and your ability to choose, even in moments where your body responds to arousal.”
Her gaze softened, just slightly.
“You are in control the entire time, Lena.”
My fingers slowly uncurled, relief threading through me at the realization that, for once, I would be in charge. Completely.